Chapter 21
— chapter twenty-one
Jenna feared that it was going to take days to undo the damage that Mary’s awful words had done. Katie loved her grandmother, but she loved her new little kitten too. Plus, she was pretty sure that her sweet daughter was falling in love with Nelson.
Jenna didn’t blame her for that. Nelson was easy to love.
Why, in some of her weakest moments, she was starting to feel as if she was falling in love with Nelson as well. How could she not? He was attentive and kind and had been looking after her and Katie for over a year.
Unfortunately, he was also everything she shouldn’t want or have.
After wrestling with her emotions for most of the night, she was grateful to spend much of her early morning at her desk, writing letters. She needed her pen-pal friends.
Though each held a special place in her life, Jenna decided to ask her friend Beatrice for advice.
Bea was a teacher in England and just about her age.
Bea’s most recent letter had been all about her new boyfriend, Thomas.
Jenna thought that Bea might be the best person to understand what she was going through. She continued writing.
So that is my problem in a nutshell, Bea. I’ve secretly fallen in love with a man who is not only a bit older than me but Jimmy’s former boss . . . and an Englisher! I have no idea what I should do.
As you might remember me telling you years ago, no one in my faith gets baptized as a baby.
We wait until we become adults and have a few years to prayerfully consider living both Amish and English.
These vows are meant to be as devout as one’s marriage vows.
I professed my faith, and I should stay Amish.
But even though my brain is telling me that is how it is, the rest of me feels differently.
After all, I am a gut Amish woman. When I got baptized, I intended to be Amish for the rest of my life. But I also had intended to be married to Jimmy for the rest of my life.
Now Nelson is the only man I think I could exchange marriage vows with. But if I did that, I’d risk being pushed away by my family and friends. That would hurt me, but it would hurt Katie too.
But I can’t marry an Amish man that I don’t love.
Plus, do you really think the Lord would be happy if I did that?
Bea, do you have any advice? I know you love Thomas. What would you do if loving him could hurt your relationship with your parents?
This is one of those times when I wish we were next-door friends instead of pen pals. I could sure use your advice as soon as possible.
Wishing you a good day.
Love,
Jenna
After she walked the letter to the mailbox at the end of her driveway, she felt much better about everything. No, she still didn’t know what to do, but reaching out to one of her dear pen pals reminded her that it was possible to have much in common with someone who had a very different life.
She walked into Katie’s room. Her little girl was curled on her side under her sheets and blankets. She was holding a stuffed animal, and Blue was curled up against her back.
Tears pricked her eyes as she sat down next to her daughter. Sure, everything felt confusing and difficult right now, but that didn’t mean that she and Katie wouldn’t get through it.
“Katie, it’s time to wake up,” she said as she rubbed her back.
“I’m still sleepy, Mamm.”
“I know, but the sun is up and you need to get up too.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to take you to Brenneman’s for breakfast.”
As expected, Katie sat up with a jolt. “Really?”
“Of course, really. I wouldn’t joke about that. What do you say? Would you like to go out to breakfast?”
“Jah.”
Bending down, she pressed her lips to Katie’s brow. “Gut. I’ll lay out your dress. Go brush your teeth and wash your face.”
For once, Katie didn’t have to be told twice. When the bathroom door clicked shut, Jenna straightened Katie’s sheets and placed her daughter’s favorite pink dress on top. If only everything in life were this easy.
When they got to Brenneman’s, they didn’t have to wait long to be seated.
“What would you like to get, Katie?” Jenna asked as they scanned the menu together.
Katie knew only a few words by sight, but Jenna thought it was a good idea to encourage her to at least go through the motions of reading.
Besides, Katie already knew what breakfast foods she liked.
“Can I have waffles?”
“Of course.”
“Can I have strawberries on them?”
“You may.”
Looking mischievous, she chirped, “And whipped cream too?”
Jenna pretended to act shocked. “Whipped cream on waffles? Are you sure about that?”
Eyes bright, Katie bobbed her head up and down. “Jah, Mamm. It’s gut.”
“Then I suppose I’d better say yes to that too.”
Katie clapped her hands together. “Yay.”
“Yay, indeed.” Just as she was returning her attention to her own order, she noticed Fanny Harper sitting by herself at a table next to them. She was smiling at Katie. When Jenna caught her eye, she smiled. “Good morning, Fanny.”
“Hi, Jenna. And good morning to you too, Miss Katie,” Fanny added when Katie turned her head to look at her.
Katie just stared.
“Katie, this is Fanny Harper. She’s Nelson’s cousin, and they work together. Remember when she came by last year and brought you that stuffed bunny?”
Katie slowly nodded. “I remember now.”
“It’s good to see you again,” Fanny said.
“Guess what? Nelson brought Blue a cat tree.”
Fanny’s eyebrows rose. “A what?”
Realizing how it must sound, Jenna translated. “Blue is Katie’s kitten, and a cat tree is a jungle gym of sorts for a cat.”
Looking very important, Katie said, “Kittens need trees on account of them not listening too good.”
“Is that right?” Fanny asked.
“Uh-huh. Sometimes Blue forgets that his nails can hurt the furniture.”
Fanny covered up her mouth, obviously in an effort to hide her laughter.
“Don’t worry about laughing,” Jenna said. “I think it’s all quite humorous too.”
After Fanny went back to looking at her menu and Jenna was looking around for the server, Katie tapped on her arm. “Mamm?”
“Jah, Katie?”
“Is Fanny sitting alone?”
“I don’t know. I think so,” she whispered.
“Maybe she’d like to sit with us?”
“You’d like that?” she asked in Pennsylvania Dutch.
“Jah.”
Jenna nodded her head. “Why don’t you ask her, then?”
Brightening, Katie called out, “Fanny, come sit with us.”
Several people around them chuckled, but Jenna still felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment. “Katie, inside voice.”
Fanny’s gaze was warm as she turned to face them again. “Are you sure that’s okay?”
“Uh-huh. Mei mamm said it was all right. Right, Mamm?”
Jenna nodded. “We would enjoy your company, Fanny.”
“In that case, I’d be happy to accept. Thanks.”
After she joined their table, Fanny chatted with Katie about the kitten, school, and what she ordered for breakfast.
Katie was so engaged, Jenna was able to sit back and just listen. These days, it was a rarity for her not to have Katie’s complete attention.
After their food came, the three bowed their heads and gave thanks. Then they dug in. Katie with her waffle, Fanny with a bowl of fruit, yogurt, and granola, and she with her eggs, bacon, and fried potatoes.
When Katie slowed down, a server brought over a children’s place mat and a small set of crayons, explaining that she’d forgotten to bring it earlier. Katie eagerly opened the box and started coloring, giving Fanny and Jenna a chance to get to know each other better.
“Nelson talks about you often, Fanny.”
“I bet. Does he tell you that his cousin drives him batty?”
“Not at all. He says that you do a wonderful-gut job. And . . . that people often underestimate you because you’re young and chatty.”
Fanny smiled as she lifted her cup to take another sip of coffee. “I suppose that might be true.” She shrugged. “I do my best for Nelson. He’s given me a lot of responsibility, and I don’t want to let him down.”
“I don’t think you’ve come close to doing that. He’s proud of you.”
“Thank you for sharing that.” Fanny smiled. Then, looking at her a little more closely, she added, “May I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“It’s . . . it’s about being a widow.” She nibbled at her bottom lip, obviously worrying about Jenna becoming upset with her.
“You have me intrigued. What would you like to ask me?”
“Do you ever think you’ll marry again?”
“Why are you asking?”
“Oh!” Her eyes widened. “This isn’t about you. It’s about a man I met. His name is Hank, and he’s a widower.”
“Oh!” she said, feeling far less defensive.
“Well, to be honest, I don’t think much about marrying again.
” Of course, her cheeks and neck felt like they were on fire just then because she was telling a fib.
There had been more than one moment when she’d looked at Nelson and thought that marrying him would make her happy. And wished it were possible.
“How long does a person’s grief last, would you say?” Lowering her voice, Fanny added, “I was married when I was just a teenager but got divorced less than a year after. Then, a few years later, he died. So I know a bit about grieving, but my situation doesn’t really compare to his.”
“It still had to be hard, though, yes?”
“Yeah. But this isn’t about me. I . . . really like this guy, but I don’t want to be too pushy.”
“I can understand that.”
“What do you think? If it’s been a few years, do you think Hank is still pining for his wife?”
“I have no idea. I’ve never met him.”
“You’re right. I’m jumping to conclusions, aren’t I?”
“I don’t know if you are or you aren’t,” she said honestly. “But I do think you should ask him. Every person handles love and loss differently, I think.”
“You’re right.” She lowered her voice. “I just wish I knew when the time was right.”
“How about when he takes you out on a date?” Wasn’t that how Englishers did things?
Fanny leaned back. “That’s the problem. We’re not anywhere near that point.”
“You aren’t dating yet?”
“Nope. I only see him occasionally when I need to visit his house. Alliance Millworks is doing work for him, you see.”
“Ah.”
Fanny wrinkled her nose. “Actually, you could probably just say that the only thing that is true is that I have a crush on him. Listen to me. Here I am, worrying about him falling in love when he probably doesn’t ever think about me unless I ask him something about his house.”
Jenna thought Fanny’s confession was adorable. She was tempted to tell her that she knew all about unsuspecting crushes, but there was no way she could tell Fanny that without also sharing that her personal crush was on Nelson.
“It’s been a while since I’ve dated, but I do seem to recall that telling the other person how you’re feeling is never a bad idea.”
“It is in this case. If I tell Hank I like him, he’s going to never want to see me again.”
“He might.”
“And I don’t want anything to jeopardize the family business. This guy is bringing us a lot of work.”
“I see.” She sighed. “Well, in that case I’ll just tell you something that my mother used to tell me when I was Katie’s age.”
“What was that?”
“That never is a very long time.” She winked. “Chances are good that this Hank will one day be ready to start dating again.”
“And if he does, it might as well be me.”
Jenna chuckled. She hadn’t meant for Fanny to take her words that far, but what did it matter? “I hope that is the case.”
“Me too. Until then, I’m going to try to be as happy as little Katie here.”
“Miss Fanny?”
“Yes?”
“If you get married to Hank, can I come to your wedding?”
As Fanny’s eyes widened, Jenna laughed. “Out of the mouths of babes,” she teased. Turning to her daughter, she said, “If Miss Fanny ends up marrying Mr. Hank one day, I’ll see if we can go.”
“I’ll do one better,” Fanny teased, as she regained her composure. “You may be my flower girl if I marry Hank Arias.”
“Yay!” Katie said, though Jenna was almost positive that Katie had no idea what a flower girl was.
Exchanging glances with Fanny, Jenna smiled. “Yay, indeed.”