Chapter 13 #4
“Yeah, I didn’t figure. But I didn’t know if you were cooking over an open flame or anything. Seems hazardous.”
“You let me worry about that.”
“I’m now really worried about your penis, actually.” That was when she realized that her question had been answered. About whether or not he was gifted everywhere.
He certainly was.
“Well, don’t worry, I’ve always had a particular preoccupation with it, and I’ve managed to keep it attached these many years.”
“And thank God for that,” she said.
He snorted, then stood up, stood against the edge of the bed. “Hop on,” he said.
She bounced up and wrapped her legs around his back, her arms around his neck. And he gave her a literal piggyback ride out of the bedroom and down the stairs.
She slid down to the floor, and he turned toward her. “This is ridiculous,” she said.
“Agreed.”
He opened up the fridge and began to raid the contents, taking out cheese and meat, a couple of jars of olives. He built a pretty nice spread, and then took her to the living room, where he settled her on the couch half wrapped in a blanket. He sat beside her.
“So,” she said. “When did you decide that I was pretty?”
“You’re like a dog with a bone, has anybody ever told you that before?”
“Yes. Lots of times.”
He sighed. “I don’t know how to answer that question.”
“What do you mean you don’t know how to answer that question?”
“When did you first start thinking I looked good?”
“June fifteenth, 2012. We went down to the river, you took your shirt off. I thought that I was having a heart attack. I was angry. So angry, because you were Cody’s friend, and also Nolan, and I didn’t want to look at you that way.
I wanted to punch you in the face for daring to be that pretty.
” She shrugged. “Not a complicated answer.”
“Maybe for you,” he said. “It’s a complicated answer for me, though.
I’ve always wanted to protect you, Lila.
And even when we’ve had a more difficult relationship, I’ve never been angry at you.
I care about you. I always have. But we’ve been working together for a little bit now.
And I got to know you in a different way.
Not as someone that I was taking care of, not as my friend’s little sister.
Just you. You’re impressive as hell. But for sure, the first time I looked at your ass was down at the watering hole when we went swimming. ”
“That recently?”
“I’ve been dealing with this for years. Denied for years. You think you have any idea what I went through because you’ve been... mildly attracted to me for the last few weeks?”
“You have no idea what a betrayal it felt like. Cody is my best friend. I always promised him that I would take care of you. And this is... It’s not that.”
“Why not? I mean, it was either you or it was going to be Jason. Don’t you think that it makes more sense that it’s you?”
He sighed. “You know me. I’ve got so much shit going on, and all this stuff with the family, and I...”
“I know. You’re not going to fall in love with me.
This doesn’t have to be catastrophic. It doesn’t have to be something bad or wrong.
It’s just... I trust you. More than I’ve ever trusted anyone in my life.
” She leaned forward and picked up a square of cheese.
She took a bite. “It’s weird, though,” she said.
“What is?”
“It’s weird. How not weird it is to see you naked. But also weird how sex makes all these things feel so reasonable. I want to lick you.”
“I lied,” he said, all of a sudden, eyes fixed on hers.
“About?”
“The night you got drunk, on your twenty-first birthday, when I carried you to bed I felt…I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to do more than that, and I told myself it was the alcohol but the truth is my inhibitions were lowered and that meant I wasn’t…
trying so hard to not look at you. To not notice how beautiful you were. ”
She blinked. “You…you weren’t running to the couch because of me?”
“Oh hell no,” he said. “I was running to the couch because of me. I knew I couldn’t be trusted not to…I never wanted to do the wrong thing with you.”
“I got meaner to you after that,” she said. “I thought you ran from me because you could see that…I wanted you then. I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted—”
He kissed her then. Hard and hot, his tongue sliding against hers, leaving her breathless. Leaving her desperate for more.
“I’m sorry,” he said, breathing hard. “I was being a damned coward and I made you feel badly about yourself and I truly never wanted that. I just wanted to…it all seems stupid now.”
“What about that night above the Velvet Slipper?”
“I wanted you,” he said. “I blamed the alcohol again because it was convenient, and then the whole thing happened when you fell and…the next day we were hiking and I looked at you stone cold sober and I realized I just wanted you. No mood-altering substances required.”
Her heart jumped, her whole body suddenly warm. He’d wanted her way longer than he’d been willing to admit.
She touched his face, then leaned in and kissed him until she was shaking. He pulled away, hands wrapped around her wrists.
“Okay,” he said. “I feel like I need to gauge this situation.”
“What situation?”
“What happens for the rest of the night. Because you’re new at this, and I don’t want to hurt you and—”
“Nolan, I want to give you a blow job.”
“Well, I’m not going to argue with that.”