Chapter 44
FORTY-FOUR
‘Won’t be a minute,’ I call back, hurrying to stuff the laptop and lead into his wardrobe. Closing the door, I glance quickly around, making sure everything looks as normal as it can. I don’t want him to know what happened up here. Not until I’ve had time to think about all I’ve just seen.
Satisfied, I grab a tracksuit and tug it on, then head quickly for the landing and down the stairs.
Jack comes from the kitchen to meet me. ‘I was worried about you. You sounded exhausted when we spoke,’ he says, his forehead creased in concern.
‘I’m okay,’ I assure him.
He doesn’t look convinced. ‘I’m just making some tea,’ he says. ‘Do you fancy one?’
I shake my head. ‘No thanks. I’ve not long had one.’
‘Oh, right.’ He looks me over quizzically. ‘Are you sure you’re okay? You look pale.’
‘Fine. Just morning sickness again. It will pass,’ I lie. I’ve never felt more nauseous in my life.
‘Sure?’ His frown deepens.
‘Positive.’ I nod and force a smile, then walk towards the front door.
‘You’re not going out, are you?’ he asks, surprised. ‘You know there’s a weather warning in place?’
‘Oh, no, I didn’t. I’m only popping over to see Lina, though. Won’t be long.’ Breaking eye contact with him, I head quickly outside.
The sky overhead is charcoal grey and the clouds are already spitting rain. There’s definitely a storm coming. Lina answers her door straight away – unsurprisingly, since she was standing in the window when I came out. Obviously she knows Jack is back. She’ll be desperate to know what’s going on.
‘I saw you coming across,’ she says, her face as worried as Jack’s was. It’s ironic that everyone seems so concerned about me whilst busily driving me out of my mind. ‘Come on, come on in, before the skies open.’
She pulls the door wider, and I step inside, glancing past her. ‘Where’s Evie?’ I ask.
‘She’s gone to a memorial at the school for that friend of hers and then she’s going to the supermarket for groceries,’ Lina answers. ‘She has a good heart. I just hope that father of hers doesn’t break it,’ she adds with a long, soulful sigh.
Ignoring her theatricals. I follow her through to the kitchen to sit down before my legs fail me.
‘I need to ask you something,’ I say, girding myself, both for her answer and her facetiousness, of which there’s bound to be plenty.
‘The cruise Jack and Natalia went on, do you know when it was booked?’
Lina raises her eyebrows curiously. ‘You’re beginning to doubt him, then?’
‘Do you know?’ I press her. When I’d spoken to Jack at Jemma’s housewarming party, he’d mentioned they were going. I recall he’d said he’d given Natalia the tickets as a birthday present, but I need to know when that was.
She knits her brow. ‘About six weeks before they went. He gave her the tickets in her birthday card. She thought he was making an effort at a romantic gesture, which was rubbish. He wasn’t trying to rescue their marriage,’ she goes on, as if the idea is preposterous.
‘He was planning something, you mark my words. He didn’t want Natalia.
He was cheating on her. He wanted custody of Evie. He wanted…’
I stop listening, my heart banging as I do a quick mental calculation. The WhatsApp messages were dated around then. Had he been planning something? Fear grips me and won’t let go. Am I living with a murderer?
My head whirls, my mind careering back to the day he’d turned up on my doorstep, treating me so kindly and seemingly as broken as me.
Was it possible it was all an elaborate plan to install himself in my life, my affections?
And his ultimate plan? Had that been for me to have an unfortunate accident too? Our baby?
No, it’s not possible. He’d been thrilled at the prospect of becoming a father again.
Wary, yes, because of Evie. But he couldn’t wait to tell her the news, thinking she would be pleased, that the prospect of a baby brother would give her something to look forward to.
He’d been nothing but caring, so tender and careful of my feelings, knowing instinctively when I needed to simply be held.
His love for Evie was indisputable. He wasn’t a calculating monster.
He wasn’t capable of the horrendous things Lina had said he was.
Or was he? He’d changed. When Lina turned up, I’d seen a different side to him, one that frightened me.
I recall how he’d switched from the placid man I knew to aggressive, yelling at her to get out.
How he’d been seething with anger, insisting, ‘There were no fucking affairs!’ when Lina had insisted it was him who’d cheated.
That he was the abusive one, a coercive man who was gaslighting Natalia in order to gain sole custody of Evie.
I was sure he was close to evicting her physically from the house when I’d intervened.
I told myself he wasn’t capable of violence, but hadn’t I seen a glimpse of it then?
He’d wanted to shut her up. Because he was scared I would start to believe her?
He had had an affair. Those two messages were evidence of that.
And what of Imogen? Had he needed to shut her up too?
I would have changed my mind about the wills in an instant if I’d suspected he was unfaithful. He must know I would.
I have to talk to him, challenge him, get him out of my house now if I suspect there’s even a hint of a lie.
Feeling the tears rise, I squeeze my eyes closed, willing them back.
Then start as I feel Lina’s hand on my arm.
‘Are you all right, dear?’ she asks, looking worriedly into my eyes as I snap them open.
‘Would you like me to make you a nice cup of tea?’
‘No. I’m fine.’ Nausea churns inside me at even the thought of tea. I press my hand over my tummy as I feel my baby kick frenetically. This time I don’t doubt it. He’s sensing my distress.
‘You’re not fine.’ She looks me over with a frown. ‘You look dreadful. Stay there while I go and make you a nice warm drink, and then we’ll settle down and have a good chat.’ Giving me a firm look, she turns away.
With no intention of sitting here sipping tea and chatting, I stand, and am about to leave when I notice her collecting up a box of tablets from the worktop. Mirtazapine. Her antidepressants. I recognise the packet.
I feel myself reel as a terrifying thought occurs to me. The constant nausea and dizziness I’ve been suffering, the exhaustion – I’ve even had trouble breathing… They’re the exact same symptoms I’d experienced when I’d been prescribed the drug. I’m being poisoned.
I have to go.