Chapter 19 #2
Desmond looked up at him again. “I did something wrong,” he said. “I was stupid and let Matthew manipulate me into something I didn’t want. Now I’m paying the price for it.”
Javier’s brow shot up. “Is this all you punishing yourself for staying with Matthew for so long?”
Desmond looked just as surprised as Javier felt. “I…I don’t know. Maybe?”
“Oh, baby,” Javier said, inching closer to him.
He would have pulled the man into his arms and kissed him, but there was a kid’s birthday party raging around them, and despite the fact that he felt as serious as he’d ever felt, he was dressed like a glittery pink and green nob.
“You can’t blame yourself for someone else putting you through hell. ”
“Can I blame myself for staying in hell for so long instead of getting out of it when I should have?” Desmond asked.
“No,” Javier told him frankly. “You can’t do any of that. But talk to me. What’s really going on here?”
“What’s going on is that I’m a complete cock-up,” Desmond said with more energy. “I was coerced into doing something illegal and immoral, and when I could have just brushed it all under the carpet and moved on, I let it explode my life instead.”
“Is that why you quit?”
Desmond blew out a breath and moved to rub his face with one hand. The ground under him was unstable, though, and instead of the gesture of defeat, he spent a few seconds scrambling for his balance before saying, “If we’re going to talk about this, we shouldn’t do it in a bouncy castle.”
“You’re right,” Javier said, rolling to his knees, then trying to stand.
Desmond mirrored his movements, but neither of them were built for bouncy castles.
As soon as they tried to stand, the floor bobbed and swayed under them.
They grabbed onto each other for balance, but since neither of them were stable, that only tipped them completely to the side, sending them sprawling back to the floor.
That fall caused the entire floor to dip and roll, which made balance even more impossible. Javier’s stupid headdress was knocked to one side, and as he tried to right himself, Desmond accidentally pushed a knee into his groin.
“Not in front of the children, honey,” Javier squeezed out, grabbing Desmond’s side.
Of all things, Desmond laughed. It was a sudden, blurted sound of humor that hit Javier right in the heart and made him laugh, too.
Laughing was not conducive to standing and walking out of a bouncy castle, though.
Every movement the two of them made to try to right themselves and head for the door only tangled them up more and made it impossible to move.
Finally, Javier gave up entirely and just lay there, bobbing up and down, sprawled and laughing.
“Why is this so difficult?” Desmond laughed, unable to stop himself. “I’m supposed to be feeling miserable and penitent right now, not giddy.”
“Who says you’re supposed to feel miserable?” Javier asked, feeling anything but gloomy just then.
“Isn’t that the price of doing the right thing after failing to do it for so long?” Desmond asked, giving up his struggle and sprawling over Javier. “I did something wrong. I should feel bad.”
“Honey, for the last time, when am I going to have to stop rescuing you from ex-boyfriends?” Javier said scoldingly, but feeling like the sun had just broken through the clouds.
“I beg your pardon?” Desmond asked, muscling himself up to look down at Javier.
“This isn’t you talking, sweetheart, it’s the pain Matthew and God knows who else caused you.” Javier shifted to his side and tried to sit so that he could scoot toward the castle’s exit on his bum. “You’re allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to live your life however you want.”
“I don’t think I deserve it after everything I did,” Desmond said, scooting after him.
Anyone looking at them from afar would have no idea they were having such an important discussion.
They looked beyond ridiculous. Javier’s headdress had fallen off completely and was nearly strangling him as the chin strap pushed against his throat.
Desmond’s shirt had hiked up enough to show some skin, which Javier would have appreciated under any other circumstance.
Once they finally made it out of the bouncy castle and stood in the grass, panting and catching their breaths, Javier stood straight and faced Desmond. “You’re human. You’re allowed to make mistakes. We all did and we all do. You didn’t have to quit your job over it.”
“I wanted to quit,” Desmond said, a flush painting his face and a different sort of light sparking in his eyes. “I wasn’t happy there. I haven’t been happy for a long time.”
Javier blinked. This was something entirely different from what he thought they were dealing with. “Really?”
“Yes,” Desmond said, more energy filling him. “Just because I was good at numbers and figures and charming people at corporate events didn’t mean I liked it. You taught me that.”
Javier arched one glittery eyebrow. “Are you going to blame all this on me?” he asked, not that he minded the idea.
Desmond shook his head. “Not blame,” he said. “You just made me see that I was in the wrong place, with the wrong people. I wasn’t happy there. I’m happy with you.”
Javier sucked in a breath, feeling like the glitter all over him had sunk into his soul. “Baby, that’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“It’s true,” Desmond said with a nod. “I like who I am on the weekends. I like the way we are together. I know that was supposed to be our bubble separate from reality, but…I like that reality more than the rest of my life.”
Javier met those beautiful words with a smile. “I like it better than the rest, too,” he said quietly.
For a second, the two of them just stood there smiling at each other. Then Desmond said, “So what do we do about it?”
Javier had a few ideas, but before he could say any of them, a different voice cut through the blossoming joy of the moment.
“I didn’t think it was possible for you to make a bigger fool of yourself, but it appears I was wrong.”
The two of them turned together to find Matthew approaching them with a nasty smirk.