Chapter 56
FIFTY-SIX
VIVIENNE
The first thing I became aware of was warmth…warmth and safety. Strong arms around me and a steady heartbeat beneath my cheek.
For one wonderful, impossible moment, I thought I was dreaming but then a familiar scent reached me. Warm masculine spice and freshly done laundry. It was his scent—I would know it anywhere.
My eyes flew open, and I saw I was lying on a couch in what looked like the back room of a small shop. Sunlight streamed through a nearby window, and I was wrapped in a blanket. More importantly, I was cradled securely against a broad chest that I would have recognized anywhere.
Kor.
I looked up at him dizzily, trying again to make sure it was him.
“Kor?” I asked, my voice coming out in a whisper.
His arms tightened around me instantly.
"Easy," he murmured. "Easy, sweetheart. I've got you."
The sound of his voice shattered the last of my disbelief and a sob rose in my throat, which I swallowed down with difficulty. I grabbed the front of his shirt with both hands, desperate to feel him.
"You're alive." My words came out in a trembling voice. “You’re really alive!”
His eyes closed and for a moment he looked as though those three simple words had physically wounded him.
"Yeah," he said roughly. "I'm alive, baby. Barely but I’m here."
I shook my head, unable to believe it.
“I…I thought you were one of the bodies they found after The Blackridge massacre."
“Is that what they’re calling it?”
“Yes—I heard on the news that half the population was dead. I wanted to go see if you were one of them, but I didn’t dare go back. I was sure if they caught me there again, they’d never let me leave.”
“You did the right thing,” Kor said roughly. “That town was poison. I just wish I’d recognized it sooner. We should have left right away, instead of hanging around, thinking about winning that fucking Alpha Challenge.”
I looked up at him then—really looked. He was thinner than before. There were shadows beneath his eyes and new lines around his mouth that hadn't been there three months ago. He looked exhausted…burned out…devastated.
Suddenly, I understood. We’d lost each other but I, at least, had the baby to live for. Kor had had nothing. All these long, lonely months he’d been living with no hope—no reason to go on.
"Oh, Kor," I whispered, and my heart was breaking for him.
His throat worked.
"Sweetheart, I’m so sorry for everything…everything that happened."
That was all it took. I threw my arms around him, buried my face in the side of his neck, and sobbed. All the grief and loneliness and heartbreak I'd been carrying came pouring out at once and I clung to him as though I would never let go again.
"I thought you were dead," I sobbed. "I thought you were dead."
His arms tightened around me.
"I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely. "God, Vivienne, I'm so sorry."
I pulled back just enough to look at him.
"What happened?" I demanded through my tears. "Where have you been? Why didn't you come find me?"
The pain that crossed his face was so raw it stole the anger right out of me.
"Because I thought you hated me,” he said hoarsely.
I stared at him.
"What?"
His eyes dropped, as though he couldn’t bear to meet my gaze.
"I thought you'd never want to see me again after what happened—after what my Beast did to you,’ he said softly. “That’s why I didn’t go out looking for you.
Though the Goddess knows I wanted to. I’ve been thinking of you every day—dreaming about you every damn night.
Missing you so much I’m going fucking crazy. ”
For a moment I could only look at him. Three months of grief and loneliness and sorry and pain—three months apart all because this stubborn, wonderful man had convinced himself I hated him.
My hands came up to cup his face.
"Oh, Kor,” I whispered but then the tears started again.
“Baby,” he rumbled, stroking my hair. “God, you don’t know how sorry I am. I swore I’d protect you from that side of myself. And then instead of protecting you, I let him—”
“Stop.” I swiped at my eyes and put a finger to his lips. “Don’t say it,” I told him, glaring through my tears.
“Don’t say what?” He frowned.
“You were about to compare what your Beast did to what Carter used to do to me,” I said. “Weren’t you?”
He frowned and I saw a flash of self-hatred on his face.
“How is it different?” he demanded.
“Because I wasn’t in Heat when Carter took me—never, not really,” I said. “Your Beast was scary, but he gave me what my body needed. And he didn’t hurt me like Carter did, either.”
“Didn’t hurt you?” He shook his head disbelievingly. “Vivienne, he’s huge—and you’re so small!”
“He took his time—he got me ready,” I told him. “He, er, came in me first to help me stretch.” I could feel myself blushing as I said it, but I wanted to be sure he understood that I didn’t blame his Beast for anything that had happened between us that night.
Kor got a stubborn look on his face.
“But he still forced you.”
“Was it one hundred percent voluntary on my part? No,” I told him.
“But again, it was what my body needed. If I hadn’t been at the peak of my Heat Cycle, I might have felt differently.
But I was burning up with need, Kor—you never got to knot me the night before, remember?
If the Beast hadn’t’ done what he did, I might have gone into Heat Fever and died. ”
He frowned at me uncertainly.
“So…you really don’t hate me?”
“No, of course not, silly!” I dragged his head down and kissed him hard on the mouth.
He froze for a moment, then he kissed me back—urgently, almost desperately as though he couldn’t believe he was really holding me.
“I’ve been hating myself and hating my Beast and missing you so damn much I can’t see straight, baby,” he said at last, when we came up for air. “God, please tell me we never have to be apart again.”
“Well…that depends,” I said playfully.
“Depends on what?” he demanded hoarsely. “Any kind of conditions you have, just tell me. I’ll do anything to be with you, sweetheart—anything at all.”
“Will you help me raise a baby?” I asked, arching an eyebrow at him.
“A baby?” He frowned. “I don’t understand. Are you planning to adopt?”
“Not exactly.” I took his hand and placed it on my belly, right where it was just beginning to swell.
Comprehension dawned in his deep brown eyes, and he looked at me with growing joy.
“Oh sweetheart, really?” His voice was choked with emotion. “You’re pregnant?”
“Mm-hmm.” I smiled at him. “You’re going to be a dad.”
Kor crushed me to him, then pulled back hastily, as though he was afraid he might hurt me or the baby.
“Sorry! I didn’t mean to squeeze you so hard,’ he said.
I reached for him and hugged him as tightly as I could.
“You can squeeze me all you want,” I whispered in his ear. “As long as you stay with me forever.”
“Forever and ever,” he promised, holding me tight. “Now that I’ve got you back again, I’m never going to let you go.”