Chapter 5 We Are Sentenced to Death by Musical Theater
We Are Sentenced to Death by Musical Theater
After breakfast, my cabinmates scattered in different directions—toward the stables, the blacksmith forge, a rock-climbing wall that appeared to be spewing lava….
I simply stood next to one of the dining hall pillars, unsure of what to do next. I guess I should have listened while Argus was reading from his clipboard. Nobody had given me a schedule or offered to show me around camp. Was I supposed to check in somewhere?
Then a voice on the other side of the pillar said, “He wasn’t at role call or breakfast, Clarisse.” It sounded like Silena.
I pressed as close to the pillar as I could. Silena could only be talking about Grant.
“What do you want me to do about it?” Clarisse snapped. “Go out into the forest and track him down myself?”
A boy said, “Argus already has the satyrs and dryads combing the woods.”
“Well, there you go,” Clarisse said. “The kid will turn up.”
The boy scoffed. “You sure you didn’t have something to do with this, Clarisse?”
“What are you implying, Travis?”
Travis—I was pretty sure he was one of the Hermes counselors, and one of the kids who’d been chanting KP.
“He asks a fair question,” said Silena. “Was this because of one of your silly Ares hazing rituals?”
I wanted to leap out from behind the pillar and shout Yes!
Clarisse is an evil mastermind! But 1) I’d get so busted for eavesdropping, and 2) weirdly enough, I didn’t think Clarisse had expected any harm to come to us.
There was a slight quaver in her voice that made me suspect maybe, just maybe, she was worried about Grant too, even if she’d never admit it.
“Look,” Clarisse said, “the kid probably left on his own. You know his mom and stepdad own Red Roost, right? That defense contracting company? They’re gazillionaires.”
My jaw dropped. I’m pretty sure I moaned like a zombie. “Muhhhney.”
Thankfully, Clarisse kept right on talking. “Grant probably decided demigod training was a waste of time. He could’ve walked to the nearest town and called a helicopter to take him back to the family mansion. I’ll bet he’s drinking carbonated peasant tears and playing Call of Duty right now.”
I scowled at that.
Grant didn’t strike me as some spoiled rich boy. And he’d been excited to get to Camp Half-Blood. When we were on the road with Silas, Grant had spent most of the trip sharing fun facts about ancient Greece, down to the hollow benches they used for communal toilets.
That was when I’d realized Grant had no idea what the word fun meant. Still, he wouldn’t have traveled all the way here just to run away.
As Clarisse continued to attack Grant’s character, I dug my fingernails into my palms, forcing myself to stay quiet.
Finally, Silena sighed. “Look, we’ll drop this for now—at least until the satyrs finish searching the woods. But in the meantime, you should double-check with Grant’s mom and stepdad, see if he actually came back home.”
“And freak them out if he didn’t?” Clarisse said in a tone that clearly meant Sorry, nope, not happening. “Let’s wait. The kid may show up. Who knows?”
I couldn’t stand to listen anymore. Before I could do something rash, like charge from behind the pillar and body-check my own counselor, I turned to march away…and ran straight into Argus and his satyr assistant.
“Eeep!” I blurted, and then quickly pasted on my mom-pleasing smile. “I mean, hi!”
Argus sized me up. He seemed even taller up close, and those blue eyes covering his body were definitely real—and all trained on me. “Katie Kim?”
I swallowed big and smiled bigger. “Yes, sir. How can I help you, sir?”
He didn’t return my smile. “Come with me.”
The satyr assistant gave me a pitying look.
As Argus led me toward the Big House, alarm bells were going off in my head. My inner voice was screaming He knows!
Somehow, he’d found out I trespassed in the Wild Zone. Now I was going to get kicked out. I couldn’t let this happen!
I told myself to keep it together, not panic, but I was already strategizing how best to beat expulsion. Cry? Scream? Beg for mercy? Maybe all three?
It’s not that I necessarily wanted to be at this camp, mind you. It’s that I had to be….
The Big House was…well, a big house—a blue Victorian-style mansion with a wraparound porch and a bronze eagle weathervane on the highest gable.
From what I knew of the building, it held the camp infirmary and directors’ offices.
Since I wasn’t injured, I could only assume Argus was taking me to his office—the kind of place you’d take someone if they were about to be kicked out.
I followed Argus up the porch steps. With each one, my heart beat a little louder in my ears. When he opened the door to the parlor, my heart stopped entirely.
Under other circumstances, I might have thought it a cozy-looking room. Two cushy sofas faced a coffee table next to the stone fireplace. Watercolor paintings of Greek ruins decorated the walls. Bookshelves overflowed with paperbacks and board games.
But against the far wall, four wooden chairs had been lined up like in a doctor’s waiting area, and in three of those chairs sat Benny, Zuri, and Harper.
Those stinkin’ sellouts.
They must have told Argus everything! They’d probably blamed our Wild Zone trespass on the Ares cabin—which, okay, fair enough, but I didn’t want to get punished just because my cabinmates were bullies. If I got kicked out…
Hold on.
The other newbies weren’t giving me “stinkin’ sellout” vibes.
None of them looked guilty. In fact, their expressions were as different as their personalities.
Benny’s eyes were as wide as half dollars, like he’d never been in trouble before and had no idea what to expect.
Harper fidgeted nervously, drumming his manicured fingers against his knees and tapping his feet against the floor in a pair of brand-new sneakers.
And Zuri? She was smoldering with anger.
I mean that literally. Wisps of smoke rose from her shirt.
The heat radiating from her seemed directed at me. Almost like…
My mouth fell open.
Did she think I’d ratted them out?
I shook my head and gave her my most innocent look. “No, no!”
“I’m afraid so.” Argus pointed to the empty chair next to Zuri. “Katie, sit. Zuri, these floors are original hardwood and very flammable. Cool it.”
I waited for Zuri’s glowing aura to diminish before I slid onto the chair beside her. She gave me the cold shoulder, which was impressive considering she’d just given me a flaming-hot one. (See what I did there? Much like the harpies, I got dad jokes.)
Argus cracked his knuckles, which fortunately did not have eyeballs on them. “Now, let’s get this unpleasantness over with.”
Benny raised his hand. “Sir, if I could just say one thing on our behalf…”
“No.” All of Argus’s eyes rolled to one side, as if avoiding Benny’s gaze. The swirl of so many blue irises at once made me feel seasick. “The quicker we finish, the quicker you leave.”
I stood. “Mr. Argus, please, sir. We’re new here! If you could just—”
“Katie Kim. Sit. Please.” He had no problem giving me a stern look. “I know you are new. You’ve already gotten in trouble. You’ve been assigned kitchen patrol duty. We can’t have that happen again, and so I’m afraid”—he sighed with deep regret—“you will have to watch the camp’s orientation film.”
I froze in confusion. “The what?”
Harper sat forward in his chair. “You mean you brought us in here to watch a movie?”
Argus scoffed. “Ehh, let’s not disgrace the good name of movies. However, it’s important that you learn the rules of camp.”
“But then why were you acting like we were all in trouble?” Zuri demanded. “I mean…in even more trouble?”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Your satyr assistant gave me that sucks to be you look.”
Argus drew air through his teeth. “That’s probably because Hobart has seen the film. And no, you’re not in more trouble.” His hundred eyes narrowed. “Unless you’ve done something I don’t know about besides breaking curfew.”
All four of us chimed in at once.
“Nope.”
“No.”
“Not at all.”
“Nope.”
“And I assume you don’t know where the other new camper might be? Grant White?” Argus asked.
We gave him another chorus of denials, though this time we were being honest.
“Well, then…” Argus spread his hands. “Just…watch the film. Zuri, I think you especially will hate it. I’ll be waiting in the next room. See you in an hour.”
With that, he turned off the lights and stepped into what appeared to be a broom closet, closing the door behind him.
It didn’t bode well that he knew exactly how long the video lasted, or that he preferred to wait in a closet until it was over. Still, I felt like I’d escaped a terrible fate. How bad could an orientation film be?
A moment later, a white rectangle of light shimmered into existence in front of us, hovering in midair, projected from nowhere. A scratchy fanfare played over a title card that flickered with orange block letters: Welcome to Camp Half-Blood!
The screen filled with an extreme close-up of a handsome man’s face—perfect white teeth, bronze tan, blue eyes, curly golden hair.
“Oh, no,” Zuri murmured. She slouched low and brought up a hand to shield her eyes.
The camera zoomed back to show the rest of the man. He lounged at the camp’s fire pit, wearing only a skimpy white tunic and sandals, manspreading to a degree that should have been illegal.
“It burns my eyes,” Harper complained.
Benny frowned. “Is that…?”
“Hello, I’m Apollo.” The handsome man winked at the camera.
“You may know me from the Oracle of Delphi, my triple-platinum album Nine with the Muses, or the plague I visited upon the Greeks during the Trojan War. But don’t worry!
Here at Camp Half-Blood, the only plague you’ll have to worry about is infectious fun! ”
“Kill me now,” groaned Zuri.
“Before I give you a personal tour,” continued Apollo, “I’d like to set the mood with a poem by me, recited dramatically by…me.”
It only got worse from there.
Benny, Harper, and I glanced at Zuri, trying to convey how sorry we were. I imagine we’d all had experiences with embarrassing parents, but nothing like this. Zuri tented her hands over with her eyes, trying to avoid looking at us or her dad.
We quickly realized Apollo wasn’t just the opening act.
He was pretty much the entire film. He explained the camp rules in the form of limericks.
He gave us a Shakespearean soliloquy about personal hygiene and shower times.
Benny, Harper, and I did our best to take it seriously, but when Apollo quick-changed into a flashy gold suit and started tap-dancing across the dining pavilion tables while singing “Marble may be marble-ous…” we busted out laughing.
“He’s the worst,” Zuri muttered, but even she was trying to suppress a mortified smile.
Honestly, the film wasn’t even that funny. I think we all cracked up so much because we were releasing our nervous energy from the night before. We were relieved to be alive, to still be at camp, and to be around people who weren’t out to get us. That’s how I felt, anyway.
When the film finally ended, we applauded politely. The glowing screen disappeared, and Argus emerged from his closet with an amused smirk. “Hey, look at that. Nobody tried to jump out the window.”
“That was an option?” Harper asked.
The rest of us laughed, including Argus.
“Any questions?” he asked, though the pained look on his face told me the correct answer was no.
“No,” we said in unison.
“Very well.” He motioned toward the front door. “Go on, then, and no more curfew-breaking! Enjoy the camp. Get your first lessons.”
Benny, Harper, and Zuri hustled toward the exit, but I took my time getting out of my chair.
“You all right there, Katie?” Argus asked. “Did you have a question?”
I had plenty, but none I could ask him.
“I just…I don’t know where to go,” I said. “Nobody gave me a class schedule.”
Argus smiled kindly. “You choose your own activities here. What do you like to do?”
I blinked, baffled. Nobody had ever asked me that. Since as far back as I could remember, Mom had just made me do whatever Olivia did…at least until I failed at it.
“I…” I frowned. “Is there a jigsaw puzzle class? Or crossword puzzle seminar? I’m really good at solo activities.”
Argus chuckled. “Maybe it’s time to branch out. A lot of new students start with Greek language studies. Demigods tend to pick that up quite easily.”
I shook my head. “I’m already fluent. Is there any class that might make this whole transition process easier?”
I hoped he didn’t hear the catch in my voice, or sense how lost I really felt.
“Hmm.” Argus stroked his eyeball-covered chin. “Maybe Pantheon Politics?”
I wrinkled my nose. “Politics?”
“It helps you understand why the gods do what they do.” Argus tapped his skull. “Gets you into their heads.”
“Into their heads…” I stroked my own eyeball-free chin. “Where’s that held?”
“Third floor.” He pointed above us. Then he started stacking the four chairs that had been arranged for the film.
Four.
My heart ached when I realized there should have been five.
Again, Argus noticed my hesitation and faced me. “Anything else, Katie?”
I wrung my hands. “Well…earlier you asked us if we knew where Grant was. Is the search going that badly?”
It must be impossible to play poker when you have a hundred eyes. There’s no way at least one won’t give you away. In Argus’s case, every single eye seemed to look in a different direction, as if trying to avoid my question.
“I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about,” he said. “We haven’t found any sign of Grant in our searches yet, but that’s a good thing.”
I arched an eyebrow. “How is that a good thing?”
“It’s better to find no camper than half of one.”
My stomach lurched. I wasn’t sure if Argus was attempting to lighten the mood with humor, but if so, he wasn’t much better at it than Apollo.
He clapped me on the shoulder. “You just enjoy camp and let me do the worrying, all right?” In case that wasn’t clear enough, he pointed above us. “Seriously. Pantheon Politics.”
And so, I turned and climbed the stairs.
It wouldn’t be the worst idea to learn how to think like the gods, I figured. Especially if I wanted to survive life with their relatives.