Chapter 20 #2
She’d borrowed Beulah’s car and gone into Yarmouth to buy herself a new dress.
It was ankle skimming and floaty with little covered buttons down the front and a tie at the back, which cinched the floral fabric in at the waist. Jules swayed backwards and forwards in front of the full-length mirror.
It was the perfect summer dress. She let her hair dry naturally in the afternoon sunshine and used her fingers to tease out the waves.
Her toenails were painted a pretty carnation pink and she’d borrowed some gold sandals from Carrie.
As she stood looking at herself, she dropped her shoulders, lifted herself up from the hips and took a deep breath.
This would be the most amount of people she had been with for weeks.
Suddenly she wasn’t sure how she would cope.
If she could just go under her own steam and be free to leave when she wanted to, she’d be all right.
‘Oh, don’t you look beautiful,’ Beulah said, popping her head around the door.
‘Thanks, Mum. You look pretty glam yourself.’
Beulah beamed and did a little twirl.
‘I’ve been wanting an excuse to wear this hand-painted silk blouse forever. It’s vintage. I got it in a charity shop in Chichester, and I’d already got these trousers.’
‘It’s very you.’
‘Thank you, darling. I think your father would have liked it. I always think about his tastes when I buy something special. I always wanted to look nice for him. I still do.’
‘But you still dressed for yourself, didn’t you?’
‘Of course, but then your father never wanted me to be anybody apart from who I was.’
‘That’s nice. I think Gavin tried to turn me into a version of his perfect woman.’
Beulah came over and placed her hands on Jules’s forearms.
‘Jules, my precious, to those of us who love you best, you are perfect as you are.’
Jules blinked away tears.
‘I’m so sorry for being such a difficult daughter, for letting you down, for not being there when you needed me.’
Beulah tightened her grip and adopted a fierce expression.
‘Do not say that. You have never ever let me down. We’ve both dealt with what life has thrown at us in the best way that we could and I’m more than aware that I’m not the easiest of mothers. Now, please do not cry because you’ll set me off, too.’
‘I don’t think I’m up to going tonight. All of those people…’
‘Which is what I thought you would say.’
She reached for her clutch bag and fished a small brown bottle from inside and waved it in front of Jules’s face.
‘Rescue remedy. Marvellous stuff. It’s got me through stage fright on many occasions. Open your mouth.’
She dropped some of the liquid on to Jules’s tongue.
‘Now, come on, I’m going to drop you around to the farm and I’ll see you there.’
Jules smiled. Trust her mother to have wangled an invitation through Jo. She was glad though. It felt surprisingly reassuring to know that she was going to be there.
‘I could come with the two of you.’
‘Oh, darling, would that you could, but Jo’s car’s on the blink so I said I’d pick her up and I really don’t want you squashed into the back seat of the Fiat in that gorgeous dress. Besides, from what you’ve told me Tasha could do with some moral support as well.’
‘Dad’s too busy to come and Mum’s thrown a wobbly so she’s redoing her make-up, but I’ve got to go with her and Will,’ Tasha said when Jules arrived at the farm. She checked her watch. ‘Lance and Erin will be here soon. Oh, here they are.’
The old estate car pulled into the farmyard and instinctively Jules retreated behind a planter filled with an extremely tall dahlia with orange dinnerplate-sized flowers.
‘Look who’s here,’ Tasha said, as Erin stepped out. ‘Jules, where have you gone?’
She stepped out feeling doubly foolish.
Erin pressed her hands together.
‘Jules! You look amazing! Look, Dad, Jules is here.’
The driver’s door opened and he stepped out dressed in a crisp white shirt and olive-green chinos.
He smiled half-heartedly, she thought.
‘Hi!’ she said, shyly lifting her hand. ‘I changed my mind. Hope that’s okay?’
‘Of course.’
‘Dad, I’m going to go with Tasha if that’s all right?’ Erin said.
Jules felt a gulf of panic begin to open up inside her. Erin beckoned them all closer and lowered her voice.
‘The thing is, if I’m here Christabel will have to take me. Otherwise, she might decide at the last minute to pull out.’
‘This woman is mega on social media,’ Tasha said. ‘I’m pretty sure Mum will move heaven and earth to be there, but thanks.’
‘Jules, you don’t mind going with Dad, do you?’
She shook her head, thinking she couldn’t look particularly convincing. Lance opened the passenger door for her.
‘Sorry,’ he whispered, as she swivelled into the seat. ‘That feels a bit like a set up. Nothing to do with me, I can assure you.’
He stooped to scoop the hem of her dress up into the car and closed the door. From the way he pressed his lips together she was sure he felt as uncomfortable as she did.
They drove through the lanes in relative silence, Lance occasionally slowing to point something out to her. Jules had never felt more self-conscious and he, too, seemed unusually uptight.
‘Tell me about where we’re going,’ she said, after a silence that felt as if it would go on for ever.
‘A big house almost in the middle of the island. The husband works in finance in London and the wife, Gabriella, is an interior designer. She’s been all over the world, had features in national newspapers and glossy magazines plus of course a devoted following on social media.
She’s converted this barn in the grounds and wants to showcase local artisans. ’
‘Sounds as if it could be very promising for you.’
‘It needs to be,’ he said, his mouth set in a grim line. ‘I met my accountant today and…’
He fell silent as they stopped at a junction.
‘I’m not sure how much longer I can carry on,’ he said.
‘Oh, Lance. I’m sorry. I had absolutely no idea. The car park has always seemed busy when I’ve driven past.’
‘That will be for the tearoom, which is what really keeps us going. When Sarah was alive, she ran that with just a bit of help. Baked most of the cakes herself. Any artistic venture is a risk, a precarious way to make a living, and Covid destroyed so many niche businesses, so many dreams. It nearly finished us. We’d already had to tighten our belts because of buying in cakes and employing more people, which cut into our profits, and now with business rates going up, higher wages and people being a lot more cautious about what they spend their money on… ’
He looked momentarily defeated. She wanted to lean across and cover his hand on the steering wheel, do something to comfort him.
‘Isn’t there anything you can do?’
‘The only money I have saved is from Sarah’s life insurance. It isn’t much and I really wanted to ringfence that for the children.’
‘That’s laudable.’
‘It’s what she would have wanted.’
‘But from what you’ve said, she’d have wanted you to keep the pottery going, too.’
‘Yes,’ he said slowly. ‘I think she would, although it was more my dream than hers. She was very supportive even though her parents were horrified. I think they blame me a little for what happened.’
‘How?’
‘Stress. They believe the stress of running the pottery caused the cancer.’
‘That’s ridiculous and very unfair to say so.’
‘Oh, they haven’t actually said it out loud, but I’m pretty sure that’s what they think.
The place was very rundown when we moved over here.
We did all the renovation work ourselves, even down to making the kitchen cupboards.
It’s amazing what you can learn from YouTube!
It was exhausting, though, and Erin was little so we tried to make sure she settled in.
Maybe we did take on too much. Sometimes the constant worry wears you down.
Sorry to offload. Bet you wish you’d gone in the car with Christabel. ’
‘Um, no!’
‘Please don’t say anything to anyone. The last thing you want customers to know is that a business or its owner is struggling.
It’s the kiss of death. To be honest, I’m more worried about the children than the business.
I can start up again somewhere else doing something different, but Erin loves it here and Fitz has ADHD so he would probably find it really hard to settle into a new school and make new friends. ’
‘And Tasha would be devastated if you all left.’
‘I know. She’s like another daughter.’
He turned the car into a driveway flanked by tall iron gates.
‘Here we are,’ he said, turning to look at her for the first time. ‘I hate things like this. “You need to sell yourself, darling,” Gabriella said to me when I came over last week, but I’m no good at that stuff. I just want to sit in my studio and create.’
‘Then I’ll do it for you,’ she said. ‘Point me in the direction of the right people and I’ll sell you and your beautiful artefacts.’
He looked doubtful.
‘You don’t believe me? I can be really positive if I put my mind to it. It’s time I rediscovered that positive person instead of wallowing in self-pity. Look at it as a quid pro quo if that makes you feel any easier. You’ve helped me out since I came here. Now it’s my turn to do the same for you.’
Side by side they walked up a tree-lined path towards the barn; little lanterns, already lit, had been placed on the ground ready for when darkness arrived.
‘This place is stunning,’ Jules said, looking down towards a lake where swans glided lazily across the water.
Outside the barn were a plethora of terracotta pots filled with every shape and size of perfectly clipped box bushes.
Draped beneath the eaves of the barn itself were festoons of fairy lights and from inside came the clink of glasses and chatter of voices.
‘Deep breaths,’ Jules said as they paused outside the open doorway.
She felt the tension radiating off him and reached for his hand.
‘You’ve got this,’ she whispered. ‘We both have.’