Chapter 24
Kalpana wriggled her shoulders and flexed her wrists. She was in the back room of the bookshop where she was scheduled to do a book signing.
‘There’s a queue,’ Suzie, the marketing lead from the publisher, said. ‘Which is great. The influencer push on socials worked.’
Kalpana nodded and bounced on her toes a few times.
She wasn’t ready for this. Since she got back from Sri Lanka four weeks ago, she’d had minimal interaction with people.
For the first week, it had been an achievement to make it out of bed.
It was in that week that she’d realised just how much she missed Sampath.
There was so much she wished she could tell him.
He was in her thoughts all the time when she was awake, and in her dreams when she was asleep.
It didn’t matter that he didn’t want her, she had felt something for him that she’d never felt before.
The zing of every accidental touch. The roar of need in the moments before she’d kissed him.
All of those things were new and they meant something to her.
Besides, she had genuinely become friends with him.
She had talked to him about things she’d never dared name before and he’d soothed her fears away.
He had made her feel seen and understood. The loss of that was devastating.
If there was only one person for everyone. It felt very much like Sampath might have been that one person for her – and she’d messed it up.
The thing that had snapped her out of her self-pity was Marcus, turning up with a box of her things. He looked just as put together, just as handsome and elegant as he always did. He hadn’t asked her how she was, although, given the state of her hair it would have been obvious.
She’d said, ‘So, are you with Nirmala now?’
He looked at her as though she was mad. ‘No. Of course not. That wasn’t serious. I told you. It didn’t mean anything.’
She shouldn’t have been shocked, but she was. It was bad enough that he’d cheated on her, but he didn’t even care about the woman he’d cheated on her with. Neither of them meant that much to him. ‘Does she know that?’
He shrugged. ‘Anyway,’ he said. ‘I’ve squared everything with the wedding planning company. It was an expensive experiment in … something. I don’t know. Well. I don’t think you have anything of mine in your flat, do you?’
‘I don’t think so.’ She had changed everything in her life to fit around him, but it turned out that he’d made no effort to fit with hers. Apart from meeting her parents. Whom she was currently avoiding.
‘Great. Well, I might see you at some literary event, but I doubt it. Goodbye, Kalpana. Have a nice life.’
Even thinking about it now annoyed her anew.
The sneer in his voice when he said, ‘I doubt it’.
Well, that had galvanised her into action again.
She had called her agent and confirmed that she would be doing whatever promotional activities were required of her and if they had more for her to do, she’d do that too.
Now, she was about to go and sit out on the shop floor for two hours, talking to readers and signing their books.
She felt fragile, friable, like she would crumble and blow away any minute, but she could do this.
Suzie hurried off and returned a few minutes later. ‘Okay. We’re ready for you now.
***
Sampath chose a seat as far away from the stage as possible.
The room had been set up in the back section of the shop, where chairs had been put out in the bays between the bookshelves.
The special-offer tables had been moved back.
There were two high stools, both with microphones in front of them, so that everyone could see Kalpana and her interviewer when they spoke.
The other seats in the room filled up. The audience was mostly women, the few men who were there were with women.
He was the only single man in the room. He had purposely worn one of his most muted shirts and jeans, so that he didn’t stand out.
He still got a few odd looks though. He took out his phone and stared at it so that he didn’t have to interact.
A small part of him had hoped that time would make it easier. That maybe, when he was back on familiar ground, he might realise that what he felt for Kalpana was only a holiday infatuation. But he knew now that wasn’t the case. There was no doubt now about how serious his feelings for her were.
He thought about her all the time. She had told him not to call, but he had been so tempted, so often.
He felt awkward about checking in on her social media every day, but he simply couldn’t stay away.
When, in the first week, she hadn’t posted anything, he was almost worried enough to call her to see if she was okay.
But then Marcus had posted about how he was single again and he’d realised that Kalpana was probably staying away to avoid the toxicity and speculation that would arise from that.
Then she’d started posting about her book launch and Sampath had been able to breathe again.
Which brought him to here. He shouldn’t be here, but the opportunity to see her, to hear her voice, was too much for him to resist. He promised himself that he would sneak out as soon as the event ended. She need never know he was even there.
The event started and Kalpana came in. He craned his neck to see.
She was wearing an orange top and a brightly coloured skirt that he’d watched her buy in Colombo.
Her hair was down and gathered over one shoulder.
She looked so beautiful. She was everything, and he had lost her. He shouldn’t have come. It hurt.
He sat through the interview, actually listening to the answers, because he was genuinely interested.
He had already read the e-book, so he knew what she was referring to when she talked about elements of the story.
Having got to know her, he realised that her author persona was very similar to her real-life personality, only a little less serious.
The pain in his heart morphed into something gentler, tempered by pride.
She must be having a difficult time since splitting up with Marcus.
When all was said and done, their lives had still been linked and breaking up was always hard.
But here she was, answering questions and making jokes like the professional that she was. He was so proud of her.
They got through the scripted questions and moved to the audience Q&A. There were a few questions about the book, then someone asked, ‘Have you ever been in love?’
Kalpana’s mouth opened, but for a second no sound came out.
The interviewer cut in, ‘That’s a bit of a personal question—’
‘No, no. It’s okay,’ Kalpana said. ‘I … guess you’re referring to the fact that I recently ended my engagement to Marcus Lloyd-Howell.
’ She nodded slowly and took a deep breath.
‘You could say I thought I was in love with Marcus, but I was wrong. I’ve seen what the real thing is like and … what we had wasn’t it.’
Sampath forgot to breathe. She’d seen what real love was like? Was she talking about him? Did she … have feelings for him? Real ones. Not rebound ones. It seemed like she might. He gasped out a breath and the woman sitting next to him gave him a funny look.
When the discussion ended, Kalpana moved to a table, where she could sign books. People shifted around and a queue formed in the shop, snaking through the different sections. Sampath retreated to a different part of the shop. He had intended to leave, but … I’ve seen what the real thing is like.
If he left now, he would never know if she’d meant him. What would his sister say? Lihini would kill him if he left without finding out. He had to see Kalpana and find out if she really did want him to stay away.
He grabbed a copy of the book and joined the end of the queue.
***
There were a lot of books to sign. Kalpana had already signed a whole load for online orders and her wrist was starting to hurt already.
Thank goodness there was a cool pack waiting for her when she finished.
The shop assistants had gone along the queue with Post-it notes, asking people to write the name they wanted the book dedicated to.
That made it so much easier to be sure she’d spell it correctly.
She tried to say a few words to each person, but she seemed to be having the same conversation over and over.
She had done these sorts of signings before. The difference today was that when people told her they loved her book, she believed them. It made her feel a warm glow inside. Her books touched people. Her writing brought them joy.
A woman thanked her profusely and left the table, clutching her book. Suzie passed her another book, open to the page she needed to sign. Kalpana looked at the name on the Post-it note and blinked. Sampath.
She looked up and there he was, looking a little nervous. Her heart leapt. Suddenly, nothing else mattered. Everything in her surged with happiness. She couldn’t have stopped her smile if she’d tried.
‘Hi,’ he said.
She wanted to say something profound. Or witty. But what came out was, ‘Haven’t you bought the book already?’
He gave her a sheepish grin. ‘I thought I’d get the paperback as well. To prove I’d really met the author.’
They stared at each other for a beat, then she noticed that someone had brought out a smartphone. Right. Public. She wrote in the dedication and signed her name.
‘Can I talk to you?’ he asked, in a low voice.
She glanced pointedly at the queue. People were craning to look and whispering to each other.
‘After the event,’ Sampath said. ‘I’ll wait for you.’
She gave him a small nod, closed the book and handed it to him. ‘Enjoy the book.’
‘I already did,’ he said. ‘I loved it. I’ll leave a review soon.’
She held his gaze for a second. ‘Thank you.’