28. One More Night
ONE MORE NIGHT
When I returned, Leif was waiting in my room, sitting on the windowsill, leafing through a book absentmindedly. He was wearing a white nightgown, looking pale and fragile, as though he were made of porcelain.
I hoped the mess I made here wouldn’t tarnish his reputation. I promised to send him to Sirencester Academy, but after this ... would Father ever listen to me again? What if he decided to marry Leif to some random brute jarl to secure alliances from the North instead?
I couldn’t let that happen ... I’d do anything necessary to make sure that wouldn’t be his fate.
“Leif, you should catch some sleep. We’ll set out at around four in the morning,” I said, dropping my satchel on the floor with my other luggage.
“Fenris ...” Leif began. “I think we should stay until after the ball.”
I blinked in surprise, saying, “Huh? Why?”
“If we leave now, we will forever be branded as cowards, deserters, running away with our tails between our legs, and that reputation would stick with us and our clan for a very, very long time,” he said, his expression tranquil and level-headed.
“It’s only one more day left. After the ball tomorrow, we can leave with our pride and honour intact. ”
I scoffed bitterly. “Pride and honour? What honour do I have left?”
“Do you care about the person who marked you?” Leif asked.
I gaped at him, unsure where the question came from. “Does it matter?”
“Yes, it matters.” He stood up and stepped closer, looking deeply into my eyes. “Tell me the truth, Brother. Do you regret letting that person mark you, knowing all the consequences?”
The way he looked at me made me wonder if he had suddenly acquired some seer’s quality and could see the colour of my soul.
I should say that I regret my action, which jeopardized everything we’d been tasked with accomplishing.
I should repent for my unwise impulses that ruined both of our lives.
But the words didn’t sit right on my tongue.
I remembered every moment in that bathhouse, the way Damien looked at me, kissed me, embraced me, possessed me ...
I loved every second of it. It was more than just lust, but something I had craved, something I was told I shouldn’t have wanted, something I had denied myself my whole life, and yet it was freely offered.
He saw me in a way that no one had seen me, and he liked it.
He wanted me, cared for me, as though I was ... cherished.
He had bought me a candied apple, had taken me to the secret spot to watch fireworks, had shielded an arrow for me, had challenged me in every aspect, yet had shown me respect. He took me to places I had never dreamt of, showed me that I didn’t have to be ashamed of my desires.
Did I regret any of it?
“No,” I said, “I don’t regret any of it.”
“Then your pride and honour are unharmed,” Leif said firmly.
An air of resolution and power permeated his countenance.
“I may not understand what you’ve been through, just like you couldn’t always understand me, but you didn’t submit in exchange for favours or benefits.
You did it from your heart. And that’s what matters. ”
His delicate appearance often made me forget that sometimes, he was much stronger and braver than I was.
“It’ll be a torturous experience,” I said glumly. “We’ll be a joke in their eyes.”
“Well, it’s not like they can laugh us to death.” Leif shrugged. “And we get to fill our bellies with their fine wine and food before our long, arduous journey home.”
I chuckled, and suddenly felt much more relieved.
Since my mark had been exposed, one of my biggest fears was that Leif would reject me, seeing me in the same way others did. But now I knew I hadn’t given him enough credit.
And he indeed had a point. A Winterthrope warrior should never slink away like a beaten dog. We had fought formidable foes by ourselves, bled and sacrificed to keep the vampires at bay. We would never run away from a battle, and if we promised to see something through, we’d deliver on our promise.
The ball would commence around seven in the evening, but the preparations would start as early as eight in the morning.
At breakfast, the chamberlain would send a tutor to visit each candidate, to instruct them about the procedures, rules, and etiquette of the ball.
The tutor sent to our apartment, Lady Lucille, looked surprised when I opened the door for her.
She probably expected we’d already left, just like all the servants who had failed to bring us refreshments or breakfast this morning.
The instruction was expectedly boring and unexpectedly long.
I couldn’t hold back a yawn by the second hour, since I didn’t sleep much last night, and as a result, received a glare from Lady Lucille, sharp enough to cut.
However, Leif was a much more endearing student and picked up things quickly, which made up for my tardiness.
The hardest part was probably the dancing.
There were social dances in which you would dance in pairs, changing partners several times during the process.
The moves were not difficult, but they changed too much, and I always got confused about which direction I should move.
By the end of it, Lady Lucille pretty much gave up on me and focused on Leif.
That was fine by me. I wasn’t preparing to participate in any of these dreadful social dances at the ball anyway.
Following the social dance, a more private and intimate duet dance would take place. This was the most important dance of the night because Damien would make a choice that everyone had been anticipating: whomever he chose to have the first dance would be his chosen mate.
A bitter taste lingered in my mouth as I listened to Lady Lucille’s instruction. She didn’t even bother to glance in my direction, focusing solely on teaching Leif the steps.
It wasn’t so different from what Johnathan had shown me on the barge. I watched Lady Lucille and Leif dance in circles, wondering who Damien would choose.
Lovel? That was the most likely guess. Eclipse would be the strongest ally one could dream of. With their support, Damien would surely be chosen as the heir to the Nocturne throne.
I suddenly regretted agreeing to stay for one more day. I didn’t really want to watch Damien choose another ... The mere thought already twisted my entrails into a knot, making me want to break something in the room.
Why did I put myself through this bullshit?
On the other hand, maybe it was a good thing.
Watching Damien ask for another’s hand in marriage might finally kill my impractical fancies and hopes.
It would be painful, but at least it was a form of closure.
Then I could just go back to my miserable life, trying to survive Lovelorn disease, fighting vampires, and hoping my father wouldn’t exile me for the humiliation I had brought to him and the entire clan.
When Lady Lucille concluded the class, it was already past noon.
We had a simple lunch before Leif had to take a long bath and dress up for the ball.
Thyra was there to help him, while I was told to get out of the way.
I heard it was a meticulous, tedious process, and I was grateful that, as an alpha, I didn’t need to go through all that.
I stayed in my room mostly during the afternoon, wanting to minimize the chance of running into anyone from Eclipse.
However, as evening was fast approaching, I found it was impossible to find any servant to bring me some bathwater so I could clean myself and be presentable during the ball, as all of them were running around like headless chickens, busying themselves helping other more prominent royal guests, especially the omegas and female beta candidates.
Eventually, I gave up and decided to go to the bathhouse. When everyone in the palace was busying primping themselves, I expected the bathhouse to be mostly empty.
I was right. The male alpha changing room was entirely deserted. I quickly stripped off my clothes and wrapped a loincloth around my waist before entering the pool for alphas.
The pool was empty, too, except for the warm steam dancing like nymphs. I stood there, staring at a spot along the stairs that descended into the pool. Heated memories of my last time here intruded on my thoughts, even though I had told myself a thousand times not to think about it.
Flashbacks of Damien’s dark, dangerous eyes, his hungry, consuming lips, his demanding, possessive touches ...
they came to me like an unstoppable deluge.
My body tingled with longing before I could cut the thoughts.
I hurriedly went to the smaller cold water pool and sank myself into it, trying to force a sliver of sense back into my mind and body.
I submerged myself in the cold water, holding my breath for as long as I could. I’d learnt how to dive into a deep lake to catch fish since I was merely six years old, so I could stay down there as long as three minutes.
I waited until my lungs screamed at me to breathe. But when I broke the water’s surface, someone was standing before the pool.
Damien’s older brother, Prince Valerian, fully clad in his resplendent banquet robe, peered down at me with an unreadable, if not cold, expression.