Chapter 45
FORTY-FIVE
I almost bump into Jack as I hurry through my front door. ‘Is there a problem?’ he asks, looking me over curiously. ‘I’m assuming there is as you’re running about in the rain.’
I don’t answer. I have absolutely no idea what to say to him.
Whether to say anything. Whether I’ll be safe with him if I do.
Is it possible, I wonder, that they might be in it together?
Even as I think it, I tell myself it’s preposterous.
But it’s not, is it? If Natalia was murdered, if Imogen was, then it’s utterly terrifying.
‘Kara, what’s wrong?’ he asks, clearly concerned.
‘I don’t know, Jack.’ Dragging my damp hair from my face. I study him for a long, searching moment. ‘Why don’t you tell me?’
He looks at me askance, then follows me as I walk past him to the lounge. ‘Kara, I have no idea what’s going on, but—’
‘Don’t you?’ I spin around to face him. ‘Really, Jack? Just like you have no idea why Lina would make the accusations she has?’
He shakes his head in obvious despair. ‘I take it she’s been feeding you more of her bullshit then?’ he asks with a scornful smile. ‘Why the hell are you listening to her, for Christ’s sake? You know she—’
‘Stop!’ I scream, furious tears springing to my eyes. ‘Do not tell me what I should and shouldn’t do! Not ever!’
‘Okay, okay.’ Shaken, he holds his hands up in contrition. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I just…’ He pauses, scanning my face cautiously. ‘What’s going on, Kara? I came home to talk to you. And no sooner am I through the door than you’re charging off. What’s she been telling you?’
As in, what rubbish has she been filling my head with? The insinuation being that I’m gullible. He got that right. ‘Start talking,’ I seethe. ‘And it damn well better be the truth, Jack.’
Kneading his temples, he sighs heavily. ‘Can we at least go and sit down?’ he asks, looking pleadingly back at me. ‘I’ll go and make us a drink and—’
‘I don’t want a fucking drink!’ I yell, jolting him. ‘I need you to tell me the truth!’
‘I will. I want to.’ He moves quickly towards me.
‘Don’t touch me,’ I warn him, stepping back. ‘You told me Natalia went missing from the ship. That her body had been swept out to sea. Lina’s adamant that’s not what happened.’
‘Because she’s confused.’ Jack sighs again in frustration.
‘So you’ve said,’ I respond angrily.
‘Jesus,’ he mutters, swiping a hand over his face. ‘She’s divisive, Kara. Jealous.’
‘Of what?’ I demand.
He eyes the ceiling. ‘Of me having a relationship with her daughter where she couldn’t. My relationship with Evie. I don’t know.’
I study him. He looks desperate. But isn’t he bound to be now the na?ve little worm has turned? ‘You’ve messed that up, though, haven’t you? Evie has doubts about your story,’ I remind him.
He looks as if I’ve just slapped him.
‘I think you’ve been lying to me.’ I accuse him outright.
‘You said Natalia was the one having affairs, that she had manic episodes and ended up sleeping with complete strangers.’ I know she had an affair.
That was obvious from the photos I’d seen, but for her to have been that promiscuous?
I can’t help but doubt it. ‘Was that the truth? Any of it?’
He squeezes the bridge of his nose. ‘It was the truth,’ he says, his voice tight.
‘And you?’ I gauge him carefully. ‘Did you cheat on her? Do not lie to me, Jack,’ I add, hoping he’ll get that his things will be outside the door in one second flat if he does.
‘I’ve no intention of lying to you.’ He holds my gaze for a moment, then glances down. ‘That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,’ he says, his eyes coming guiltily back to mine. ‘I did cheat on her, once.’
I stare at him, staggered.
‘I don’t know why I didn’t tell you.’ He glances away again. ‘I suppose because I didn’t want you to think I was the kind of man who would cheat in a relationship. It was the one and only time,’ he adds quickly.
Still I say nothing. I don’t have any words. I feel numb.
‘It was more the company I needed, I think.’ He shrugs awkwardly and swallows hard.
My emotions collide, the love I felt for him, my disillusionment and incredible hurt doing battle inside me. I study him in disbelief. ‘Who with?’ I choke the words out.
He blows out a breath. ‘A client I was doing some work for.’
My heart drops like a stone. This from the man whose reputation as trustworthy is one of the reasons people hire him? He clearly isn’t, is he? Yet I had trusted him – with my vulnerability. And I had been vulnerable. He knew I was.
‘I turned up to do some work on her house and found her upset,’ he goes on uncomfortably. ‘Her mother had just passed away and her husband wasn’t being very sympathetic.’
‘So she decided to cheat on him?’ I ask, incredulous.
‘I was there. She was in tears,’ he says with another hopeless shrug. ‘We got talking and…’
‘…had sex?’ I finish facetiously.
‘No, not then,’ he answers quietly. ‘A week or so later. We just talked at first.’ He pauses. ‘It wasn’t supposed to happen. I realised it couldn’t go anywhere, that people were going to get hurt. We both did, so we agreed not to see each other any more.’
‘You were both married.’ I point out this seemingly insignificant detail. ‘Of course people were going to get hurt.’
‘I know,’ he says, his voice thick with emotion.
‘And I know it’s no excuse, but my relationship with Natalia was impossible.
I tried to fix things. Na?vely, I thought I could.
That somehow, if I was there for her, she might eventually realise she had people around her who loved and needed her.
It didn’t fix anything. She was broken. I didn’t realise how badly. ’
Glancing away again, he falls quiet, and I try to process. Do I believe him? ‘Did Natalia find out?’ I eye him carefully.
‘No.’ He shakes his head adamantly. ‘I prayed she never would. Despite everything, I still hoped that if she got the right help, we might be able to make things work between us. The things she did, her affairs, her mania, were because she was ill, but she would never admit to it. I suppose, in a way, I couldn’t blame her.
Mental illness is a label, after all. It was around then that I booked the cruise.
I hoped we could talk. That she would open up to me. ’ He stops, swallowing hard.
Pressing a thumb and forefinger to his eyes, he tries to compose himself, then goes on falteringly.
‘I needed to know what it was she wanted. Whether she wanted me. She would always be sorry after one of her episodes, upset and crying. Often, she would beg me not to leave her. I didn’t intend to, but it was so hard sometimes. ’
Again he falters, and I give him a moment.
‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,’ he goes on, his voice catching. ‘I should have. I just didn’t want you to feel you couldn’t trust me. I would never cheat on you, Kara. I love you. Please believe me.’
I look him over. He seems so wretched, yet how can I know this is the truth? What if he’d established that Natalia didn’t want him? Would he have left Evie with her? I very much doubt it, which means he would have fought for custody of her. Perhaps already was. Lina seems to think so.
I take a breath and then ask the question I need to. ‘Did you show her the photographs, Jack?’
‘What photographs?’ He looks both wary and confused.
‘The ones you took of her and her lover when you followed her.’
He swallows. ‘I followed her once,’ he says, his gaze flicking guiltily away and back. ‘I thought I could stop her before—’
‘Did you push her?’ I demand. ‘You must have been overwhelmed with anger seeing them together,’ I go on as he stares at me in astonishment. ‘Did you argue while you were away? Did it get out of hand?’
‘What?’ He shakes his head in bewilderment.
‘Did she jump from the ship?’ I press on, because I have to. ‘Or did you push her?’
‘Christ.’ Jack sucks in a breath. ‘No, we did not argue. And no, I did not push her. She…’ He stops and runs his fingers shakily through his hair. When he looks back at me, his eyes are so guarded, it scares me.
‘She didn’t jump from the ship. She never came back on board,’ he admits, his tone flat, his body language defeated.
I stare at him uncomprehending. ‘You lied about that too?’
‘I had to.’ He looks at me beseechingly. ‘I couldn’t tell the truth however much I wanted to.’
‘Why?’ I gasp.
He hesitates before answering. ‘Because I couldn’t have the authorities investigating the place she did fall from,’ he says after a terrifyingly long moment. ‘Because that’s where she and Evie argued.’