Chapter 20
— chapter twenty
Nelson was starting to wonder how a day that had started so well ended so badly.
After the party, he’d messed up a phone call. When he was so irritated with himself he snapped at Fanny, he knew it was time to take a break.
He’d gone to downtown Alliance, gotten a Coke, and looked in the store windows. When he noticed that one of them was Fanny’s favorite place to shop, he went inside and bought her a card and a gift certificate. Hopefully the gesture would ease his cousin’s hurt feelings.
It was the specialty store’s fault that it had to be right next to a pet store.
And that they had a cute tiny kitten practically posing in the window on its fancy cat tree.
The sight—and the fact that he was in no hurry to return to the mill—had been enough to lure him inside to see what cat trees were all about.
Kurt, the pet shop clerk, had a lot to say about cat trees. So much, Nelson had given in to impulse and bought one for Jenna. And Katie and Blue, of course.
But really for Jenna, because he was learning that few things made him happier than seeing Jenna Graber smile. Instead of returning to the office and handing Fanny her card and gift, he’d driven directly to Jenna’s farm. All the while, he’d been daydreaming about her reaction.
Yes, to his shame, the fantasy reaction had included a beaming smile, profuse thanks, and a really good hug. He was so full of good intentions and obliviousness that the moment he’d seen her, he’d gotten all goofy.
Then, of course, he’d completely messed it up. Jenna was caught off guard, the thing had taken up a good slice of her compact living room, and then she’d somehow been almost on the verge of tears when he tried to carry it out.
And, well . . . as far as he was concerned, Jenna Graber had already cried too many tears in her short life. He hated to see her upset, and he really hated that he was the reason she was upset in the first place.
So he hugged her.
And it wasn’t one-sided. She hugged him back. When she rested her head on his chest and seemed to relax when he pressed his palm on her back, he went and did the unthinkable—he gave in to impulse and kissed her.
Oh, sure. He kissed her brow. But that was enough, wasn’t it? Wasn’t there something written somewhere that said a hug between friends didn’t involve lips?
If there wasn’t, there should be.
But just as he was regretting that . . . she relaxed against him. And he did too. And he began to think of all sorts of reasons why hugging should now be part of his visits. Because holding her made him feel good. She felt perfect in his arms.
And, of course, imagining future hugs might very well include a whole different sort of kiss.
Not that he should ever imagine that would be possible. She was Amish. She’d professed her faith when she was baptized. He knew enough about that to realize that she could never turn her back on those vows easily.
But what if her heart was involved? What if one day she would be willing to risk everything in order to let him love her?
He had no idea if she’d ever be willing to do that. He could only hope . . . and settle for hugging his “friend” in the meantime.
She fit him perfectly. So much so, he didn’t want to let her go.
It was just too bad that he didn’t.
“What is going on in here?” Mary Graber said as she stood in the doorway.
Jenna jumped away from him like her skin was on fire. “Nothing,” she mumbled.
“It doesn’t look like that. It looks like you were carousing with a man who isn’t your husband.”
Nelson was so irritated by her tone—and her words—he raised an eyebrow. It was either that or attempt to push Jenna’s mother-in-law right back out the door. “Carousing?” he asked.
“You know what I meant.”
“No, I know what you insinuated, and it was wrong. Jenna was not carousing with anyone. And, for the record, as painful as this is to remind you, Jenna’s husband is no longer living. She’s no longer able to do anything with him.”
“Nelson, stop,” Jenna whispered.
He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to do anything besides wrap her in his arms again and hold her close. He wanted to whisper that she had nothing to be embarrassed about. He wanted to whisper all sorts of things to get her to relax and smile again.
“Nelson,” she said again.
He tried to relax his stance. “Only for you,” he whispered.
Jenna’s cheeks bloomed, but she remained quiet.
Which seemed to give Mary the idea that she could continue throwing out her verbal bombs. Her eyes narrowed as she fastened her attention on him. “I can’t believe that you have the nerve to step foot in this house, Nelson Harper.”
Every word she said seemed to be infused with venom. He didn’t appreciate it. Just as he was about to tell her exactly what he thought about her words, he noticed that Katie was standing in the doorway. She was staring at all three of them with wide eyes.
Shame filled him. How could he have not seen her earlier? Furthermore, how could he defend himself with Katie peeking out from the doorway? “Come on in, Katie,” he said in a gentle tone. “I’m sorry you heard me speak so crossly.”
Just as Katie stepped forward, Mary put out her arm, essentially preventing Katie from entering. As if she thought Nelson would ever hurt that little girl.
Everything inside of him was fuming as he debated how to proceed next. Luckily for everyone involved, Jenna spoke. “Nelson did nothing wrong, Mary, and neither did I,” she said. “Now stop standing in the doorway and let Katie in. You’re letting in flies. Plus, we canna have Blue escaping.”
Jenna’s orders seemed to register because Mary did just that. Katie ducked under her arm and hurried to the cat tree. Mary walked inside and closed the door behind her.
Now all of them were standing in the very small entryway. Crammed in tight against the stupid cat tree. Which, by the way, Blue had climbed on again.
“What’s this?” Katie asked as she ran a hand along one of the carpeted branches.
“It’s a climbing toy for Blue,” Jenna said. “Isn’t it something?”
Katie nodded. “I think Blue likes it.”
“It’s unnecessary,” Mary said. “You have no room for such nonsense, Jenna. Besides, cats should live in the barn.”
“Nee, Mammi!” Katie called out. “Blue lives inside with us.”
“Mind your manners, child,” Mary said.
Nelson was tempted to remind Mary to mind her manners when he saw that Jenna was not shying away from her mother-in-law at all.
“Katie is right, Mary. Blue is an indoor cat. And as far as this cat tree goes, I think differently,” Jenna said.
“Our new kitten is rather rambunctious and likes to explore. Plus, Katie and I were reading in a library book that tiny kittens enjoy sharpening their claws. I’d rather he not ruin the couch. We need it.”
“What you don’t need is a cat. It’s going to ruin your house. Besides, Jimmy wouldn’t have wanted a cat. You should get rid of it.” Looking out at the field, she said, “If you don’t want to make it live in the barn, then go take it to the field. It can live there.”
Nelson was shocked. He couldn’t believe that Mary would suggest such things to Jenna. But for a grandmother to say such things to her little granddaughter? It was both unthinkable and cruel.
“Nee!” Katie cried out before he could intervene. As tears filled her eyes, she grabbed Blue and held him tight in her arms. “No, you can’t do anything to him. He’s mine! He’s my kitten!”
“Mary, what in the world has gotten into you?” Jenna asked as she reached for Katie.
But Katie ran to him. “Nelson, don’t let them do it!” she cried out as she reached for him.
She was crying hard now. Awful, heavy tears.
He knelt on the floor and pulled her into his arms. “Shh, Kitty. It’s okay.” He gently ran a hand down her back as her little arms tightened around his neck. “Shh . . . shh, shh. Your mommy would never let anything happen to Blue.”
Katie started crying harder. “I love him.”
“I know, sweetheart. I know you do. He loves you too,” he whispered as he carefully patted her back.
Raising his eyes to Jenna, he silently asked what she wanted him to do.
He was pretty proud of himself for doing that too, because he was more than ready to kick Mary out of the house and refuse to ever let her see Katie again.
Visibly shaken, Jenna stepped in front of him and her daughter. “Mary, I don’t know what has gotten into you, but I think we both know that you are saying things that don’t make sense. It’s time you left. Come back when you are thinking more clearly.”
“This was my son’s house, Jenna. I have every right to be here whenever I want.”
“We know that isn’t true. This is my house. Jimmy bought it for us. For our family. He loved me, and he loved Katie, just as we loved him. Jimmy would’ve never been all right with you behaving like this. I know it and you know it.”
Mary closed her eyes. From his position on the floor, Nelson was sure that the woman was about to apologize.
But instead, she fisted her hands. “Jenna, every time we converse, I’m taken aback by how much you’ve changed.
My son thought he’d married a dutiful wife.
But now you’re going out, accepting gifts, and behaving improperly with the man who killed your husband.
” Her mouth pinched. “If you aren’t careful, I’m going to speak to the bishop about your negligence and wanton behavior. ”
Katie cried harder. Nelson was pretty sure she didn’t understand Mary’s words but was upset with her tone of voice.
“Hush, honey. Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be all right,” he whispered into her ear, adding a string of nonsense words and phrases.
Anything to try to replace the awful things Katie was hearing her grandmother say.
“Speak to the bishop as much as you want,” Jenna said, her voice as cold as ice.
“Invite him over here for coffee. If he stops by, I’ll be pleased to see him.
” After a pause, she added, “But Mary, make no mistake, I will defend myself and Jimmy’s memory.
I will also always, always put Katie’s needs first.” She lowered her voice.
“Right now, my daughter needs some peace and comforting. You need to go.”
Her mother-in-law remained motionless. It was obvious that she was stunned by what Jenna was saying.
Jenna strode the few steps to the door, threw it open, and pointed outside. “Mary, please leave.”
Mary shook her head slowly. “You are misconstruing everything. It’s you who isn’t thinking clearly.”
“Please leave, or I will have Nelson escort you out.”
“You canna mean that.” Mary’s expression was as incredulous as her tone.
But Jenna didn’t budge. “I think we both know I do. Leave. Now.”
Mary turned toward the door. “You will regret this.”
“I am sure I will regret a great many things one day. But this won’t be one of them,” Jenna bit out before closing the door behind Mary.
The three of them stayed silent as they listened to Mary climb into her buggy and eventually guide it down the driveway.
Katie hiccupped. “Why was Mammi being so mean?”
“I don’t know,” Nelson whispered. “But are you ready to help me move the cat tree over near the window?”
When she nodded, he released his hold on her, got to his feet, and picked up the tree. Blue meowed and hopped onto the couch when Nelson passed by it.
After he set the tree back where it had originally been, Katie smiled. “I like it here. Do you, Nelson?”
“Yep.”
“Mamm? Do you like it too?”
“I do, Katie.”
The little girl laughed as Blue leapt back onto the cat tree, appearing very put out that he was having to climb onto it one more time. In less than a minute, he situated himself in front of the window.
“He likes it!”
“He sure does, sweetheart.” Concerned about Jenna, Nelson turned to her. “Are you okay?”
“Nee,” she said.
“What can I do?”
She seemed to gather herself together. “Nelson, I think I need some time. Thank you for your gift . . . and your help, but I’d like to be alone now.”
Nelson wished Jenna was clinging to him. Not because she was weak but because he wanted her to want him near. To trust him to take care of her. To care for her and Katie.
But they weren’t there yet. They might not ever be.
“I understand.” Bending down to where Katie was standing next to the cat tree, he said, “I’ll see you later, Kitty.”
Her eyes, still so damp from her tears, widened. She didn’t protest, though. She didn’t say a word.
As he walked out the door and climbed into his truck, he felt as if the weight of the entire world was both falling on his shoulders and crumbling around him.
Maybe that was because it was.
In just a few short months, Jenna and Katie had become his whole world. And now, in the span of a few minutes, he was alone again.