Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
And he didn’t. What argument was there to be made? The cheese and olives were forgotten as Lila knelt in front of him, and found him erect and ready for her attention.
This whole thing was about as dumb a thing as he ever could have done, the biggest sin he might have committed, and he was about to compound it.
But it was too late. What was done was done.
So as she knelt in front of him, he pushed his fingers through her hair. She looked up at him. His stomach hollowed out.
Lila.
Those familiar eyes.
When had he first realized how beautiful she was?
There were moments. A lot of moments, things that he had suppressed.
If he were really honest, that moment down by the creek was just what had escaped containment, the moment that had made it so he couldn’t pretend that wasn’t happening anymore. That’s all that was.
But she was beautiful. And he did know it. But the knowing for him hadn’t been like an epiphany. It hadn’t been a sudden clash and change like it had been for her.
It was like standing outside during the sunrise. And only noticing when the sun finally peeked over the mountain that it had been rising, the air around you slowly getting lighter for a good while now.
More a dawning realization than a flashlight to the eyes.
Even now, he didn’t think he could quite pin it down, but he wasn’t going to think about that, because she was moving closer to him, a determined expression on her face.
She wrapped her hand around his cock, then leaned in, tasted the tip, before licking him down to the base.
He threw his head back, gripping the edge of the couch.
Lila was, as she was with everything, smart, determined, bold, and a very fast learner.
Nothing had ever been as hot as watching her do this. Nothing had ever been as glorious as witnessing her lips sliding up and down on his arousal.
“I’m going to lose it,” he said.
She didn’t respond. She only kept going.
And as much as he would love that. Would love to finish down her throat, that was advanced-level shit, and he was happy to save it for another day.
Of course, if he said that to Lila, she would take it as a challenge. And while he was tempted by that for a full five seconds, he stopped her before things got too intense.
He hauled her up off the floor, brought her up against him, pressed himself between her legs and let her feel just how hard he was, how he was pulsing, so close to the edge.
“I’m on the pill,” she said softly.
“What?”
“If you say that you’re safe, I’ll believe you. Because you’re Nolan. I’m on the pill because of my cramps and stuff. And I’ve never had sex with anybody else. So... if you want to, without a condom...”
He thought his head was going to explode.
He wanted it so badly, it scared him. The possessiveness that rose up inside of him was like a monster that had always been there, one he had never seen before.
Perhaps one that had been stuck behind that same door with so many of his other observations.
So many other things he hadn’t ever wanted to admit to himself.
“Do you want to?” She sounded timid. And he didn’t feel timid. He felt... He had never felt anything like the sensation growing in his chest.
“Let me have you,” he said. His voice was low, a growl. He hadn’t meant to say it, not like that, but there hadn’t been anything else.
“Yes, please,” she said.
He adjusted his hold on her, brought her down on top of him, thrusting inside of her.
She gasped. And then he began to thrust up inside of her, until he couldn’t control himself anymore.
He flipped their positions, putting her on her back on the couch as he carried them both to oblivion.
Until she cried out his name and he spilled himself inside of her, coming in a rush.
He was breathing hard in the aftermath. His whole body on the verge.
Which was insane, because he should be sated right now.
Satisfied. And instead he felt like he could go again.
But he really did have to be mindful of the fact that she was...
Inexperienced. That the only experience she’d had was from him. Was from this.
He moved away from her, and she was still lying there, and he was reminded of the other day when she had been laying on the couch, had only peeled herself up to get a treat.
“Do you want some ice cream?”
She didn’t sit up, but she did cover her mouth, laughing.
“What?”
“That’s so weird. You’re so weird.”
“This is pretty fucking weird,” he said.
But at the same time, it also felt like it wasn’t. It felt almost natural in a way that he couldn’t articulate.
He wasn’t one for sex with people he knew. Maybe that was part of it. Maybe this was that intimacy that people had talked about. Who knew that he could find it with Lila.
“Well, do you want some?” he pressed.
“I do,” she said. “But I’m dizzy. And that was hot.”
“Great. We should probably get some clothes on,” he said.
She agreed, and that was how they ended up back in his bed, her in her underwear and him in his, eating ice cream and watching reruns of a cartoon that both of them had forgotten existed, but that they had watched when they were kids.
It had popped up in the menu of a streaming service, and he had just hit play without thinking.
Reflexively, he pushed his fingers through her hair. His stomach tightened, and he set his ice cream down, got up, and went into the bathroom. He grabbed a hairbrush and sat back down on the mattress. “Get in front of me,” he said.
“What?”
He picked her up by the waist and hauled her over so that she was sitting in front of him, nestled in his lap, her back rested against his chest. “That’s what I meant.”
Then he started to brush her hair.
“What are you doing?”
“Don’t you remember?”
“Yeah,” she said softly.
They didn’t talk anymore. He just brushed her hair. And fully sat in the evolution of this relationship. Of the way that he felt. And the absolute truth that they had gone way too far to come back now.
“Should I leave or...”
“No,” he said.
“Really? You don’t mind if I... If I spend the night?”
“Lila, we’re headed back out on the trail tomorrow anyway.”
“Right.”
“It makes the most sense if we just go ahead and stay together.”
“I’m going to need to grab some things. I can’t go hiking in a dress. Oh, Nolan, if I don’t go now, I’m going to have to leave here in my dress in the morning.”
“Yes,” he said.
“Oh, that’s what a walk of shame is, isn’t it?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Well, that’s horrifying.”
“You had a date last night. Nobody’s going to know that you’re coming home from my place. Anyway, odds are no one is going to see you.”
“That’s true. So we could also go over there together.”
A little bit of fear tightened his stomach. “Yeah. We could. We could. If that’s what you want.”
“I might. I don’t know.”
Her ice cream was finished, and she had set her bowl on his nightstand. Now she was just leaning against him, and his arms were around her waist.
It was weird. To have gone from never touching her like this, to having not stopped touching her for the last several hours.
The strangest part was that touching her felt infinitely more organic. A hell of a lot more normal.
“We’ll play it by ear tomorrow.”
She nodded. “Okay. I’ll probably want to go home and shower and stuff, actually.”
“Sounds reasonable.”
Of course, she did not actually go home and shower.
Instead, she got in the shower with him, and they got dirty while getting clean, and by the time they were finished, all that was left to do was make a pot of strong coffee and run out the door.
They had a little bit of a schedule they had to keep, since it was a decently long hike in today.
He drove her back to her place, and she didn’t wear her dress, rather she wore one of his T-shirts and an old pair of his gym shorts with the waistband cinched so tight. It was comedic. But this was about the only way he felt like if somebody looked in the vehicle, he wasn’t going to get pegged.
And while he was pretty satisfied with his decision to make Lila his last night, he was less set on how he was going to handle Cody. And he hoped that he wouldn’t have to handle Cody. It was entirely possible that this could remain a secret between Lila and himself.
That this could be part of their relationship. Like trailblazing. Like the way he realized that she was a self-sufficient, competent woman.
There were things that were theirs.
And this was one of them.
Neither of them really intended to have families as far as he knew. Didn’t intend to have long-term relationships.
He could see this being a beneficial arrangement for a long time. When they were between lovers, they could go back to each other.
He ignored the literal growl that echoed through his spirit when he thought of that. The idea of sharing her. Ever.
That made him want to kill somebody.
“Do you want some help getting your things?” he asked as they pulled up to her place.
“Sure.”
He followed her out of the truck, and then into the house.
This time, he followed her down the hallway, to her bedroom.
That too was much softer and cozier than he would have given her credit for.
“Place looks great,” he said.
“Are you making fun of me?”
“I’m absolutely not.” Something hit him then. Something poignant. “I imagine this is the softest space you’ve ever had.”
Her shoulders went stiff. “Well, yeah. I grew up with all boys. And a mom who certainly didn’t make things... Nice.”
“You always shared a room with Walker and Cody, didn’t you?”
“Yeah,” she said.
“Must be nice to have your own space.”
“It is nice.”
“I always figure the place we live is a product of our issues. I mean, my place is pretty compulsively clean for a reason.”
“Oh.” She looked wounded. “I’m sorry that... That must have been really hard. Not being able to control that.”