12. The Prince’s Offer #3
Could I survive something like that?
I couldn’t think of a solution even after we’d returned to the Vesperfort Palace, even after I left Leif in his room and returned to mine. Perhaps the seer of Jarlstead could concoct some potion for me? I would have to tell her about the mark, though.
But then, would she tell my father about it? She served the gods, not my father, but they were lifelong friends. What if she said something to him?
My father would disown me, and I would be shunned by my clan, if not exiled ... My life would be over.
I lay on my bed until the break of dawn and finally slipped into a troubled slumber.
Damien’s Diary Entry, Day 7
June 19, Waning Gibbous,
Yesterday Fenris told me he wanted to let the mark fade when I brought him the scent mask.
He had looked like a mess when he opened the door for me, but in a very ...
sexy kind of way. The war braids were loosened, and his long hair was tousled and slightly dampened with sweat around his forehead.
His nightshirt hung loosely over his broad frame, the wide collar sliding down one shoulder, revealing a large expanse of his chest. The sweat beads glistened faintly on his sun-kissed skin, making me want to lick and bite and...
Oh for fuck’s sake get a grip Damien!
It took me some effort to convince him that it was necessary for him to get close to me, to scent me.
And though as I approached him, the fiery spark in his eyes made me think he was going to punch me or murder me, at least he didn’t step back.
I reached out for him, as carefully as someone about to poke a tiger, and pulled him into an embrace.
I wrapped my arms tightly around him, feeling the dormant power in his body, knowing how strong he was.
When he relaxed into me, a wave of immeasurable satisfaction washed over my mind, and I had to restrain myself from wanting to bite him and claim him again ...
This beautiful man was mine ... a primal voice continued to whisper in my mind.
The knowledge that he was an alpha like me, an alpha who shared these instincts, yet he willingly submitted to me, nagging at my instinct to lunge at him, take him, conquer him, lock him, hide him from the world, make him mine and mine only ...
But I hid all these dark thoughts well, because if he could hear even a small part of my depraved fantasies, I was sure he would bash my head in.
“I hate you,” he said in a resigned, yet relieved voice.
“I know.” I chuckled. His annoyance was so adorable.
But then, once Fenris quenched his thirst for my scent and my touch, he told me he didn’t want to be my mate.
It hurt a little, but I understood. As the future Jarl of Winterthrope, admitting to having a relationship with another alpha would be detrimental to his reputation and leadership, not to mention that he was the receiver of the mark.
Even if we were in love, we would have to keep it a secret, which wouldn’t work in the long run.
I wanted to respect his wishes and let the mark fade, I truly did. I even resolved to woo his brother just so I could help him manage the symptoms of Lovelorn disease.
On the barge to Yarrow’s recital, I showered Leif with my attention.
Partially because I wanted to make my intentions clear, and partly to piss off Lovel and my mother.
Though, another small part of me (or maybe the largest part, if I’m being honest) wanted to ...
I don’t know, maybe get Fenris jealous? I knew how fucked up it was, but I just ...
I wanted some reaction from him, I guess.
However, after the first two dances, I noticed Fenris had left. Immediately, I lost all interest in dancing more with other doe-eyed omegas. I excused myself and left the salon, but soon found Fenris outside, on the deck, dancing with John under the starlight. Letting John take the lead, no less.
It took all my fortitude to press down a growl.
My primal brain was bellowing: How dare he let another person touch him like that, and lead him like that? There was only one person allowed to lead him and that was me!
I mean, I saw how he smirked at John rakishly during the dinner party, but I thought ... after what happened in the bathhouse, surely he knew he was mine?!
I barely contained my irrational anger and told Johnathan the ship master was looking for him. If only he knew how close I was to challenging him into a duel for laying hands on my mate ...
The mate bond’s effect was accentuated by my alpha territorial instinct, and the effect was strong ... But was it truly all the mate bond? Didn’t I already want to conquer Fenris before I even claimed him?
After John left, I made my claim on him clear, telling him that he was mine and he shouldn’t have done that with John, even though I knew how petulant I sounded, especially after we’d agreed the mate bond was just an accident and we should let it fade.
Understandably, Fenris was not happy about my attitude, at all.
“Well, too bad, Your Highness. The moon doesn’t revolve around you. I can do whatever I want with anyone I want. You have no authority over me!” he growled right back at me.
I wanted to pin him to the deck and show him who his master was right then and there, but luckily, I still had my sanity in check, so instead, I told him that I was wooing his brother for his sake, but I totally didn’t have to, and he would be left alone to deal with Lovelorn disease by himself without me.
He totally should have shown more gratitude.
It wasn’t very chivalrous, I know, but I was in the heat of anger, and I wasn’t proud of myself.
But then, something in Fenris’s eyes changed. The irritation was gone, replaced by shock and wariness. He grabbed my wrist and asked forcefully, “What do you mean? You are not courting my brother because you like him?”
How was I supposed to like another when he had completely taken over my mind?
! But of course I couldn’t admit that ...
So I told him, in a calmer voice, of my intention to become his ally through wooing his brother.
I thought he would agree to such an arrangement, after all, that’s why they were here.
But the fear and anger in Fenris’s eyes deepened, and he told me that he wouldn’t sacrifice his brother’s happiness.
He hadn’t shown fear for anything, except when it was about his brother. He cared about Leif with all his heart, and that ... reminded me of the kind of brotherly love Valerian and I once shared, the kind that I’d lost.
I stared at Fenris, suddenly feeling a rush of affection toward him. Before I made a fool of myself again, I hastily left.
Later on, I witnessed that brotherly love again, when Lovel and Cassandra tried to publicly embarrass Leif, believing a northern clan omega wouldn’t know how to sing or perform like an educated southern omega usually could.
I went to Leif’s aid, trying to shoot it down, but Fenris did something better.
He whispered something with Leif, and I saw a calmness and confidence come over to Leif, who had been as nervous as a deer caught in torchlight merely moments ago.
My heart pounded hard when I watched Fenris hang the drum over his hip and begin to play.
Leif’s dance was powerful and mesmerizing, capturing every single soul in the audience.
Yet, all I could see was Fenris. How he wielded those two drum mallets with the ease and grace of wielding his axes, except with less anger or ferocity, more freedom and simple happiness, almost child-like.
I rarely saw him smile like that, as if the milky way had fallen into his icy blue irises, as if his entire being was glowing, as if he and the drumbeat had merged into one, thumping heavily in my chest.
I think I realized I wanted him then. Not only to claim him or possess him, but to cherish him, and make him smile as freely as he did when playing the drum under the willow.
And that was why I knew I had to tell Leif the truth: I couldn’t love him, for my heart was already taken.