Chapter 20
Jameson had said he loved her.
Lottie rode behind him as they made their way back to the ranch after the long day of herding cattle. The late-afternoon sunshine beat down upon her hat, making her perspire and the loose strands of her hair stick to her neck.
Their horses kicked up dust from the dry ground, reminding her of how much they needed rain.
Jameson glanced at her over his shoulder, his brown eyes brooding, his expression serious.
He loved her.
He hadn’t said so again, had actually been somewhat distant all day—less talkative and more reserved, the way he’d been when he’d arrived on the ranch all those weeks ago. Was he upset she hadn’t responded with her own profession of love? Had he hoped she would say the words in return?
He shifted his gaze forward as they crested the ridge.
She blew out a breath.
He loved her.
Those words had been pumping through her blood with increasing fervor with every passing hour. As much as she wanted to pretend he hadn’t made the declaration, he’d spoken too sincerely, too sweetly, and too earnestly to push the words aside.
Dray had told her he loved her, but his words, uttered in the throes of passion, couldn’t compare to Jameson’s, which had been given to her when he had wanted nothing in return.
Was she struggling because Jameson’s love was so selfless and pure? Was she afraid she’d never be able to love him like that in return?
She wanted to. But was she too broken to know how?
At the very least, she needed to let him know that she appreciated his words and wanted to try to love him back.
“Jameson.” With the house and ranch yard in sight, she reined in her horse. She needed to say something to him before they returned, and the boys demanded their attention. “Can we talk?”
Jameson halted, but his gaze was narrowed on the house. “Someone’s with the boys.”
Her gaze darted to the boys sitting in the grass beside the doghouse with Rascal, and her heart stopped. There, kneeling beside the boys, was a man she’d never thought she’d see again.
Dray.
She blinked hard. It couldn’t be him. He was dead.
With her heartbeat resuming at double the pace, she took in the man’s familiar form—his burly body, stocky shoulders, dark hair, and solid profile. Dray Wilkes had been a good-looking man in every way, and that hadn’t changed.
As though sensing her presence, the man shifted his attention from the boys and dog to her. He stood, tipped up the brim of his hat, and gave her a full view of his face, as though needing to prove that it really was him, that he was alive and well.
She tightened her grip on her reins and swallowed the strange protest that suddenly lodged in her throat.
“It can’t be.” But it was.
“Who is he?” Jameson’s voice was hard, and his hand was on his revolver.
How was Dray still alive? Why wasn’t he dead? Where had he come from? And why was he showing up now?
The questions raced through her, and for a long moment, she could only stare at the man as if he were a ghost and not a real person. But with the boys now standing beside him and peering up at him, she knew he wasn’t an apparition or trick of her mind. He was there in the flesh.
Dray—her husband—was home.
She shook her head. “No.” Frustration rose quickly into her throat, cutting off air and nearly suffocating her.
Bo waved at her. “Me have two fathers now,” he called with a smile.
“Two fathers?” Jameson’s brows rose.
Kace had picked up Rascal and didn’t look quite as eager as Bo that Dray was back, maybe because he had more memories of his father—memories that included Dray neglecting them.
“What’s going on, Lottie?” Jameson was glancing from Dray to Bo with his dark hair and probably putting the facts together.
“It’s Dray,” she whispered through a tight throat.
“Your ex-husband? I thought he was dead.”
“I thought so too.” She kicked her horse into motion and crossed the distance. She halted a few feet from Dray and could hear Jameson rein in behind her.
“Hey, darlin’,” Dray called, a smile lighting up his face and oozing with charm. “You look mighty fine.”
She didn’t smile back. “What are you doing here, Dray? We got word that you died after getting thrown from a horse.”
“I thought I was dying and had my friend write to you on my behalf.” He held his arms out wide. “But I recovered.”
“Your friend told us you were dead. Not just dying.”
Dray shrugged. “Well, I’m alive, and that’s all that matters.”
“You didn’t think to write and tell me you survived?”
“Figured I’d show up and tell you in person.”
“Six months later?” That was ridiculous.
Dray just smiled as if he knew it was ridiculous too but didn’t care. He glanced at Jameson. “Heard the rumors you got yourself another husband.”
“Because I thought you were dead.”
“Boys said you got married last night, but everyone else I talked to said you’ve been married a while.”
It was none of his business when she’d gotten married. Except that technically, it was . . . because he was still her husband and they were still married. What did that mean for her marriage to Jameson? That it was void and didn’t count?
A swift and sharp pain cut into her chest. She didn’t want to lose Jameson. He was the best thing that had ever happened to her, the best person she’d ever met, the best man she’d ever known. She wanted to be married to him and wanted a life with him.
Because she loved him.
That thought rose above all the others.
She loved Jameson.
Her heart pinched with the swelling of love inside. She hadn’t wanted to admit that she loved him earlier. But now, faced with the possibility of losing him, she knew without a doubt that she was hopelessly and helplessly in love with him.
She didn’t want Dray or any other man. The only one she wanted was Jameson.
She glanced at Jameson, hoping he would see the truth in her expression, but he was studying Dray through narrowed eyes.
What was Jameson thinking? That this was a complicated mess and not what he’d bargained for when he’d proposed marriage?
Surely he knew she hadn’t planned any of this and that she didn’t want Dray back.
Even as that thought pulsed through her, guilt followed on its heels. Dray was her husband. She’d married him first. He was the father of her children.
Of course, she could never wish death on anyone, not even her estranged husband. But this was one time when she wished she could wake up and find that this was just a dream, that she was married to Jameson and not living in a nightmare of still being married to Dray.