27. All Good Things （Come to an End） #3
“I ... um ... since we used the mate bond in The Games, I can somewhat sense where you are. Like, when I thought about you, I felt a subtle pull in a direction, like it’s brighter there, and when I followed the pull, I found you,” he said softly, looking almost sheepish. “Did you feel it, too?”
“No.” I lied. I’d felt it since yesterday but was too overwhelmed to care.
It didn’t matter anymore.
The way his shoulders slightly slumped in disappointment almost made me tell him the truth, but I bit those words back and said in a disinterested tone, “I didn’t need you to defend me. I’m not some helpless damsel.”
“Fenris, what’s wrong?” He frowned, noticing my offish attitude.
“What’s wrong?” I scoffed acerbically. “What’s not wrong? I failed my mission of finding an ally, Leif was hurt, and my life is going to shit. Need me to continue?”
“Hey,” he tried to hold my hand, but I stepped out of his reach. He sighed and said, “We’ll figure this out.”
“There is no we!” I snapped. “You should just leave me alone!”
“I can’t!” He blurted angrily, “You are my mate!”
“We’ll never be mates!” I hissed with a sneer. “I should never have let you mark me! It was the biggest mistake of my fucking life!”
Damien flinched. It was the first time I saw him have that look of hurt on his face, almost like a kid who had been slapped by their parent for the first time. Such a strong contrast to his usual dominant, if not devilish, demeanour.
Another jab of guilt reverberated in my chest, but I had to uphold my cold veneer. I needed to push him away, so at least he’d stay away and be safe, from me.
“Now, go. If you know what’s good for you,” I turned around, not wanting to witness the damage my words had done.
It turned out Damien didn’t know what was good for him either.
“No,” Damien’s voice was strained, but the vulnerability that had leaked out of his countenance was gone. He glared at me with unyielding fortitude and said, “You don’t get to tell me what to do. We’ve established it’s the other way around.”
“Oh fuck off! I’m not playing your dirty little game anymore!”
He suddenly advanced and stepped into my personal space. His scent shrouded me like the mist of opium, dissolving my resolution inch by inch.
“You are mine, and you want to be mine. You know you do,” Damien said in a commanding tone, yet I detected a stretch of pleading hiding behind his eyes, hanging at the edge of his words. “Don’t push me away, Fenris. I’ll sort this out, just give me some time!”
“I’m leaving tonight.” I spoke in a rigid tone, as if giving an order to my soldiers. “Tomorrow, I want you to go to your Mate Selection Ball and select yourself an omega mate, like you were supposed to do, and forget we ever met.”
His eyes widened in shock. “Tonight?”
“Yes.”
“You can’t just leave! What about the mark? Lovelorn disease?”
“I’ll handle it.”
“You can’t! You’ll put yourself in great danger if you carry that burden into a battle with vampires. I won’t allow it!” he said through his teeth, his body tensing up, as though anticipating a fight. “I swear I’ll have you locked up!”
I scowled at him, challenging him with a gravelly, warning voice. “You can try.”
He breathed heavily, the veins on his temples slightly raised. Just as I thought he was going to lunge at me, something in him seemed deflated. He took a deep breath, pressing down some emotion I couldn’t read, and said, “Just like that? You don’t even care if I marry someone else?”
“I told you before, who you choose to marry is none of my business,” I said frigidly, trying to swallow down the cotton-like sensation that seemed to be stuck in my throat. “That’s the least of my concerns now.”
He fixed his gaze on me for a long moment, and I couldn’t tell if the tempest blustering in the depths of his eyes was anger, heartbreak, or disappointment. Maybe all of them. Maybe even some sorrow.
Eventually, he stepped back. His voice was raspy with repressed emotions. “If that’s really what you want, then so be it.”
And then, he turned to leave. Almost immediately, I felt something between us was ... blocked, not completely severed, but still, once he was out of sight, I couldn’t sense him anymore.
Perhaps my rejection and his disappointment had weakened our bond, reverting it to the state it was in before The Games, before we used it to help each other. It was exactly what I wanted.
So why did I feel like someone had hollowed everything out of me? Why did it hurt so much?
Damien’s Diary Entry, Day 24
July 7, Waxing Gibbous,
It doesn’t matter anymore …
Fenris told me he was leaving tonight, before the Mate Selection Ball. He told me he had regretted letting me mark him. He no longer wanted to be my mate anymore.
I tried to tell him just to wait a little, until I could sort things out, but he wouldn’t even try. He has already given up on us.
How could I blame him? I have turned his life upside-down. If he has made up his mind to leave, how do I stop him? Lock him in my room? Hide him forever?
This is all pointless … Why am I even writing this …