Chapter 19
Jameson had stalled as long as he could, hoping Lottie would be sound asleep by the time he crawled into bed.
He stood at the edge and held his breath. Did he really dare climb in beside her?
His pulse spurted at the prospect of lying so close to her.
Earlier, he’d warned himself to be content with holding her hand and sitting beside her on the bench outside the door, which they’d done for at least an hour.
They’d talked quietly about the boys and what discipline they deserved and how they looked up to Jameson already.
When Lottie had started yawning, he’d released her hand and stood, telling her he needed to check on Rascal and Cougar and do a few other things before going to bed. She hadn’t argued but instead had risen and stretched before heading inside.
Now, as he stood in the dark, he tried to still the tremor in his body.
This was what they’d agreed upon. They would share a bed for the sake of the boys so that they didn’t face any more awkward questions.
But they would also wait to consummate their marriage until they had more time to learn to like each other.
Of course, he liked her already. He actually loved her more passionately with every passing day he was on the ranch.
He couldn’t admit that to her yet—not when she’d so recently been opposed to marriage and was still adjusting to the idea of being married again.
He didn’t want to hurt her or pressure her or do anything that might make things strained between them.
He’d been reminding himself they had all the time in the world to be together now that they were married.
They didn’t need to hurry anything. In fact, he wanted to win her affection slowly, showing her that he cared about her for who she was and not for her body—although her body was the image of perfection, if he could say so himself.
The lantern had been extinguished a while ago, and now only the moonlight illuminated the interior of the house. It was enough for him to see that the boys and Mimmi were asleep on their pallets.
Lottie was facing the wall away from him, wearing a nightdress and draped with a thin sheet. He guessed that she didn’t normally cover herself when the heat of the day lingered into the night, but that she’d made an effort to be more modest with him.
Even with her discretion, his body ached at the sight of her, just as he’d known it would. His body always reacted to the sight of her. But tonight, now that they were married, he craved her even more than usual.
He drew in a breath, then began to shed his clothing—or at least some of it.
He slipped out of his boots, removed his gun holster, then took off his shirt.
His arm still bothered him from time to time, especially when he was getting his clothes on and off.
Tonight, though, he barely thought about the pain as he dropped his shirt to the floor and then lowered himself to the bed.
As the mattress sank beneath him, he stalled and watched Lottie’s back, hoping he wouldn’t wake her. When she remained motionless, he carefully lay back and stretched out. He hadn’t slept in a bed since the night he’d been shot. Before that, it had been since leaving home.
The mattress and pillow cushioned him, and the sheet was cool. Even so, his body was radiating a heat that had nothing to do with the hot and humid June night.
He stared at the low ceiling beams and didn’t move. He was afraid that if he shifted, he’d accidentally brush against Lottie, and he didn’t want her to think he was taking advantage of her or the situation.
She’d agreed that they needed to wait, even if she’d admitted to enjoying their kisses and had kissed him again in front of the boys.
At just the thought of the recent kisses, the craving inside him swelled rapidly, making him ravenous for more of her.
Holy smokes. He’d loved that short kiss. It had been full of power and sass and sweetness all at once.
He turned his head and looked at her in the darkness.
Her hair was loose and right beside him, practically begging him to run his fingers through it.
But if he did that, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to disentangle his fingers, except maybe to let them stray to her shoulders and back.
Then once he was caressing her, how would he be able to stop?
No, he couldn’t start.
One of the boys made a snoring noise, bringing Jameson back to reality.
Besides, he couldn’t imagine being intimate with Lottie with the boys and Mimmi in the same room.
He would have to wait until he enlarged the house, maybe adding another room or two.
He could do so easily enough and build beds for the boys and Mimmi.
He began to draw up plans in his head, hoping to take his mind off the beautiful woman beside him.
Lottie released a soft breath and then rolled over, reaching toward the spot he occupied. Her hand landed on his bare chest. “Oh, you’re finally here,” she whispered sleepily.
He froze. “Yes, sorry if I woke you.”
She patted his chest. “Don’t worry. I’m still asleep.”
He waited for her to remove her hand, but her fingers rested lightly against his bare skin at his ribcage.
Well, shoot. Her touch wouldn’t help him forget about her lying beside him.
Should he lift her hand away? Maybe roll onto his side so that it naturally dropped? Or was he making a bigger deal out of her touch than he should?
He allowed himself a peek at her face. Her eyes were closed, and her expression was smooth and peaceful—and as beautiful as usual, with her thick lashes resting against her cheeks. She did seem to be asleep, and she probably hadn’t meant to be sensual or enticing.
He held himself rigidly for several more heartbeats before breathing again. He had to relax. They were bound to brush against each other or have these kinds of moments while sharing a bed. It was inevitable.
Even if such contact made him think about her and want her even more, he was a man of integrity and self-control.
He intended to honor their agreement to slowly build a relationship.
After all, she’d already been hesitant to marry him tonight, and he didn’t want to give her any reasons to regret her decision when daylight came.
Steeling himself, he once again forced himself to think about the new addition he could build.
The supply of wood in Texas wasn’t as plentiful as in Colorado, and he’d probably have to go into Turnersville or Corpus Christi to purchase what he needed.
Maybe by the time he had the new rooms added on to the house, Lottie would love him.
Because ultimately, that was what he wanted, wasn’t it? For her to eventually fall in love with him.
He was pretty sure that with her hand on his chest and her face so close and her lips so kissable, he would never fall asleep. But at some point, he must have dozed, because the next thing he knew, a little body was hopping on the bed beside him—or maybe even on top of him.
Jameson’s eyes flew open to find a smiling face above his. Bo’s.
In the space of an instant, he took in his position. Lottie was curled up next to him, her head resting on his arm and one of her legs tangled in his.
The faint light of day was starting to come through the eastern window. Kace wasn’t in the house—was probably already out with Rascal, checking on the dog. Mimmi was at the stove and offered him an apologetic look.
“Bo,” Mimmi gently chided. “I told you not to disturb your new father. Now get down.”
“I’m not disturbing. I’m waking him up.”
The woman just shook her head.
Beside him, Lottie stirred but didn’t move away from Jameson. “It’s early, Bo. Let me sleep a little longer.”
Bo giggled. “Mimmi said you’d be extra tired today.”
At the insinuation, Jameson stilled.
Beside him, Lottie grew motionless too, while Bo continued to chatter away.
Jameson could tell the moment she realized how close she was to him. And how intimate.
With a sharp intake of breath, she pushed away, trying to put some distance between them. But Bo’s weight on the cover hampered her escape effort, practically pinning her to Jameson’s side.
As she tugged at the sheet, Jameson met her sleepy, half-lidded gaze, only inches from his. The sight of her so tousled, with her nightgown slipping off one shoulder, stirred the heat inside him that he thought he’d banked last night.
This morning, it blazed to life hotter than ever, even with Bo there chattering away.
“I’m sorry,” she said, a flush moving into her cheeks and making her even more beautiful.
“It’s all right.” He knew she was apologizing for the way she’d been lying on him when they’d woken up. “I’m not complaining.”
At his lighthearted comment, she seemed to relax. “Good,” she whispered back, her gaze dropping to his mouth and settling there. Blatant longing filled her eyes.
He had the sudden need to draw her even closer and show her that he really didn’t mind holding her and having her by his side. But he couldn’t. He’d made it through the night without letting anything more happen between them, and he wasn’t about to start now.
Bo began crawling off the end of the bed, still talking, although Jameson couldn’t concentrate on anything but Lottie.
“We’re married,” she whispered.
“Any regrets?” His question was hesitant.
“No. You?”
“You’re sure?” He couldn’t stop himself from persisting, needing to know how she really felt.
She smiled, reached up her hand, and cupped his cheek. “I’m happy, Jameson, really happy that we’re married.”
He loved lying beside her in bed and talking like this. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. “I thought maybe once morning came, you’d think we rushed things.”
“Not at all.” She caressed his cheek again. “It was a good decision for me. But what about you? What if someday you miss Colorado and want to go back?”
Even if he missed the mountains and the beauty of the state, he hadn’t really considered going back. Not after the rift with his family. Yes, he was realizing more with every passing day that he needed to reach out to them, but he had no desire to live near them. “This is my new home now.”
“But your family.” She was studying his face, probably reading his mind.
“You’re all I need.” It was the truth, and he felt it all the way down to his bones. “You’re my family now.”
Her lips curled into another smile—one that took his breath away.
“I love you,” he whispered, the words tumbling out unbidden.
Her eyes widened, and her smile faltered.
Shoot. Why had he spoken so openly so soon? He’d planned to wait and let her feelings develop. Instead, he was not only spooking her; he was also rushing her.
He pushed up from the mattress, breaking their connection. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”
She flopped back on her pillow, her eyes still round, her smile gone.
He swung his legs off the bed and swiped up his shirt from the floor. He wanted to palm his forehead and tell her to forget he said the words. But now that they were out, he knew he couldn’t retract them or make them go away.
The only thing he could hope for was that in time, she might feel the same way. Until then, he had to do his best to restrain himself and be patient. Yes, he had to be patient. It was hard because his feelings for her were intense and at the forefront of his mind.
What he felt for Lottie was consuming. He just had to make sure he didn’t let his feelings consume him.