Chapter Thirty-One #2
“I know, but I was—I was having both Upper’s and Devil’s backs by keeping my mouth shut, and I was having your back by bugging them to tell you or I’d spill, and I didn’t want you to be hurt, and I also didn’t want them to be hurt too, and it just got so confusing and delicate so fast that I—I’m sorry. I should have said something.”
I chuckled, letting out a sigh. “We all suck because I would have also wanted to protect them if I were in your shoes.”
“I don’t think five people can be best friends. Because when one person has a secret that concerns another person, it’s flipping hard to keep it because you’re considering everyone’s feelings and the fucking pressure is choking.”
“I think we’re trying. And I think this whole day has been shit.”
She let out a loud sigh of relief. “I know! Dog refused to cook, so yes, it has been shit, and now I gotta bake. I guarantee a burnt dinner; sorry in advance.”
“I don’t care if it’s charcoal, I’ll eat anything, cause I’m starving. I’ll come to help soon, just gotta talk to Devil real quick.”
“Go easy on him.”
“I will,” I said, making my way to the backyard.
When I opened the door, I was greeted with golden hour sunlight and cool weather that seemed to draw me towards Devil’s somber figure, sitting on the back porch as guards walked by here and there, with cars entering and leaving the compound.
I walked over to him, sitting by his side.
I stifled a yawn as I bathed in the sunlight before looking over at him. His skin, the same shade as Elio’s, glowed under the light with a natural ease that had me comparing his eyelashes to his brother’s. They weren’t as long, but they were thick and had the same shadowing grace.
I could spot some resemblance here and there, but I looked away before said brother started plaguing my mind again.
“You look like a vampire under this light.” I broke the silence.
He scoffed a chuckle, and I caught him stealing a glance my way. “Why? Do I sparkle?”
I looked at him. “No … you glow.”
“Real smooth, Z. A for effort.”
“Thank you, I’m glad,” I said with a smile, and he turned to look at me.
“Sorry about the boardroom—I was just pissed. You didn’t want to talk to me, and the time you did, you called me out on—Upper.
” He sighed, looking away and ahead. “I’m sorry about everything.
I was—I didn’t handle it well; this thing with Upper is …
confusing. I don’t—I don’t know how to separate it from my feelings for you, and I know that’s a shitty thing to say in this situation because I don’t want either of you to get hurt, and I—”
My hand covered his. “Hey…”
He sucked in a breath, intertwining our fingers before turning to look at me.
“It’s fine … I’m not angry anymore.”
His eyes searched mine. “No, it’s not fine. I am angry. I am angry at myself and my feelings and how badly I fucked up. For hurting you. I love you, I know I do. It’s just—”
“It’s different when you’re with him,” I completed.
He looked down at our hands together. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I laughed lightly. “I don’t know how I didn’t see it. You both spend so much time together, but when we’re all together, you barely talk to each other. I should have seen it.”
“Milk caught on first. It’s not her fault she didn’t tell you.
Upper and I wanted to tell you—but then I freaked because I feel something for you, and I didn’t want to throw that away because being with Upper is so consuming, like—I fight for breath whenever he’s near, and it fucking scares me, Zahra.
Because it was so sudden. We’ve known each other for years, and I’ve never once thought that—I’ve never once seen him that way, and now it’s—now I’ve fucked it up. ”
I didn’t know love. I thought I did until the person who made me believe I did explained how he felt when he saw me, and I realized I didn’t feel that way; I realized I was scared, not in love.
What Devil had just described sounded an awful lot like the words of someone in love … It was crazy.
I wanted that … someday. A dream, I knew, but—it wasn’t bad to dream it.
“What are you gonna do about it?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said.
“Nothing?”
“I don’t know, Z. I still need to work out some things, and I—what about this—us.”
“I know it’s not going to happen, and I’m okay with that.
It doesn’t change the fact that you’re my best friend and that I love you and will always be there for you.
Our promises remain the same. You can cry if you want, I’d never tell anyone.
You can tell me how bad you can’t stop staring at Upper; I’ll keep it till I’m six feet under—”
“And you’ll always have me in line?”
“Of course.” I smiled softly. “Always.”
He wrapped his arms around me, pulling my body to his as he pressed a kiss to my hair.
A comfortable silence settled between us as we watched the sun go down.
“Why did my brother want you to stay back?”
I froze, and he noticed because he was already pulling away from my body, leveling me with a look.
“Nothing,” I blurted.
Devil frowned. “Why … are you lying?”
“I’m not; he just wanted to know what was up with everyone.”
“Why would he be asking you that?”
I shrugged. “I guess we—we’re kind of, like, friends?”
His frown deepened. “Yeah … no.”
I laughed it off, backtracking. “I’m joking. He probably wanted to ask you, but you stormed off early, and he knows I know, and well—yeah, nothing serious.”
He eyed me. “You’ll stay away from him.”
“Are you asking or telling?”
“Neither. It’s a given. You don’t get close to someone like that.”
I became surprisingly uncomfortable. “You yourself said he wasn’t that bad.”
“Yeah, wasn’t. That’s until he tried to drown you and almost killed you; why are we even debating this?”
I blinked. “We’re not. Just—he’s your brother, and I thought you wanted to get closer to him.”
“Not anymore.”
“He cares about you.”
“He pointed a gun at me.”
“Devil—”
“Why are you defending him, Z.”
I hesitated. “I’m not.”
His eyes searched mine. “You will stay away from him, right? We do this one mission, and we’re out, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Zahra—”
“I will stay away. I have—I have no interest. I promise,” I lied.
He let out a sigh of relief. “You scared me with the whole defending-him thing. He’s not a good guy; he’s just very good at making people think he is.”
“Mmm.”
“Yo, quick team meeting, you shitheads!” Dog yelled from the window, and I snorted, glad for his interruption because I was close to getting the air sucked out of me with this damn conversation.
We both joined the rest in the living room. Upper was there, curled beside Milk, who was stroking his hair.
He still looked sleepy, like Dog had dragged him out of my bed.
Upper eyed us with a frown, but I smiled to let him know I said nothing. He visibly relaxed.
When Devil and I settled on a chair next to each other, Dog clapped his hand once, standing in the middle of the room.
“Great, the whole family’s here together. We have two options we can go through to clear the air and get our shit together.”
“What’s the first one?” Upper asked, and I knew it was to indulge him because we’d already cleared the air.
“I’m stoked that you asked. The first one is to talk. It’s very fucking boring, I know, but it might help if we all just—talked in the sense that—we tell each other one thing we’ve never told each other to rekindle our bond. We don’t ask questions; we just tell.”
Devil relaxed back on the couch, throwing his arm around my shoulder and pulling me back with him. “And the second one?” he asked.
“We have a sweaty, steamy gang bang that centers very close to a very sweaty orgy. We let out our frustrations by fucking each other’s brains out.”
“My God, you’re such a man-slut,” Milk said, her nose scrunched up in disgust.
Upper spoke up drowsily. “That’s not a bad idea.”
Dog pointed his hand in Upper’s direction with a grin. “See, Upper gets it.”
“Upper is sleep-deprived,” Devil pointed out.
“Yup.” Upper snuggled closer to Milk. “That’s bloody right.” He yawned.
“I say we give the first option a theme, like the truth behind our names?” Milk suggested.
We all nodded in agreement.
“Okay, so the first option, who’s going first?” Dog asked.
“No one asks questions, right?” Devil inquired.
“Yup. No questions.”
“Elio Marino’s my half-brother. He’s The Wicked, and I’m The Devil,” Devil said.
There was silence. A very long silence.
Upper and Milk shared the same wide-eyed look.
Even though I knew, it didn’t stop me from freezing beside him, seeing as he had just blurted it out.
Just like that.
“Are you serious?” Upper asked.
“As a heart attack,” Devil responded.
“Dude,” Milk breathed out.
Dog slowly took a seat on the single-seater couch. “Now that’s a fucking foul; how can you expect us not to ask questions, motherfucker.”
Devil shrugged. “You made the rules.”
“My fucking God,” Dog muttered. “I’ll go next. Since we’re starting with the heavy shit.” He squared his shoulders.
We all waited for him to speak, and I braced myself.
“I had a dog named Dog. I mistakenly shot him when I was seven. With my mom’s stun gun. She was a cop. He didn’t wake up.”
Silence settled.
“That’s—that’s awful,” Upper said, straightening.
“I’m sorry,” Milk whispered.
“Yeah, thanks.” Dog offered a tight smile.
“I’ll go next,” Upper said. “Kinda glad we’re not asking questions because … yeah.”
He swallowed. “I … I am a bastard prince.”
“I fucking knew this bitch was rich,” Dog said with a grin that showed he had been suspecting.
“So you didn’t climb up ventilators to get an education,” Milk mused. “Wow.”
Upper shrugged.
Dog slapped his knees. “No wonder he’s Upper, cause…”
“Upper class,” I completed.
“Got to keep some of it,” Upper said.
“Still doesn’t make sense,” Devil said. “Just saying.”
I jabbed him in the ribs.
Blowing out a breath, I sat up. “I’ll go next.”
The room went silent, all eyes on me.
“I—” My throat clogged, and I cleared it. “I put that anklet on myself. To remember who I am. I forget sometimes.”
“Oh damn,” Dog said.
“Sucks that I lost it,” I said with a chuckle.
“You don’t need it anymore,” Devil said beside me. “We’re here to remind you every day who you are.”
“I agree,” Upper said with a smile, and Milk offered me a reassuring nod.
“My turn,” Milk said with a cautious smile.
We all waited for her to speak, and for a moment, her eyes glazed over like she was remembering what she was about to divulge.
“I found my mother hanging from her bedroom ceiling when I was nine. I didn’t call for help, didn’t leave the house.
The guy who delivered milk to us every day was the one who noticed my mother never came to open the door.
I survived on milk while her body grew rotten in her bedroom.
On the fourth day, he was concerned, so he came into the house and saw her. Still hanging.”
This time, the silence was heavy.
“That’s…” Dog said. “I’m sorry, Milk.”
She nodded with an appreciative smile.
“You’re strong,” I told her. “Literally, every time someone calls you Milk, you have to remember.”
She shrugged. “I don’t want to forget.”
I’d never felt closer to every single one of them than I did now. Everything just had … meaning.
A comfortable silence settled, and a smile crept up my lips. “I love you guys. More than anything.”
They didn’t need to say it back; I saw the response on their faces.
“We should do this more often,” Dog said, “because I’d really love to know how the fuck he’s related to Marino.” He motioned to Devil.
“And how rich Upper is,” Milk added.
“Maybe next time when we fight. For now”—I got to my feet—“I’m fucking starving, and I need food.”
Upper sighed, holding his stomach. “Me too.”
“Come on, baby, let’s go see what Milk burned.” I reached towards him and outstretched my hand. He grabbed it, and I hurled him up as we headed to the kitchen.
“I haven’t even started yet!” I heard Milk’s voice close behind me.
“Nobody can do anything without me,” Dog muttered.
“You gotta admit. It was a dick move to deny everyone food.” Devil aimed the jab at him.
“I was hoping you guys would settle for the orgy option. All the food we need.”
“Get the fuck out.” Devil laughed.
I smiled from my position behind the counter.
We’re okay.
No.
We’re more than okay, even better than before we had the fight.
I knew in my heart that we’d always be okay.
My gaze traveled in Upper’s direction to find him bickering with Milk over a tray choice.
I hoped this new development was enough reason for him to want to stay.