Chapter 7
— chapter seven
It was strange waking up alone in an empty house. Just before she took Katie to Hannah’s the day before, her mother-in-law had stopped by. Mary had offered to pick up Katie at Hannah’s and then bring her to their house for the night.
Though Jenna hadn’t been all that happy about not having Katie at home, her daughter had liked the idea. With Laura Beth’s advice still ringing in her ears, Jenna had agreed to the plan. Katie needed to be surrounded by friends and family too.
Mary had been so pleased, she’d even packed a tote bag with Katie’s nightgown, toothbrush, and favorite stuffed animals so everything would be at their house waiting for her.
“We’ll bring Katie back to your haus about midday,” Mary had said just before she walked out the back door. “Enjoy your evening, dear.”
Jenna had thanked her, both for the wishes and for taking care of Katie. But she hadn’t been all that excited about leaving Katie with her grandparents.
From time to time, Jenna felt as if she was in a little battle of wills with her in-laws. Sometimes Mary acted a bit as if Katie would be better off with her and Peter than with Jenna.
Jenna was sure this suspicion was all in her mind, but there was still a small part of her that was distrustful of Mary and Peter’s continual efforts to get Katie to spend more time with them.
After taking a long, hot shower and enjoying a full hour of silence while she read her devotional and sipped her coffee, Jenna played with Blue—Katie’s most recent name for the kitten—and then gave her wooden floors a good sweeping and mopping.
When she heard the clip-clop of hooves outside, she hurried to the door, fully expecting to see Mary and Katie.
Instead, it was her mamm.
“This is a surprise,” she said after they hugged hello. “I didn’t know you were going to be in Alliance today.”
Her parents lived in Walden, which was one town over. They were still in the house she’d grown up in, though they now had a boarder of sorts, a young man doing an apprenticeship with a blacksmith.
To everyone’s surprise, her parents loved having the young man there. Jonny was a strapping man in his early twenties who enjoyed helping Jenna’s daed in the yard whenever he had time off. He also loved her mother’s cooking and was appreciative of her doing his laundry.
He kept her parents just busy enough that they always had something to do. And, of course, now that their children were grown, they had a little bit of money to spend on extras.
“Whose buggy is that?”
“Preacher Eddie’s. Eddie needed some help moving around some furniture in his haus, so we got a driver to take us over there.
When it became apparent our ‘quick’ visit was going to take a few hours, Eddie offered me the buggy so I could come see you and Katie.
” Running a hand along Eddie’s gelding, her mother added, “It turns out Eddie’s haus and yours are close.
Eddie told me about a small trail that practically cuts a direct line from his haus to yours.
It was only a twenty-minute buggy ride.”
Jenna knew Eddie well. He’d been four years ahead of her in school, but she’d always thought he was nice, though a little bit wild.
She still had a hard time envisioning the boy who’d loved to joke and push his parents’ boundaries as a married man and a preacher too.
After they unhitched Eddie’s horse, tied him to a post, and gave him a bucket of fresh water, Jenna brought her mother inside for a glass of lemonade and a rest. “I had no idea Eddie and Winnie were so close to me. It was nice of Eddie to let you borrow his buggy.”
“It surely was.” Looking around, Mamm frowned. “Where is Katie? And who’s this?”
Picking up Blue, Jenna cuddled her close before handing her to her mother. “This is Blue, our new kitten.”
Her mamm accepted the kitten with a bright smile. Lifting him up to her face, she kissed Blue’s cute nose. “He’s a beauty. And so adorable.”
“Jah. I think so too.”
“And Katie?”
“She spent the night with Mary and Peter.” Glancing at the clock on the living room wall, Jenna added, “Mary said she’d have Katie home around midday.”
“I didn’t know Katie was old enough to have sleepovers yet.” Her mother sounded shocked.
“I guess she is. I hadn’t planned on it, though. I was invited to go to a meeting with some other women last night, and when Mary heard about it, she asked if Katie could go to their house after she played with some friends.”
“What a big night little Katie had!”
“I agree.” Jenna smiled. “I’m sure she had a lot of fun.”
“What about you?” Mamm asked softly. “Were you happy to have an evening alone?”
“I didn’t hate the idea . . . but it feels odd to be here alone. When I heard the horse outside, I thought it was Peter or Mary dropping her off.”
Looking down at the kitten she was still holding, her mother said, “Did they give Katie Blue?”
“Nee. Nelson did.”
“Nelson, Jimmy’s boss?”
“Jah.”
Looking a little taken aback, her mother deposited Blue on the floor, then reached for her glass of lemonade and took a sip. “How did that happen?”
Jenna’s mom had her same brown eyes and hair. In a great many ways they were alike, which was probably why her mother was visibly attempting to keep her thoughts to herself.
But even though her mamm was attempting to appear curious instead of shocked, Jenna was aware she’d been keeping her friendship with Nelson a secret from her parents. “Well, Nelson has stopped by here on Monday nights.”
“He does this often?”
He came like clockwork. She nodded. “He does. He and I have become friends.”
“I don’t understand. Why is he coming over?”
“Why?”
“Jah.” She took a deep breath. “I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.”
That was her mother. She’d started treating Jenna a little differently after she’d married Jimmy. She’d become a little bit more hesitant to speak her mind, more inclined to listen to Jenna’s point of view.
Jenna had always appreciated that.
Just as she was appreciating her mother’s quiet questioning now. The only problem was that she didn’t know how to explain her complicated feelings for Nelson.
Or the way she’d pushed him away after he gave Katie the kitten.
“When he first started stopping by, I thought it was because he thought he bore some responsibility for Jimmy’s death.”
Mamm’s brow wrinkled. “Nelson shouldn’t have. Everyone said it was an accident. There was nothing Nelson—or anyone working nearby—could have done.”
“I agree, and I’ve told Nelson that I don’t hold him responsible for Jimmy’s death at all.
But even after he accepted my words, Nelson continued to stop by.
” Forcing herself to continue, she said, “I probably encouraged his visits too. He is a nice man, and he never asked a lot of questions. He . . . well, he calmed me. Sometimes his visits were what got me through the week.”
“Jenna, Daed and I asked you to move home several times.”
“I know you did. And I appreciated that. But I didn’t want to leave my haus, Mamm.” She took a breath. “He never stayed long. An hour at the very most.”
“Oh?”
“Usually, he just dropped something by, checked to make sure that Katie and I didn’t need anything done around the yard, and then headed home. It wasn’t a big deal.”
“I’m sorry, but it sounds a bit different than that. Even taking the time to stop by and check on you is a big deal. In the best way possible, of course.”
“Ah, yes.”
“I’m so surprised, though. I had no idea that you were seeing so much of Nelson. I can’t believe he’s been visiting you weekly for . . . for almost a year?”
It was more like almost a year and a half. But admitting that was more than she was willing to do.
Plus, her mother’s usually vague way of responding to her questions had gone out the window. She was currently staring at Jenna.
It was like her mother was accusing her of keeping a big secret from her.
But . . . maybe she was?
Jenna felt her cheeks heat. “I don’t know why I didn’t tell you about it.
” Though, she kind of did know why—she hadn’t wanted anyone to tell her that she shouldn’t accept Nelson’s friendship.
There had been more than one occasion when only his visit had lightened her mood. She hadn’t wanted to give him up.
Not until she started to wonder if her feelings for him had veered away from gratitude and headed into far different territory.
“I think that was very kind of him. Plus, I got the feeling when I spoke to him at Jimmy’s funeral that he doesn’t have a lot of family to fuss over.”
“I don’t know.” Guilt flowed through her. She’d taken and taken from Nelson. His gifts, his attention, his kindness. She’d never even asked him about his family.
“Perhaps. What does Katie think of him?”
“She loves when he comes over. Sometimes he reads her a book or plays a game with her.”
“Hmm. Maybe there’s something else that might be going on, Jenna.”
“Like . . . ?”
She smiled and inclined her head. “Like . . . you know.”
“Mamm, I really don’t know.” That wasn’t exactly true, though. She had almost felt something new toward Nelson. Almost. But it wasn’t right. She wasn’t supposed to have romantic feelings for another man ever again, was she? At least not so soon.
“I never thought you were the type to pretend ignorance, child. But if you want me to say it, I will. I have a feeling that Nelson has developed feelings for you.”
“I hope not.”
Mamm studied her face. “I hope you are telling me the truth, Jenna. Because even though he is a good man and it’s obvious that he cares for you and Katie, nothing can become of your relationship.”
“I know. He’s just a friend.” Looking away, she added, “It doesn’t matter now, anyway. I’ve asked him not to stop by anymore. Even though he gets along so well with Katie.”
“I reckon Katie is missing a male figure in her life. A dawdi just isn’t the same.”
“No.”
“I’m glad you’ve stopped his visits. I’m sure a future with Nelson is tempting. He would be a good provider. You wouldn’t have to worry about bills or getting something for Katie that she really needed.”
“I would never marry someone for financial reasons.” Plus, Nelson was more than his bank account. He was a lot more.
“Perhaps not, but some women would take that into account. Having food to eat and a safe place to sleep is important. You could do much worse than relying on a man like Nelson to make sure everything you need is taken care of.”
Jenna was taken off guard. What in the world was her mother saying? She’d gone from being confused about Nelson’s friendship to promoting him as a possible suitor. “Mother, you’re making me so confused. I thought you loved Jimmy.”
“Of course I did. Jimmy was a gut husband to you, and he was a gut father to Katie. He made you happy.” She lowered her voice.
“But he’s not here, dear, and you are still so young.
All I’m saying is that I don’t necessarily hate the idea of a man like Nelson Harper wanting to look after you and Katie.
He always seemed like a steady sort . . . but he is not Amish.”
“I know he isn’t.”
Folding her hands in her lap, she said, “I can’t help but wonder if there’s a reason that God has been encouraging Nelson to visit so much. Maybe He’s wanted Nelson to be your good friend . . . until you found a man more suitable to call on you.”
Jenna wasn’t sure that the Lord was all that worried about her friendship with Nelson or her single state. All she did know for certain was that He wouldn’t be okay with her breaking her baptismal vows.
Which sometimes made her a little sad.
“We’re just friends, Mamm,” Jenna said again, though she wasn’t sure if she was attempting to convince her mother or herself.
After taking another sip of lemonade, her mother nodded. “I understand.” She took a deep breath. “Now tell me who you saw last night. What was this meeting you went to?”
“It was a group of widows.”
“All widows?”
She couldn’t help but smile. “Jah. Every one of them.”
Her mother’s eyebrows rose. “That’s . . . interesting.”
“Jah. I guess it’s a secret group that’s not so secret. They call themselves the Amish Widows Club. They meet fairly often, sometimes once a month. Sometimes twice. Women attend when they can.”
“It’s all Amish widows?”
Remembering Nina, Jenna said, “Almost. I guess maybe ninety percent of them are Amish? I’m still not quite sure about that.” Remembering the snack mix and Elizabeth checking her in, she added, “It’s all very organized.”
Her mother still looked puzzled. “And what happens when you get there? Do you have grief counseling?”
The truth was so far from that, she almost smiled. “Oh, nee. Nothing like that. Instead, everyone just visits and talks.”
“About what? Your husbands?”
“Oh, nee. We just chat about simple things. At least, that’s how it was last night.”
“That’s it?” Her mother couldn’t seem to understand Jenna’s need to be around other women who’d lost their husbands.
It made Jenna realize that she really was part of a club that was exclusive.
No matter how much a woman might think she understood what it was like to be widowed, it wasn’t really possible until it happened to her.
“It’s enough. Believe it or not, I talked about the pros and cons of blueberry pie with one lady. ”
“I never was a fan of blueberry pie,” her mother admitted with a wrinkled nose. “Plus, it stains my teeth. I hate that.”
Jenna couldn’t help it, she started laughing. “See, Mamm? The talk was like that. Talking about blueberry pie is like talking about nothing . . . but yet . . .”
“But yet it’s the kind of conversation that everyone needs every once in a while. It makes you feel happy inside,” Mamm finished.
Glad that her mamm was finally understanding, she nodded. “Jah. That. I’m still not sure why I was invited or why the Lord decided to encourage me to attend, but I’m glad I did. Simple conversation with other women who have gone through what I’m going through has been really helpful.”
Her mother stared at her for a few seconds. Seemed to study her face, looking for something hidden.
Or maybe it was a spark of happiness that had been absent for far too long?
“I think I better start coming over here a lot more often, darling,” she said at last. “You’ve had a lot going on.”
Everything inside of her melted. Even after all this time—and even after being a mother herself, Jenna still wanted that reassurance.
Wanted her mother’s approval. It looked like she had it once again.
“I don’t know if I’ve had a whole lot going on, but I’m always happy to see you, Mamm.
I’d like it if we visited each other more often. ”
“I feel the same way, child.” Reaching out, her mother took her hand. “Let’s plan on it.”