Chapter 27
Once outside, I kicked off the boots and did the only thing I knew to douse the fire Jordon’s heat had stoked to an absolute inferno. I headed to the woods and ran back to the manor, taking the long way through the forest and into my chambers through the open French doors.
I fell onto the bed. My body was still burning with the need.
The run did nothing to sate the demands my powers were making of me.
I stripped off my clothes to fulfill myself.
I ran my fingers over the swollen flesh of my pussy.
Hard, determined strokes did nothing to ease the rampant lust. My clit was throbbing, my nipples tight and warm, and nothing but Jordan’s touch would quench this.
My own touches were doing nothing to take the edge off.
I saw Jordan in my mind, pictured him with me, on me, touching me, fucking me. The aching intensified.
I rolled myself in the down spread and felt my body quiver with need. I had never felt so alone, so out of control.
“Priestess?” Jordan’s voice was low and beckoning.
I sprang up to my knees and made sure I was covered. “What do you want?” I hated being so out of control. I always had, and this was the most out of control I had ever been. My own body was running rampant with no inclination to respond to what my head had to say.
“I…you called to me. In my mind.” His stern face looked angry in the moonlight. I had been fantasizing about him. I must have dropped my barrier to his mind reading.
“Arrgg,” I growled. “I hate being this out of control.” I fell back on the bed, glared at the ceiling.
I heard a thump. “I brought your boots. I’ll go.” He started to leave. “Keena, you’ll have to follow your nature at some point.”
“I just wish I had more control over this crap.” I clung to the covers for comfort.
“You have all the control you want over it.” He stood motionless in the doorway, trying not to be so big, so overpowering, and doing a very bad job of it. His silk shirt shimmered in the moonlight, highlighting the shape of his shoulders and chest. I had to look away.
“Just how is this supposed to be control? I turn into a fire-eating dragon every time I’m around you.”
His eyebrows rose. “Dragon?” He shook his head. “Do you have this reaction to all men?”
I thought about that. It wasn’t all men. Not Manus or any of the other men in the gym today. None of the men in the bar had sent me into overdrive the way the huge half Demon did. “No.”
“Then it’s only men you’re attracted to. Isn’t that control?”
“Not conceited at all, are you?” I rolled away from him, fighting the urge to grab him and pull him to me.
“Close your thoughts to me, Keena, before I lose my mind to your fantasies. I can only restrain myself so much.”
God. I was driving him crazy along with myself. I fought to build the mental block back up. “I’m so sorry, Jordan. I just…”
“I’ll leave.”
“No. Don’t.” I had to sate this need. He was right. They were all right. It was a part of who I truly was and I had to accept it.
“Keena, you’re not ready. Call me when you are, and I’ll come to you. I’m not such a beast that I’d take you unwillingly. I don’t want you to hate yourself or me for this.”
He was gone before I could turn over and run to the open door. Damn. Damn. Damn.
I ran another cold bath and plunged myself into it.
He was right. I had to face this attraction when I was calm and decide what to do about it.
The coolness of the water helped. Sliding completely under, I let it cool my whole body.
I had to have more control over myself. I had been raised white-bread middle-American.
Church on Sundays. Good little girls don’t just fling themselves at men and hop into bed.
My body wanted it so badly, but how could I just let go? I didn’t even know his last name.
“Keena.” It was Abbey’s timid voice at the door Jordan had left through.
“You set me up, you little bitch.” I tried to sound angry but it didn’t happen.
She poked her head around the door of the bathroom. “I’m sorry. Manus told me about him this afternoon. We thought if you just had some time out with him you’d—”
“What? Climb into bed with him? I can’t do it, Abbey.
I know I’m not exactly who I was months ago, but I’m still somewhat that person.
Casual sex was never for me.” She had come all the way into the bathroom and tilted her head at me, questioning.
“I can’t explain it to you other than to say it’s just not me. ”
She climbed up to the edge of the huge tub, straightening her little silver skirt as she crossed her legs.
“You’re right, I don’t understand. But I’m not so stupid that I can’t see that it’s important to you.
I’ll try. I don’t know how to help you. Your body is going to keep upping the stakes, wild one.
Your power needs the exchange with others.
We’re going to have to figure out something. ”
She was right, and I knew it. I started to agree, but heard my bedroom door crash open, and Hogan came rushing in.
“Keena, get out of the tub!” He was panting, his eyes bulging. “Manus was attacked. He’s hurt!”
I was out of the tub, and he had me dressed in record time. We rushed to the healing room. Jasmine and the scent of healing herbs filled the waiting area. It was quiet except for the chanting from the far room down the hall.
Doran met us before we went in to see Manus. “Looks like a Gremlin attack, but it’s hard to tell.”
“How bad is he?” I was starting to walk around her to go to him, but Doran stopped me.
“Had to be several of them.” She was trying to keep the worry off her face.
She’d tried for a blank expression, but I saw everything in her eyes.
I felt my heart sink as I looked into those eyes.
“Keena.” She looked down. Abbey grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze, a show of support.
“He’s been cut up…badly. Bevin is with him right now, let her do her magic. ”
I realized I was holding my breath and had to exhale before speaking. “How badly?” She didn’t answer. “I left him less than an hour ago. How badly?”
She wouldn’t raise her head. “It’s bad, Keena.”
The room started to spin and I felt weak. I tried to focus on something. Anything. The chair in the corner seemed to be perfect. Neutral, plain and unemotional. I took in a deep breath. “What happened?” I was surprised it came out.
She put her hand on my arm to steady me. “We’re not sure. Jordan is looking into it. Looks like he was attacked on his way home from the club. We’ll figure that out. You need to sit.”
Yeah. Sit. I didn’t think I could stand anymore. She ushered me to the neutral chair in the corner that I had suddenly found a great fondness for. I admired that chair as we moved to it.
Manus was just beyond a slightly opened door. I heard the chanting coming from the room. I heard Bevin’s soothing voice mingled with a couple of others. The scent of the herbs drifted from the little room into the hall.
I was numb. I couldn’t lose Manus. He was my rock, my friend. He’d held me together as I accepted this new life. He’d held me together through my human life when he was just my cat. Manus had been my sanity, my joy and my strength for so long. I’d loved him most of my life.
Abbey got up in my lap, and I held her. We rocked together with the rhythm of Bevin’s chanting and just held each other.
We didn’t need to say anything, didn’t want to break the healing power of the Witches in the other room.
Doran paced back and forth along the far side of the open waiting area.
Her steps made no noise. Her face was blank, showing no expression. I held tight to my friend.
The chanting had drifted into a low, melodious tone, and the aroma of the herbs and incense was so strong it was choking.
I couldn’t keep thinking about how hurt he must be.
I had to do something, anything. “It had to be a planned attack,” I said softly to Doran.
She stopped pacing and turned to me. “A couple of troublemakers at a bar wouldn’t have taken him down.
” She shook her head once at me. “How do we know it’s Gremlins? ”
“Bites.”
“Bites?”
“There are several stab wounds, but the bites are definitely Gremlin.” She started to pace again. “Jordan will give me a full report later. I’d ask you to join us…”
“I can manage this, Doran. I have to be part of this.”
“I can’t have this investigation fumbled because you can’t control your—” She took in a deep breath. I looked down, embarrassed that she knew about it already as well. I hated the fact that everybody knew every fucking thing about my life at that moment.
“How does everybody know about this?” No one answered. It didn’t matter. “I’ll control it, Doran. I can’t sit back and let this go. I have to be a part of it. I have to help Manus.”
“You can’t control it, Keena.” She held my gaze. “You’ll help Manus by being at his side. I’ll take care of the investigation. You are not to go off and take this into your own hands. I’ll not have you endangering anyone else as you did on your little trip to Thule.”
“He’s hurt because of me, Doran,” I said.
She spun and stepped closer, the blank gaze gone, replaced with anger, maybe disappointment. I couldn’t tell. “He’s hurt because he left your side in public. He’s hurt because he was trying to placate your sensibilities to sex.” She turned away again.
I was stunned. He should have left the club with me. He didn’t because he thought Jordan and I had left together. Fuck. Abbey hugged me tighter. Her face was buried in my shoulder and I felt her start to shake. I rubbed her back, more for my comfort than hers.
Doran turned back to me. “I’m sorry, Keena. That wasn’t fair.”
“But it’s true.” I leaned back in the uncomfortable chair and closed my eyes.
“I’ll figure out what to do about my…sensibilities.
” I didn’t exactly know what. I couldn’t continue this way either.
My body running my mind was unacceptable.
Things were too messed up. Feldema and I still had to fight on All Hallows’.
I had to deal with the fact that I couldn’t fulfill my bargain with Karackos, and the Slaugh were getting restless without their king or Nessum.
All this—and all my brain could concentrate on was my libido. I had to get myself through this.
We were all quiet again, listening to the soothing chants of Bevin and her coven.
I thought back to my human life, to my old job.
I led a large group of computer geeks through impossible deadlines and months of overtime and stress.
I was the organizer, the motivation for the group.
I was the one who held everyone else together.
Why was it that now I felt like I was the one who needed to be held together?
I had lost my ability to manage and control.
Here, things were life and death instead of the threat of a loss in the stock market, but the situations called for the same leadership and skills.
Stop and analyze the situation and put together a plan of action.
I could do that. I had to have the same faith in myself here, as Keena, as I had in Mary Hughes in the business world.
I had to…for Manus and for myself. I had to take control.