Chapter 11
ELEVEN
VIVIENNE
It was the first hug I’d had in years.
Carter had never hugged me—he’d never touched me at all except to mount me for breeding and that one time he’d hit me for disrespecting him in front of the Pack.
And of course, I couldn’t exactly hug any of the servants.
So even though I used to be a very affectionate person when I was younger, I had gotten used to being alone and untouched.
I don’t think I understood how starved I was for physical affection until Kor took me in his arms. As he pulled me close to his chest, it felt like something was breaking inside me—maybe it was the thin shell of ice that had settled over my heart years ago.
I don’t know—I only know that it felt so good to have his arms around me, it almost hurt.
I was stiff at first—it felt somehow wrong—improper—to want what he was offering.
But then I breathed in his warm, masculine scent and felt myself flowing to him, like water running downhill.
I pressed my face to his broad chest and breathed him in and then I really did break inside, because my eyes started to sting and the next thing I knew I was crying.
I tried to stop myself, of course. I wasn’t allowed to cry around Carter.
If I started, he would shout at me to “stop that sniveling!” He especially hated it when I cried while he bred me.
After a while I learned to close my eyes and take myself away from him, so there were no more tears—just a sense of numbness while he grunted on top of me.
But try as I might, I couldn’t turn off the tears this time. I don’t know why—maybe because it felt so strange and wonderful to be hugged again and to feel safe in a man’s arms. Because that’s how Kor made me feel—safe. I only hoped I wasn’t making him mad by crying.
He didn’t act mad, though. In fact, he hugged me tighter and stroked my hair.
“It’s all right, sweetheart,” he murmured in that deep, soothing voice of his. “I’m so sorry for what you went through but it’s all right now—it’s all over.”
That only made me cry harder because it wasn’t all over—until the Alpha Challenge was won, everything, including my future, was up in the air.
I don’t know how long he held me—or how long I cried.
But finally, I began to feel calmer inside.
And after that, I began to feel ashamed.
Why had I let my emotions out like that?
I’d spent years cultivating my calm outer facade—the “Ice Queen” persona I wore for the Pack.
But just one hug from a kind stranger—well, almost a stranger, I really didn’t know Kor that well—and I melted.
I pulled back at last and swiped at my eyes. I was ashamed to see that I had cried a wet patch all over Kor’s white button-down shirt. Thank goodness I hadn’t put on any makeup yet or I would have probably ruined it completely.
“I…I’m so sorry,” I said, sniffing and swiping at my eyes. “I don’t…don’t know what came over me.”
“Grief, probably,” Kor said, and he didn’t sound angry or upset—just concerned. “It’s okay to let yourself feel your feelings, you know,” he told me. “You’ve been through a lot—you should let yourself feel it.”
I sniffed again and looked up at him.
“You sound like some kind of a therapist.”
He laughed—that easy, warm chuckle I was really growing to like.
“Not quite, but I’ve been to a lot of therapy. My dad took me after my mom died and I went with my ex—Jennie—a lot too, when she was working through some stuff.”
“Well…thank you for not getting angry when I cried,” I said, pulling a paper towel off the dispenser to blot my eyes.
Kor frowned.
“Angry? Why would I get angry?”
“I don’t know.” I waved one hand in an aimless gesture. “Carter always got mad. He never wanted me to cry.”
Kor’s dark brows drew together in a frown.
“He sounds like a heartless bastard. What kind of man won’t even let his wife cry?”
I shrugged.
“I don’t know. He was…that was just the way he was.” I lifted my chin. “I don’t miss him, you know—not a bit. I know that might sound shocking—”
“Of course it’s not shocking,” Kor protested. “After the way he treated you? After he bought you and you’ve been living in bondage for the past twenty years? Fuck, Vivienne—you ought to be throwing a goddamned party to celebrate that he’s gone.”
His words surprised me into laughter as I pictured the looks on the Pack’s faces when I announced a party to celebrate my late husband’s death.
“An ‘I’m so glad he’s gone’ party,” I said, giggling.
“A ‘fuck the old bastard’ party,” Kor added, laughing along.
I felt a kind of bubbly joy overtake me and for a moment, all I wanted was to just keep feeling it. It occurred to me that I had experienced more genuine emotion in the last twenty minutes than I’d allowed myself to feel for the past twenty years. And all of it was because of Kor.
“Oh, my…” I sighed at last, blotting my eyes with the paper towel I was still holding. “Well, I guess I’d better get ready to go to town. Would you mind driving again?”
“Sure—anything you need.” He nodded easily. “I’m all ready, so whenever you are too, just let me know. I’ll clear up in here,” he added, nodding to the coffee mugs and saucers.
I thought about protesting that I could take care of that later, but Kor genuinely didn’t seem to mind helping with chores—a fact I greatly appreciated.
“All right,” I said, nodding. “Just give me a few minutes—I won’t be long.”
“Take your time,” he told me, already clearing our mugs. “No need to rush—we have all the time in the world.”
If only that was true.