Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
KARA
I question Imogen as I drive her home, but she’s not very forthcoming. Still considerably shocked and upset, she mumbles something about Evie and her having had a falling-out, confirming what Evie had told me.
‘About?’ I ask her, wanting to hear her side of the story.
‘Just a boy.’ Imogen shrugs and blows her nose noisily on the tissue I’d given her. ‘Evie thinks I was flirting with him, but I wasn’t. I came round to your house to try and explain and make up with her.’
‘And you decided to collect your things while you were there?’
She nods and dabs at her eyes. She looks more like a child than the sexually aware sixteen-year-old I’d imagined her to be, and I hate myself for being so judgemental of her.
I pray that Jack hadn’t encouraged anything untoward between them.
Or, God forbid, done worse. Then hate myself for thinking that too.
His bewilderment had been real. His shock tangible.
Surely I can’t be completely wrong in my judgement of him?
‘Jack said it would be okay,’ she says, glancing nervously at me. ‘It was raining and I was soaking wet, that’s why I wanted my jacket. He said to use a towel from the bathroom and that he would drive me home.’
I note she’s using his Christian name rather than the more formal ‘Mr Conley’ she would normally address him as.
‘I see.’ I fix my gaze on the windscreen.
I don’t see. Not at all. What had Jack been thinking?
Imogen definitely has a crush on him. It’s obvious.
I’d dismissed it, tried to tell myself her coquettish smiles were nothing more than normal teenage behaviour.
But surely he could see that she liked him?
Evie clearly could. Why had she reacted so violently, though?
I could understand her jealousy to a degree, but she’d scared me.
‘Sorry about the perfume,’ Imogen mumbles as we pull up at her address. ‘It’s such a beautiful house I couldn’t resist having a nose around. I shouldn’t have gone into your room, though. Sorry.’
Assuring her it’s all right, hoping that she’s okay and, probably wrongly, that she won’t relay what’s happened to her parents, I watch until she’s through her front door, then head back home.
Once I arrive, I sit in the car for a while, tension grinding my stomach as I wonder what I’m going to say to Jack, what he’s going to say to me. My heart is thudding. I’m sure my tiny baby’s heart is pounding too.
Climbing out, I head for the front door, take a breath to brace myself, then go on in.
Jack meets me in the hall, looking apprehensive. ‘Is she okay?’ he asks. ‘Did she get home safely?’
‘I waited until she was through her front door,’ I assure him. ‘She seems to be all right, considering. Shaken, but intact. How’s Evie?’
‘Okay,’ he says, his eyes cautious as he scans mine. ‘Emotional.’
‘Clearly. Where is she?’ I glance past him for signs of her.
‘Checking out the annexe with Lina.’ He nods that way. ‘She’s making a list of anything that might be needed for her to move in. She was going to let Lina have her room for tonight, but I suggested she settle her into the spare room, since it’s on the ground floor.’
That was thoughtful of him, considering.
‘I said we would help move her into the annexe over the weekend.’
I nod. Then, ‘We need to talk,’ I say, and head past him to the lounge.
Noting the half-filled brandy glass on the drinks tray, I assume he’s had another, which riles me immensely.
My father drank when he was stressed. He would drink to ease his stress after a bad day at work.
He drank to drown his sorrows when his rugby team lost, when he was disappointed with life.
He would drink when the inevitable arguments between him and my mother followed.
He would drink because he couldn’t cope with his emotions.
Is that what Jack is doing here? When my mother left, my father simply never stopped drinking.
Eventually, for the sake of my own health while pregnant with Kai, and though it almost broke me, I walked away too.
I won’t live that life over again. Not ever.
‘What’s going on, Jack?’ I turn to face him as he follows me in. ‘Why was Imogen upstairs in our bedroom?’
‘I said,’ Jack answers with an uncertain frown. ‘She was cold and wet. She said she needed to collect some stuff. A jacket or something, so I—’
‘Why did Evie react so violently to finding her up there?’ I cut across him, feeling agitated and impatient. I can’t help it. My own emotions feel raw. Exposed.
He draws in a tight breath. ‘I knew this would happen,’ he mutters. ‘Lina’s trying to poison Evie against me. You must see what’s she’s doing?’
‘Lina’s not responsible for that young girl being upstairs in our bedroom, Jack,’ I point out angrily. ‘Surely you’re not blaming her for that?’
He runs a hand over the back of his neck. ‘No, I’m not. It looked bad. I should have thought. I didn’t. I’m sorry.’
‘And Evie’s reaction?’ I push him, making sure to keep my voice low. ‘It was extreme, worryingly so. The police might even have been involved. They might still.’
I see a flash of panic in Jack’s eyes. ‘Do you think Imogen will tell her parents?’ he asks.
‘I don’t know. Possibly not, since she was in our bedroom and she admitted that she shouldn’t have been.’ I let that hang for a second. ‘Why did Evie warn you to stop encouraging her?’ I ask, because it’s quite clear that Evie did think he was leading her on in some way.
‘I’m not encouraging her.’ He looks shocked. ‘I’ve only ever seen her in Evie’s company. I have no idea—’
‘Apart from tonight,’ I point out.
‘I just didn’t think it through.’ He sighs tiredly.
I take a moment. ‘I’ve noticed you exchanging smiles with her. Evie has too,’ I tell him, because he needs to be aware that she has.
He looks astonished at that. ‘Am I supposed to not smile then? Ignore her?’
‘She clearly thinks you like her.’
‘Jesus.’ He shakes his head. ‘If my smiling at her is deemed to be encouraging her, Kara, I really don’t know what to say. If I intended to encourage anything, it was their friendship. Evie doesn’t make friends easily and… I obviously got things wrong. Sent out the wrong signals.’
‘Evie certainly seems to think so, judging by her reaction,’ I remind him. ‘Has she acted this way before?’
‘She’s emotionally fragile, Kara. Isn’t she bound to be?
’ Jack looks at me beseechingly. ‘She still has questions about her mother’s death.
Questions I simply don’t have the answers to.
And then along comes Lina, manoeuvring her way into her life and filling her head with nonsense, blaming me.
Don’t you think that’s going to screw her up emotionally? ’
He’s looking at me for understanding, and I do understand, up to a point.
She’d lost her mother at a time when she needed her most. At her age, she’ll be going through all sorts of physical and mental changes.
She’ll have body-image and self-esteem issues, made worse by social media.
Her friendships will be incredibly important to her, particularly if she doesn’t make friends easily.
This falling-out with Imogen is bound to have a backlash at school, which won’t help her state of mind.
Even given all of this, though, her outburst had been so aggressive.
‘Has she done this before?’ I ask him again. ‘I need to know if I’m going to be of any help to her.’
‘She’s still struggling with losing her mother.’ His voice is filled with frustration. ‘She’s sixteen. Her mood’s bound to be all over the place,’ he goes on, echoing my own thoughts. ‘Yes, she’s been volatile. I’m sure Lina’s influence is what kicked this all off, though.’
I resist commenting that he’s also been emotionally volatile since Lina appeared.
Now isn’t the time to bring that into the mix.
‘You don’t think it was finding Imogen in our bedroom, then?
She was bound to be shocked, wondering why she would be in there when the two of you were here on your own.
As am I,’ I add, watching him carefully.
‘I’m sorry, but despite your explanations, I’m struggling to believe your judgement could be so off. ’
His jaw tightens. ‘I see,’ he says tersely.
‘Did you have an affair when you were married?’ I ask him, because I have to.
His reply is swift and vehement. ‘No, Kara. I did not. You’re being sucked in by Lina too, aren’t you?’ he says, almost an accusation. ‘Do you think I’m having an affair with Imogen? I mean, really?’
He stares at me with a mixture of hurt and incredulity, and I swallow back my own hurt. How is it that I feel the one under attack suddenly? In the wrong for asking him, when surely I shouldn’t be?
‘Lina is confused,’ he points out, his frustration growing. ‘Getting things muddled. You said so yourself.’
‘She’s not the only one,’ I respond, tears rising, part from bewilderment and exhaustion, part from disappointment.
Everything was so perfect. I’m having his baby.
A new life growing inside me. My love for this child is already so fierce it scares me.
I ache to feel the soft warmth of his small body nestled close to mine.
I never thought I would find happiness again.
I was convinced I didn’t deserve it. I thought that by some miracle I had.
With Jack. Now it all seems to be evaporating.
Is it me? My hormones at play? Am I overreacting?
‘Oh, Christ, Kara, please don’t cry.’ He obviously realises how upset I am. ‘I didn’t mean to snap. I—’
I press a hand against his chest, stopping him as he moves towards me.
‘Were you married before Natalia?’ I ask, searching his face.
I’m actively looking for the lies in his eyes, I realise, and my heart drops.
I have to be able to trust him. If I can’t, then I can’t be with him. Where does that leave our child?
Jack looks astonished. ‘She’s confused,’ he repeats. ‘She was talking about her own husband. He was married before. According to Natalia, he cheated on Lina. Numerous times. He…’ He stops, wiping his hand over his face, now clearly exasperated.
I hesitate, but I have to ask. I have to see his reaction. ‘What about the bruises Lina spoke of?’ I study him carefully. ‘The broken arm. Did Natalia sustain those injuries while she was with you?’
Jack says nothing, simply stares at me for a long moment. Then, ‘Do you think I’m capable of violence, Kara?’ he asks quietly.
‘No, I…’ I falter. ‘I didn’t say I thought you were. I just…’
‘… think there’s a possibility there’s some truth in the crap Lina’s spouting?’ he finishes. ‘Natalia’s not here, after all, to give her version of events.’ His eyes are as dark as thunder as he turns away.
‘Jack…’ I go after him as he walks to the hall. He’s angry, and hasn’t he every right to be? I’m questioning him based on statements from a woman who’s muddled. ‘Jack, please wait.’
He grabs his jacket from the pegs and pulls open the front door.
‘I didn’t mean to imply that I thought you were violent,’ I try. ‘I had to ask, though. Surely you must…’ I stop as he grinds to a halt and turns around.
‘I can’t do this, Kara,’ he says, kneading his forehead hard with his thumb and forefingers. ‘She’s obviously planted doubt in your mind and I have no idea how to make that doubt go away.’
‘Talk to me,’ I implore him. Reaching for his hand, I pull it away from his face. ‘Tell me what happened with Natalia’s stepfather. Why Lina’s so scathing of you. I don’t understand, and I need to.’
I place a hand over my tummy, an almost involuntary action, but Jack notices. ‘I know,’ he says throatily. Then glances towards the annexe. ‘Not here,’ he says, looking back at me, anguish now in his eyes where a moment ago there was anger. ‘Will you walk with me?’
I nod and turn quickly back to the hall to grab my keys and close the front door.
The air is brisk. It’s growing bitterly cold. I so wish Jack would put his arm around me, but he seems reluctant to. Because he no longer trusts me. A part of my heart breaks at that thought. Perhaps he’s right. Perhaps Lina is working to drive a wedge between us. But why would she?
We’ve walked a way down the drive when he stops and turns towards me.
‘You’re shivering,’ he says. A concerned furrow forming in his brow, he pulls off his jacket and wraps it around me.
Then, hesitating briefly, he circles me with his arms and eases me towards him.
‘I’m not a violent man, Kara,’ he says, his voice catching.
‘I would never physically hurt anyone. Emotionally either, not knowingly.’
Hearing him say it outright, relief sweeps through me and I snuggle into him, grateful for the warmth, then freeze as he says, ‘I haven’t told you the whole truth, though.’