Chapter 8
— chapter eight
Nelson had managed to stay away from Jenna for two entire weeks. It had been hard to do, though. When Monday afternoon faded into evening and he was still at home, staring at his empty backyard, his skin felt as if it were on fire.
It was like every part of him was fighting against his decision. Not only did he crave time with her and Katie, but he liked taking care of her. He knew how much money Jimmy had made a week—and that he hadn’t been much of a saver.
Maybe her family and Jimmy’s were looking out for her now.
He hoped so. But even if they were, it was obvious to him that she was living on a very tight budget.
That would be a challenge with a growing daughter, and he thought Jenna was the type of woman to put Katie’s needs before her own.
He hated to think of Jenna going without something she needed.
So, yes . . . he felt protective of her. He enjoyed making sure she was taken care of. Maybe he felt a tiny bit obligated too.
And guilty.
Jenna didn’t know it, but Nelson had been the one who’d passed over Jimmy for a raise. It was a few months before his death, and Jimmy’s supervisor had brought up his name more than once as someone who was becoming increasingly careless.
When Jimmy had knocked on his office door the day after he learned that he hadn’t received his raise, he was very angry.
“I can’t believe you listened to Paul’s gossip,” he’d said, all attitude and bluster.
Jimmy’s words rubbed Nelson the wrong way. He was the president of the entire company. Not only was Jimmy complaining, but he’d gone over Paul’s head too.
Nelson didn’t like Jimmy’s blatant insubordination. He liked Jimmy’s attitude even less.
“It wasn’t gossip,” Nelson replied, irritation seeping into each word.
“Paul is your direct supervisor. He’s done a good job for years.
” Pulling out a file folder, he showed Jimmy the three reports Paul had completed about Jimmy’s performance.
“I know you’ve seen these.” Leveling his gaze at Jimmy, he added, “Curtis’s initials are here as well. ”
“Curtis didn’t talk to me. All he did was listen to Paul’s report.”
“That is Curtis’s job. He’s in charge of the entire shop where you work.”
When Jimmy folded his arms over his chest, Nelson felt like rolling his eyes.
Jimmy was acting as if no one was giving him a chance to succeed, when everyone in that building had been giving him multiple opportunities.
Jimmy had ignored them, and he was under the mistaken impression that Nelson would override Paul and Curtis’s decisions.
“Jimmy, you and I both know everything I’m telling you isn’t a surprise. Your signature is at the bottom of these reports.”
“I had no choice but to sign them.”
“Did you not agree?”
“Of course I didn’t agree.” He picked up the sheets and shook them. “This was only Paul’s opinion. He doesn’t like me, Nelson. He never has. And because of that, I’m not getting either the recognition or the pay that I deserve.”
Jimmy was so angry, his cheeks were flushed and his hands were shaking.
Nelson was taken aback. He’d never been all that fond of the formal evaluations and the paperwork they entailed, but he believed in them.
His father and grandfather had told him that doing such things helped both their workers and the supervisors from being caught off guard.
Nelson had always agreed, though he’d usually only agreed because they had such a solid, high-performing staff. And Jimmy could have been that way as well. It was just that he seemed to let his temper get the best of him from time to time, which had affected his productivity.
He remembered scanning the reports again. “Jimmy, I’m looking, but I don’t see any notes about you wanting to dispute these evaluations.”
Jimmy folded his arms across his chest again. “Of course I wasn’t going to dispute them. I need this job. If I complained too much, I’d get fired, and then what would I tell Jenna?”
Nelson didn’t appreciate Jimmy making it sound like the company was run that way, but he didn’t think there was any reason to dwell on that at the moment.
“Ah, yes. You are married and have a little girl, don’t you?”
Jimmy nodded.
For the first time, Nelson saw something else in his expression.
Was it worry? Stress? Whatever it was, it made Nelson take a deep breath and find some patience for the young man.
He obviously had a family to support and didn’t want to let them down.
“Listen, I’m sorry that you were caught off guard about the pay raise, but this doesn’t mean you’re in danger of getting fired. ”
“It means I’m going to have to tell Jenna to make do on my meager salary until I’m able to somehow convince Paul to stop misconstruing everything I do.” He shifted. “Or you allow me to switch departments.”
“Which department are you hoping to move to?” Paul’s group prepared lumber basics and simple ready-made pieces for people’s homes.
Other divisions were made up of master craftsmen, which Jimmy wasn’t qualified for, and shipping and deliveries, which involved a lot of odd hours and lots of manual labor and attention to details.
Even if Jimmy did want to count, recount, check, and double-check items, Nelson couldn’t see how coming in on Saturday mornings or staying late on a Thursday because a delivery truck was late would be an improvement to his life.
Nelson had never been married, but he would imagine Jimmy wouldn’t want to be away from his wife and daughter more often.
“I don’t know.”
“I see. Well, if you’d like to discuss this further, let me know.”
“That’s it?”
“I’m afraid so, Jimmy. My hands are tied.”
Jimmy’s light-blue eyes looked almost empty. “Jah. I feel the same way,” he uttered as he walked out.
And then, of course, two weeks later, he got mad, yelled at Paul, and fed wood into the planer incorrectly without a partner. When it jammed, he ignored everyone’s advice and tried to fix it himself.
The “accident” that had taken place hadn’t actually been a true accident. It had been user error compounded by Jimmy’s mistakes and Paul’s inability to take control of the situation.
Paul was so upset by what happened, he wanted to quit a month after Jimmy’s death. Curtis got involved, refusing to let Paul take complete responsibility for Jimmy’s mistakes.
Nelson ended up bringing all thirty men in the department to a meeting off-site and even hired an outside consultant to help guide the conversation.
He learned that all the men felt partly responsible for Jimmy’s accident because they hadn’t wanted to cause any trouble.
The day had been eye-opening for everyone. When more than one man said he didn’t want Jenna and Katie to have more to deal with than they already had, Nelson suggested that they would accept the truth as a company but wouldn’t discuss it openly.
No good could come of laying that burden on Jimmy’s parents or on a widow and her daughter.
But there was a collective agreement that Jimmy had been at fault, and his coworkers, his managers, and Nelson weren’t to blame. Along with that decision was the belief that Jimmy’s wife never needed to know the complete, unvarnished truth.
It had sounded like a good idea too. After all, Jimmy had died. He’d already paid the ultimate price.
But now Nelson was beginning to wonder if knowingly keeping a secret like that had been a bad idea from the start.
He hadn’t counted on having real feelings for Jenna.
He hadn’t counted on his wish of one day having a relationship with Jenna.
A marriage and vows. But was it ever possible to begin a strong and steady marriage when the basis of it was a lie?
He didn’t think so.
All of that was rattling around in his head as he drove up Jenna’s driveway.
When he reached the crest, he couldn’t help but tap his brakes for a moment.
Because there, right in front of him, were Katie and Jenna next to their vegetable garden.
Katie was wearing a pale-purple dress and no shoes.
Jenna was wearing a bright-yellow dress, slip-on white tennis shoes, and a light tan.
Both of their kapps looked crisp and white, and the tails were fluttering in the breeze.
It was the prettiest sight he’d seen in two weeks.
And, if he wasn’t mistaken, little Katie was squealing at something on the ground. Not in fright but doing what he supposed all little girls instinctively knew to do from the youngest of ages.
He couldn’t wait to learn what she was squealing at.
As he drove forward, Nelson braced himself for Jenna’s reaction. Maybe she’d be mad at him for going against her wishes. Maybe she’d be hurt that he hadn’t listened to her.
Maybe she’d pretend everything was fine. He had no idea.
All Nelson did know was that he couldn’t take another week of not seeing this woman and her little girl.
There were moments when he felt that Jenna and Katie were as necessary to his life as bread and milk. He could do without them, but life wouldn’t be near as good or sweet.