9. Nine #2
Once the server had delivered our drinks, I assumed the conversation would turn to the event. I was wrong.
Terribly wrong.
“So, what do you guys plan to do about this?” Bree asked as she leaned forward on her elbows and moved her finger between Wylie and me. I hadn’t been expecting her to go that route, so I was understandably thrown.
“Um … what are you referring to?” I asked. Out of the corner of my eye, I realized that Wylie’s cheeks had caught fire. She was blushing, just how I remembered her blushing, but now it was somehow adorable instead of grating.
Damn my mother. Why did she have to be right about absolutely everything?
“The sexual tension bubbling up at this table,” Bree replied.
I forgot about Wylie’s blushing and tried to keep my eyes from bugging out of my head. “What now?” I was certain I’d misheard her.
“Oh, that’s cute.” Bree snorted, then pulled her arm away from Brody when he tried to wrap his fingers around her wrist. “Stop.”
“We agreed to leave them alone,” Brody reminded her in a low voice.
“Yes, well, I changed my mind.”
Brody’s eyes narrowed as he studied his wife’s pretty profile. “You mean that you just said what you thought I wanted to hear and always had this particular plan of attack waiting in the wings.”
“I believe that’s what I said,” Bree agreed. She shot what she likely thought was a winning smile in my direction. I didn’t want her winning anything, though. “So … where do things stand between the two of you?” she pressed.
“As to what?” I asked, reaching for my beer. I had a feeling I knew where this was going, but I couldn’t be certain.
“As to you two being able to eat a meal together without pulling each other’s hair.”
Well, that actually wasn’t where I thought she was going.
I assumed she was going to ask if something romantic was going on between us.
Why I’d jumped to that conclusion was a mystery, however.
Why would they think something was going on with us?
Because it wasn’t. There wasn’t even a little something going on between us.
We had a negative factor in that department.
“We’re fine,” I said without thinking.
Wylie shot me a narrow-eyed look.
“Right?” I prodded when she didn’t say anything.
“We’re great,” she said in a voice that couldn’t be taken as anything but sarcastic. “We’re going to hold hands around a campfire and sing Kumbaya.”
Now it was my turn to glare. “Oh, don’t turn it into a thing.”
“I’m not turning it into a thing,” she fired back. “You already turned it into a thing.”
“Oh, this is just like when you were 14, and that guy told you that Battlestar Galactica was more believable than Star Trek.”
“First off, he said that the original Battlestar Galactica, the one from the 1970s, was more believable than Star Trek: The Next Generation. Second of all, this is nothing like that. He was wrong, and I was right.”
She seemed to realize what she’d said after the fact. “Actually, you’re right. This is just like that.”
“I can’t believe somebody would say that the original Battlestar Galactica was better than Next Generation,” Nathan complained out of nowhere. “That is just utter crap. I mean, the reboot Battlestar Galactica was great. It wasn’t better than Next Generation, though.”
I thought he was done, but he continued. “Well, actually, if you look at the first season of Next Generation, that was objectively terrible. I don’t hold it against the rest of the show because they were clearly finding their footing. It’s bad, though.”
“So bad,” Brody agreed.
“They only had the original show to use as a blueprint,” Wylie argued. Her voice was soft and respectful. “While I agree that the first season isn’t great, they did a lot of world-building that season.”
“Plus, Troi’s uniform was uber hot,” Nathan added. “I mean …” He made a lewd gesture, as if working his hands around a woman’s silhouette. Then he winked at his wife. “You should consider that uniform for this Halloween.”
Bella made a face. “I’m going as a sexy Jason Voorhees. I already told you that.”
“What if I want to go as Jason Voorhees?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I already claimed him. You can go as Art the clown or something.”
“No way. I’m not painting this handsome face.” He ran his hand along his jawline.
I couldn’t believe we were actually having this conversation. “We’re not fighting,” I informed Bree, who looked a little too smug for my liking. “We’re fine. We had a conversation, and we’re absolutely perfect. Tell her,” I ordered Wylie.
Wylie didn’t acquiesce. Gone was the teenage girl who would do whatever I said. In her place was a very mad woman. She grunted out something that sounded like utter nonsense, with random raspberries thrown in for good measure.
“What the hell was that?” Bree asked, looking taken aback.
“Klingon,” Brody replied, smiling. “That was very good pronunciation, Wylie. I’m impressed.”
Wylie dragged her glare from me and looked at him. “You know Klingon?”
“Yes, and that was a lovely insult.”
“How do you know Klingon?” Bree challenged.
“I was part of a club when I was in middle school,” Brody replied.
“Oh, so you were a geek.” Bree made a face. “I knew it.”
Thank you! I wanted to scream it from the rafters. It was a totally geeky thing to know.
“It’s good that I’m turned on by geeks, though,” she continued. “Can you talk dirty to me in Klingon when we get home tonight?” She legitimately looked intrigued at the prospect.
“Absolutely,” he promised, leaning in. “I know dirty talk. I was convinced I would find a woman who knew Klingon to chat with me at one point, so I learned all the dirty words.”
“Oh, you poor, deluded thing.” Bree leaned in for a kiss.
I was so confused. When I looked up at Wylie, I realized she was watching them with wistful yearning. Did she feel left out or something? This whole thing was crazy.
“You can’t speak Klingon, can you?” I demanded of Nathan. If he started talking in Klingon, I was out of here. I didn’t need friends.
“Alas, no.” Nathan shrugged. “I don’t have a good ear for languages.”
That was something at least.
“I can recite the entire spell to summon the dead in Evil Dead, though,” he said out of the blue. “It’s in Latin.”
“Ooh!” Bella’s hand shot into the air. “I can do all the ones from Cabin in the Woods and Drag Me to Hell.”
“Oh, that’s hot.” Nathan made a growling noise that was overtly sexual. “I’m going to want you to recite both of them tonight.”
Yup. I was trapped in a hell dimension. That was the only explanation. When I looked up to gauge Wylie’s reaction to all of this, she was glaring at me.
“This is not my fault,” I snapped at her.
She rolled her eyes and muttered something that sounded like it started with a G.
“Oh, she said you suck,” Brody offered helpfully. “Her pronunciation really is good. If they gave out grades, she would have aced her class.”
“Awesome,” I said as I grabbed a hunk of bread. “That’s totally something worth bragging about.”
Wylie glared some more.
My night was quickly going off the rails. I really should have seen it coming.