Chapter 10
TEN
KOR
I thought Vivienne looked tired the next morning. There were dark smudges under her lovely gold-ringed eyes that spoke of a sleepless night. Indeed, I’d heard her thrashing around some time around two in the morning—it had woken me up.
I had debated with myself on whether I ought to go to her or not.
If she had cried out, I probably would have.
But she hadn’t shouted or cried or made any verbal noises at all.
So I decided it was better to stay in my own room.
After all, she’d had years of a man coming into her room to take what she wasn’t willing to give—I didn’t want to frighten her or give her the wrong impression.
So I waited until she was quiet again and finally drifted off to sleep.
Now, as we sat across the kitchen island from each other drinking coffee, I wondered if I should ask her if she was all right. Could she be grieving for my late uncle? From everything she’d said, I doubted it. Carter Jamison sounded like he’d been an abusive bastard. Who would miss that?
I was wearing the clothing I’d had on yesterday—of course.
I’d already ordered more but it wouldn’t be here for another day or so.
Vivienne was wearing a simple blue dress that made her eyes stand out even more than usual.
Her long dark hair was loose around her shoulders.
She was, I thought, even more beautiful than the night before, despite her obvious fatigue.
“So…had any interesting dreams last night?” I said, trying to break the ice.
It must have been the wrong thing to say, though, because Vivienne jumped and went pale.
“Sorry—are you okay?” I asked, immediately worried.
“I…I’m fine.” But her hand trembled as she tried to lift the coffee mug to her hand—trembled so much that hot coffee splashed out over her hand. “Ow!” she gasped and set the mug down quickly.
I was out of my seat before I quite knew what happened.
“Hey, that looks bad. Come on—let’s run some cold water on it.”
I took her by the arm and guided her to the sink, and she came with me, still shaking. I turned on the cold water tap and held her hand under it, waiting for the redness to fade from her pale skin.
“There—how does that feel?” I asked, looking down at her anxiously. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.” She gave me a strained smile. “Just fine—thank you so much, Kor.”
“Are you really? You don’t seem like yourself. Er…not that I know you very well yet, I guess,” I said lamely.
But the truth was, I did feel like I knew her. I could sense that something was bothering her and also, her scent had changed. That warm, feminine fragrance she exuded seemed stronger today—more intense. I didn’t understand it, but it drew me to her and made me want to comfort her.
“I’m okay,” she protested, but she wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Maybe…maybe I’m just now dealing with everything that’s happening. I mean, Carter only died ten days ago and yesterday was the funeral.”
“Of course—how stupid of me.” I wanted to slap myself on the forehead. “That’s a lot of trauma and it’s probably just now hitting you.”
“Maybe.” She was still looking down at her hands—the one that the coffee had burned was under the running water but the other was gripping the edge of the sink so tightly her knuckles were white.
It occurred to me that I was still holding her by the arm, and I was pretty close.
I was a lot bigger than her, and she’d told me in a round about way last night she had a history of sexual abuse.
I had a worried thought—was I scaring her?
Was my physical proximity bringing up bad feelings and past trauma?
Jennie, the woman I had dated and almost married, had been sexually abused as a child.
There were things that seemed innocent that would trigger her—I had to learn to avoid them in order to help her feel safe with me.
I didn’t shout or make sudden moves around her because my deep voice could be frightening and she associated quick movements in her direction as violence.
So was I unknowingly triggering Vivienne now?
“Hey—am I bothering you?” I asked her directly. I had learned, in dealing with Jennie, that it was best to be upfront and not beat around the bush. “I mean, am I frightening you or getting too close?”
I took a step back, letting go of her arm as I spoke.
“What?” Vivienne gave me a genuinely startled look. “No—why would you think that?” she asked.
“Oh, I just…” I didn’t want to say out loud that my uncle had abused her—that was for her to speak about if and when she ever felt ready. “I just…you barely know me, and I don’t want to make you feel unsafe,” I said.
Her eyes—which had looked haunted only moments ago—suddenly softened.
“You’re so sweet, thank you, Kor. I just had a rough night last night, that’s all. I actually feel better when you’re close. If…if that makes any sense.”
She gave me a shy look—just a quick, upward tilt of those gorgeous gold-ringed eyes—and it was enough to fucking melt me.
“Maybe…” I cleared my throat. “This might sound weird, but would you like a hug?”
It might sound like a strange thing to offer but my ex had always felt better when I held her.
“I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” I went on quickly. “I just thought, you know, you lost your husband and no one…”
“I’m not close enough to anyone to hug them—or to ask them to hug me,” she finished for me in a quiet voice. She looked up at me. “Yes, Kor—I would love a hug. Thank you.”
Hoping I was doing the right thing, I took her in my arms and pulled her close to my chest.