Chapter 11
Zoe
I shut my eyes, a dense tiredness finding its way deep within my bones.
"You're still as beautiful as ever," Chris murmurs beside me.
I turn my head toward him, opening my eyes to look at the man occupying the seat next to mine. "You haven't signed those divorce papers."
He squints his eyes, his gaze locking onto mine with total resolve. "I will never sign that, Zoe. I can't lose you."
I nod my head slowly and look out the side window at the passing streetlights, trying to hide the small smile that threatens to embarrass me. "I see."
"Yes. I wouldn't ever sign that document with my eyes open."
I offer another quiet nod, and he shifts in his seat, clearing his throat. "Uh, Zoe..."
"Yeah?" I respond.
"I... I saw a therapist," he says.
"I know. You told Dana. You texted her every single day up until yesterday."
Chris lets out a soft chuckle. "I see she told you."
"And I know what I did wrong, Zoe. I know where I flopped, where I failed as a husband, and I am so sorry about it."
I turn back to him, studying his profile. "So, what exactly did you do?"
He takes in a deep breath, leaning his head back flat against the leather headrest. "You didn't come first. I took you for granted. I let you see me in another woman's space for too long. I didn't spend enough time with you. I became lax with showing you how much I loved you."
He pauses, and with each reason he names, my heart pounds a fraction faster against my ribs.
"I broke my promise of putting you first. At one point, I even let work get the best of me."
The fact that he speaks while looking straight ahead into the empty space of the dashboard lets me know he is actively processing each failure.
I was never truly angry with him for working the hours he did; he was trying to hit a major milestone for the company and had discussed the stress of the milestone with me long before the frenzy took him away.
"I stopped kissing you before I left the house," he continues, his voice lowering. "I stopped letting you know how much I liked your scent. I stopped having family calls with you and the kids. I became lax in the very marriage that I fought so hard to get into with you."
My attention is now fixed on his face. He is naming minor details I hadn't even taken into consideration, and a quiet realization hits me that I am likely guilty of some of it too.
I had simply assumed the distance was normal, forgetting that if you stop being intentional with the little habits, the foundation goes lax.
I trace the clean lines of his side profile.
He turns his head suddenly, nearly catching me off guard, and I immediately snap my gaze back to my lap.
"I am sorry for not being a good husband, Zoe," he says softly.
"Honestly, I am. I am sorry for a lot of things.
It is saddening that losing you had to be my wakeup call.
I am sorry for the times you tried to share your plans with me, and I brushed them aside because I was too distracted to listen. "
I nod, forcing my heart to stay guarded, but I know my husband. I know the sincerity in his voice is real now. The fact that he is naming every single one of his mistakes without hiding behind Sarai's name cracks a small fracture in the wall around my heart.
"I'm sorry, Zoe."
"But just apologizing does not change anything, Chris. I have to be certain it won't happen again."
He looks down at my hands resting on my knee.
I watch as his fingers lift from his thigh, hesitating for a fraction of a second before he reaches over to cover my hand with his.
His grasp is loose at first, then tightens, anchoring his palm against mine.
He lifts my hand to his lips, pressing a slow, warm kiss against my knuckles before resting our joined hands against his forehead.
"This is how I am able to go to bed at night knowing the depth of how I wronged you," he whispers against my skin.
"Knowing I missed Nate's delivery. Knowing I missed our anniversary five times.
I persuaded myself into thinking my absence was understandable because Sarai needed my help.
" He lowers our hands, looking me dead in the eyes.
"But I know she would have managed just fine without me.
And I am sorry, so sorry, Zoe, for trusting her version of things over yours. "
The car brakes smoothly, coming to a full stop. I look out the window to see the familiar outline of Maya's house.
"We are here, Chris," I say, my voice a whisper.
He nods, slowly releasing my fingers.
"We'll talk about this some other time," I add, opening the car door.
Stepping onto the curb, I see my son already waiting outside with my sister.
"Mom!" Nate shouts, rushing straight to my side.
I drop to my knees on the pavement so we are at eye level, wrapping my arms tight around his shoulders.
"You've grown so tall, pumpkin," I say, ruffling the thick hair at the back of his neck.
I blink rapidly against the moisture threatening to spill over my eyelids. "Oh, I've missed you so much, Nate."
"I've missed you too, but you're choking me, Mom."
I release him slightly, patting his arms and checking his frame to see if he has lost any weight during our months apart. "I see Aunty Maya is taking good care of you."
Nate nods, then shifts his gaze upward. Before he even calls out, the shift in the air tells me Chris is already standing directly behind my shoulder.
"Daddy!" Nate cries, lunging forward to hug his waist tightly.
I stand up, walking over to my older sister to wrap her in a warm embrace, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. "It's been a long time, Maya."
"Well, tell me something I don't know, you youngling," she says with a grin, squeezing my shoulders before turning her gaze to my husband. "Come on inside, y'all."
I give her a playful swat on the arm for the blunt way she directs the invitation at Chris, but he simply offers a grateful nod.
The moment we step through the front door, I open my arms for her pack of dogs to run toward me.
Maya’s husky, Jasper, bypasses me entirely and bounds straight toward my husband instead.
I turn to watch Chris and my son crouch down to pet the dog's thick fur.
Once the other pups are done licking my chin and I finish rubbing their ears, I find myself face-to-face with the human Jasper—my brother-in-law.
He walks into the foyer holding their adopted toddler in his arms.
"Grace," I say, nodding to the little girl before looking back at my sister.
"Yes, this is our child whom you've seen during video calls a hundred times now," Maya reprimands me softly.
I nod, extending my arms to take the toddler, but Grace turns her head away, burying her face in Jasper's shoulder. I let out a laugh, offering a casual nod to Jasper before leaning in to press a brief peck against his cheek.
***
An hour later, my husband and Jasper are out on the porch, holding mugs of tea and talking quietly through the screen door. Maya turns to me from the kitchen counter, nodding her head toward the glass window.
"Has he finally come to his senses?"
"Yes, actually. I think so," I reply, leaning against the refrigerator.
"But I'm still not entirely certain, you know how these situations are.
You never really know until you see consistent change.
But he seems to recognize exactly where he went wrong.
He looks at me like he's about to gobble me up right here. "
Maya lets out a loud laugh. "Well, hasn't he always looked at you that way?" She glances through the glass at the two men on the porch. "I know the man is madly in love with you, Zoe. That's why I was always so confused by that phase where he kept putting Sarai first."
I chuckle, adjusting my bracelets. "You sound just like Dana, you know."
"That reminds me," Maya says, her eyes lighting up. "How is that crazy friend of yours? And her cute daughter?"
"Oh, they are doing very well."
"Good, good. So, how is... what's his name, her husband? The one who ran away with her younger sister?"
"Well, he came crawling back recently, but now her first husband, Abraham, is back in the picture too."
My sister breaks into a loud laugh, leaning against the counter. "Girl, tell me everything."
We sit together at the small kitchen table, and I happily begin recounting the updates, glad to share a light moment because I remember how deep Dana's sadness was when her marriage dissolved.
***
The sun has set by the time Chris, Nate, and I are back in the car heading toward the hotel. I sit in the passenger seat, looking back at the two of them. Nate is sprawled across his father's broad frame, sleeping soundly while Chris holds him securely against his chest.
I watch Chris for a long moment. The silver hairs in his beard seem to have multiplied since autumn, contrasting with the dark lashes that have been unnecessarily long since the day I met him. He remains incredibly striking.
His eyelids flutter open, his gaze locking directly onto mine. Dropping my eyes now would turn this into a juvenile game of cat and mouse, so I keep my chin up, unashamedly enjoying the view of my husband.
He holds my gaze, his eyes reflecting a warmth that brings a sudden prick of tears to my own. Chris lifts a slow finger to my face, his thumb gently wiping away the moisture before it can track down my cheek.
"You're so beautiful, baby," he whispers. His voice is raspy, deep and thick from the onset of sleep.
I close my eyes and offer a tight nod, trying to prevent the heat from spreading across my face. But controlling the reaction proves to be an impossible feat as my cheeks burn hot in the dark car.