Chapter 2
Chapter Two
Nolan didn’t need to be an expert in the human condition to know that he had thoroughly pissed Lila off last night. But then, that was par for the course with her.
It was part of their dynamic, he supposed.
They irritated each other. He did it to her, half the time on accident, and she turned around and did it right back to him, generally on purpose. It hadn’t always been that way, but it had been that way for a very long time.
He had known her since she was a little girl, all piss and vinegar and hell-raising, which he had always liked, truth be told.
But then, all that fire had started to get turned on him more and more. He could take it. It was fine. In fact, he’d say he’d earned some of it.
When she’d turned twenty-one, they’d been out at the same rodeo event together – and as the good older brother figure he was, he’d decided to buy her the very first shot of whiskey she’d had — legally of course, Lila was a law unto herself so he had never been so foolish as to assume it was her very first shot — and the two of them had ended up in a challenge. Because they always did.
That meant taking shots in a line until one said uncle.
Lila had been the first one down — as was appropriate considering he’d had five years of legal drinking on her.
Her motel had been further from the bar – his within walking distance, so he’d walked her back with him and put her in the bed while he’d crashed on the couch.
But there had been a moment when he’d picked her up to put her in bed, and she’d looped her arms around his neck.
And he’d been drunk, so he felt that his reaction hadn’t been his fault — not really.
But it had felt like any invitation from any woman he might have had in a motel room and his body had responded. Aggressively.
He’d looked into her eyes, which were half closed and dreamy, had looked at her mouth and he’d been hard as iron. Even drunk, he’d known that was a big fucking no.
He’d pulled away, dropped her down onto the mattress and put himself on the couch like the floor was lava. Didn’t allow himself off of it again the whole night.
He hadn’t been thinking of her as Lila. That was the issue.
And she’d been extra mean to him ever since, so he had a feeling she was well-aware of what he’d been thinking and felt spiteful about it.
Fair enough, he thought.
They never discussed it, but then, discussing feelings and shit was not in any of their wheelhouses. It was entirely possible she didn’t even remember it, and any scrappiness she directed at him was just Lila being Lila.
He mainly chose to look at it that way. Like she was doubling down on their borderline familial bond.
Thankfully, now, when he looked at her, mostly, he saw that kid she’d been, and he had context for everything she was. She’d had to be fiery, just like they’d all had to be.
They’d all had to find some way to navigate a childhood of neglect, compounded by the disdain of a town that hadn’t cared any more for them than their own parents had, and why would they?
They’d had to take care of each other. And they’d done it.
And as far as everything else, they’d all coped however they could.
Cody was hard, or he had been. Walker had played like he was above it all.
And Nolan, in the middle of the two of them, age-wise, had done a little bit of both.
He had worked at seeming as unbothered as he could.
And he had kept his heart as hard as it needed to be.
For Lila, it had all meant becoming a fighter.
Lashing out before anyone could lash out at her. It was what she did.
It was interesting, though, pairing up with her to work on this project. Because he had gotten a close-up look at the woman that Lila had become. The way that childhood spark had refined itself into something more controlled and more precise.
With everybody except him, of course.
He had some... fondness, he supposed maybe was the word, for that edge she had.
When he’d had a girlfriend break up with him in the parking lot of the Grocery Outlet because he’d tried to approach her in public and she’d decided that was an embarrassment, Lila had seen it and she’d torn that woman a new one like he’d never seen before.
Her anger had been pure and unfettered – and it had shocked him even then that she’d defended him half so much.
He’s a bastard.
Well, you’re a bitch, Darlene, and only one of those things is a choice.
That made him laugh even now.
Lila was equal parts salty and sweet to him, and that was just the way it was, and it was best if he didn’t think too deeply about that weird, drunken night when his body had gone rogue.
Salt was just in her nature, it didn’t need a cause.
But he also needed her to chill out a little bit, because they needed to make this project a success. He needed this project to be a success. It wasn’t anything he’d talked to Lila about – they didn’t exactly share feelings with each other – but it was a big deal to him.
That was why he was on Lila’s doorstep bright and early with her favorite coffee indulgence and treat from Juniper & Sage.
Lemon Sunshine Rolls and a Mexican Mocha. He just needed the two of them to achieve some harmony, and it didn’t matter if he tried to accomplish that by talking to her, relating to her, connecting to her, because he couldn’t.
It was like he could never quite pin her down. Like, could never fully figure out quite what she wanted or needed from him, or what quite set her off.
So, he figured coming with goodies was at least a decent way to start the day off on an okay foot.
He knocked on the door, and she jerked it open. She was wearing a black tank top, tight and molded to her muscular frame, and a pair of khaki shorts held up by a belt.
She had on serviceable hiking boots that would protect her against a snake bite, hunter green socks scrunched down in those boots.
Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and for some reason, he experienced a vivid memory right then of putting her hair up in a ponytail on school mornings back years ago, when she’d been bound for elementary school and he’d been in middle school.
“Good morning,” he said.
“Ugh,” she responded, turning away from him and walking back into the house, leaving the door open.
When he walked in, she was lying down across the couch facedown.
“I brought sustenance,” he said.
She turned her head to the side and opened up one eye. “Really?”
“Yeah, this isn’t for me.” He lifted up the white bakery bag and the to-go cup. “I had mine on the way.”
She flipped over onto her back, hands clasped over her stomach. “What is it?”
“Your favorite.”
She peeled herself up halfway sitting and held her hand out, reaching like a hungry raccoon.
“Come on and get it,” he said.
She scowled and stumbled off the couch toward him, taking hold of the offerings. “Thank you.”
“I thought that we better try to get started off right today.”
“What does that mean?” she asked as she walked past him, out the front door, and he followed her, closing the front door firmly behind him.
Lila’s place was like a little nest. A small, cozy cabin that she kept neat but not spotless.
It was interesting to him, how they had all handled their various childhood traumas.
Walker’s house was big, clean—thanks to an array of cleaners, and state-of-the-art technology. Cody’s was definitely ranch fancy.
Lila’s was…cute. A little cabin that she kept neat, but not sterile, with blankets and pillows all over everything. It was soft in a way Lila generally wasn’t. He had to wonder if she surrounded herself with softness to make up for the lack of it — both in her and around her.
His own house was scrubbed immaculately all the time. It was very important to him that everything smell fresh. He knew that it was a pathological response to the lack of control he’d had as a kid.
A grandmother who had chain-smoked and ensured that everything he owned was saturated by it. The lack of control that he’d had over that had soaked into his skin as effectively as the nicotine smell ever had.
In response to that, he did absolutely everything he had to to keep the house smelling fresh and bright, and his clothes too. He used unscented detergents. Because smelling like nothing felt like a luxury.
That was external evidence of how they had all been touched by their lives.
He didn’t know quite what rationale went into Lila’s place, the way that she decorated it, the fact that she chose to live somewhere a little bit smaller, but he knew that there would be an answer that tied back to their childhoods.
Which was why he was patient, even when she was bratty. Why he relentlessly kept it light, even when she was actually mad.
Because all that stuff came from the past.
He didn’t blame her for that, didn’t hold it against her.
“Thank you,” she grumbled as they got into the truck.
He got in and started the engine up again, and debated saying anything else, but then decided to. If it was the wrong thing to say, he would just have to figure out how to cope.
“Well, I could see that I actually made you mad last night. Sorry about that.”
“You’re apologizing?”
“I don’t want to make you mad, Lila, much as you might be surprised by that. We need to get this project done as peaceably as possible. When I decided to take this on with you, I decided to be your ally.”
“Wow,” she said. “An unlikely duo. Like a duckling befriending a snake.”
“Who is the duckling in this scenario?” he asked.
She only looked at him, smiling and baring her teeth.
“Great. But I’m backing you here, financially and physically. This is important to me.”
“It’s important to me. And I’m working eighteen-hour days to try to get it done.”