16. Sixteen #2
“I was so desperate to be popular back then that I used my mother as a bargaining chip of sorts. I also got free convention tickets for everybody. Those four years were the worst of my life because I was constantly afraid that these people, who I didn’t actually like, were going to find out the truth about me. ”
“And what was the truth?” I asked. “Are you about to tell me that you’re a closet geek? Because I don’t believe it.”
“The truth is that I’ve never known who I am. Or, well, I definitely didn’t back then,” he immediately amended. “It was only after I left college that I started to figure it out. I’m still figuring it out, actually. You’re allowed to figure things out at your own pace, too.”
I couldn’t decide where he was going with this. “Thanks. I guess.”
He exhaled heavily. “I’m saying that the guy who only wanted to get close to you because of your mom was an idiot. He has no idea what he missed out on because you’re …”
“A fun geek?” I interjected to fill the suddenly uncomfortable silence.
He rolled his eyes. “You are fun. You’re also a geek. Being a geek isn’t bad, though, and I don’t like that you make jokes at your own expense because you don’t see yourself how I see you.”
My heart rate picked up, and I found myself suddenly having to concentrate to breathe correctly. “What does that mean?”
“It means I heard what you said. That little snide comment about him telling you that you were beautiful and that should have been a red flag. I don’t like that you think things like that about yourself.”
“Like what?”
“Do you not know how beautiful you are?” His gaze was clear as it roamed my face.
“I …” Did he just call me beautiful? My heart was beating so fast now that I thought I might pass out.
“That’s what I thought.” He reached over far enough to pluck my hand from on top of the table. I assumed he was checking my pulse because he was convinced I was going to fall over and die of a heart attack. Instead, he traced my fingers with his.
“The day I found out about you learning Klingon, I had a conversation with my mother,” he volunteered out of nowhere.
I was beyond bewildered at this point. I had no idea if I was coming or going.
“I ranted and raved that I didn’t want to sit with you for the big announcement about the Galactic Empire of Coronado movies,” he continued.
“I remember.” My voice was pathetically small.
“I went to rant to her because I saw you talking to the security guard,” he explained. “I’ve been thinking about that conversation a lot over the last few weeks, and I don’t see it quite the same as I used to.”
I remained rigid in my chair. If he was about to say something really mean, I wanted my chin to be up so I could absorb the blow.
“I always thought I was mad because the Klingon was just so … well, it’s a made-up language, and I’ve never gotten the Star Trek thing,” he said. “I don’t even like science fiction. I couldn’t admit that to anybody — not even to myself — until I was in college.”
I was officially appalled. “How can you not like Star Trek?”
He laughed at my outrage. “We’ll talk about that later. For right now, I need you to hear this.” He swallowed hard. “I wasn’t angry that you spoke Klingon that day. I was angry that you were speaking Klingon to the security guard.”
He seemed to think there was an important distinction buried in there, but I couldn’t figure out what that might be. “Um …”
“I didn’t like that the security guard was paying attention to you,” he pressed. “I was jealous.”
I just sat there like an idiot.
“I was jealous,” he repeated, as if absorbing the information anew. “I didn’t realize it at the time. My mother did, though. Her words from that day have been echoing in my head a lot since I first saw you again.”
“What did she say?” I was both excited and afraid to hear it.
“She said that I was being a baby and going to regret not jumping at the chance to hang out with you because you were going to grow up to be the coolest girl in the room.”
I snorted, then caught myself. “What did she really say?”
He wagged the finger that was still pointed at me. “That’s what she said. She told me you were going to be a knockout, the sort of woman men go gooey for, and I was so caught up in my own feelings I refused to listen to her.
“Now, I get that teenage boys are idiots when it comes to feelings,” he continued. “I didn’t understand what she was really saying until last night, though.”
Last night? That was when he started acting differently. What was he about to say? “I … you … I’m not sure …” It was rare for me to have no words, but that’s where we were.
“Are you asking what I’m trying to say?” he prodded gently.
I nodded and swallowed.
“I’m saying that I was jealous when I was a teenager,” he said. “I don’t think that it likely would have worked between us back then, so I’m glad I was dense. As for now, I’m saying that maybe I don’t just want to be friends.”
“Maybe?”
Now he grinned, and it did something to my lady parts. They were heating up through no fault of their own.
“I want to spend time with you when I’m not locked in the friend zone,” he clarified. “I’m not sure I want to call it dating because I don’t want it to be all that different than what we’ve been doing.”
“Is you not wanting to call it dating the same as Kevin not wanting labels?” I asked.
His expression darkened. “No, it is not. I’m just saying that from now on, our outings are going to feel a little different.”
“Can you be a little more specific?” I asked.
“No, because I haven’t planned our first outing yet.”
Absently, I scratched my cheek. “Don’t you think you should ask if I’m up for having the parameters of our relationship changed?” I asked finally.
That seemed to catch his attention. “You’re right. I should ask.” He took a deep breath and appeared to brace himself.
“We can change the parameters,” I said before he asked the obvious question. “I was just messing with you.”
He narrowed his eyes, but his lips curved up. “Great. Do you have any requests for our outings?”
“Actually, yes. There’s a haunted ghost tour in an open-top hearse I want to go to.” I started ticking them off on my fingers. “Bonaventure Cemetery. There’s a riverboat cruise … and a trolley tour. Oh, and there’s a dolphin tour.”
He burst out laughing when I took my first breath. “Well, that gives me a lot to think about. I’m certain I can make that work for a start.”
“I was nowhere near done,” I complained.
“Save some fun for later, Wylie. We need to take this slow.” His smile disappeared. “We can’t risk telling our mothers unless we know it’s real.”
I understood exactly where he was coming from and nodded. “Okay, but I really want to do that hearse tour.”
His smile was back with vengeance. “I will make a note of it.”