The Wrong Holidate

National Tailgate Day

LAINEY

I keep telling myself being alone with Ben all day is no big deal. We’re friends, and friends go to football games together.

No. Big. Deal.

Except after weeks of exchanging texts, seeing him in person is a total jolt to my system. Every accidental touch and sexy smile zaps me like a live wire.

I’m so worked up I totally forget to be nervous about the tailgate until he puts the truck in park. Now that we’re here, I think I could be sick. The last thing I want to do is be surrounded by former frat brothers. It’s been years since Isaac humiliated me and broke my heart, and after my strong reaction to Ben’s flirting with Chloe, it’s clearly a wound that hasn’t healed.

"Ready?" Ben asks, as he joins me at the back of his truck.

I nod, and to my surprise, he hesitates. He takes his hat off and runs a hand through his hair before replacing it. Is he nervous? I think he’s about to say something, but instead he starts walking. The closer we get to campus, the more tense he gets. His mouth is drawn tight by the time we get to the rows of tailgating tents. Then, without warning, he stops and faces me .

“Um, so the people that know me…they know Frat Bro Ben.”

Oh.

“I don’t know how they’ll act…”

My heart suddenly melts. Is he afraid he’s going to revert back to his college persona, or that their stories might scare me away? I take a step closer and touch his hand with mine. “Hey, it’ll be okay. I know Frat Bro Ben graduated.”

He swallows as his blue gaze searches my face. “You do?”

As conflicted as my feelings for Ben are, I’m finally letting go of the fear that Frat Bro Ben will suddenly take him over again. Yeah, his flirting has bothered me and sent me into flashback hell, but there’s no denying he was being genuine when we talked at Harper’s lake house. And on the Fourth of July, he could have brought a real date or even flirted with Monica to make me jealous, and he didn’t. Not to mention all the ways he’s chipped away at his reputation these last eight months. I won’t say it still doesn’t scare me, because the Ben I know is seriously dangerous to my heart.

But I can’t think about that part. I can only focus on the fact that he’s my friend and he needs me to understand he’s changed.

“I do.”

My words release the tension in his body, and he squeezes my hand. “Thanks. Just don't be surprised if I become frat bro-ish. It might slip into place."

"If you become frat bro-ish, then I'll be sorority girl-ish."

He eyes me. "Were you in a sorority?"

"Nope, but I can totally channel what I've seen in clichéd college movies."

He chuckles. "Lord help us."

As we approach the tent, someone yells out Ben's name. "Now the party's started!"

Ben grins, though it looks reluctant as he shakes hands and bro hugs the guy. "Looks like the party’s going just fine. "

"Man, it's too bad we don't have a keg."

Ben's cheeks bloom with a deep blush as he turns to me. "Will, this is Lainey."

Will smiles widely and sticks out his hand for me to shake. "Hey, it's nice to meet you.” He pauses. “You look familiar. Did you go to CTU?”

My stomach knots. I’m not sure why exactly, except being this close to fraternity members after so much time is bringing back memories. I suddenly want to ask Ben which frat he was part of. Surely, it’s not the same one. “Yeah, graduated about four years ago.”

“Me too. I probably saw you around campus then. So, how did you meet this guy?"

"Through our parents."

"Your parents set you up?"

"No, they got married," Ben says with a laugh.

"Oh, this is your stepsister. Thought she was your girl." Will's gaze bounces between us, pauses on Ben, who’s slightly behind me, a panicked expression comes over his face. "Or, um..."

Ben claps Will on his shoulder. "Why don't you show us to the booze?"

Will looks visibly relieved. "Absolutely, it's over there. We've got liquor, beer, and plenty of barbecue, so y'all help yourselves.

We head for the makeshift bar, though Ben gets stopped several times. The lack of a keg is mentioned several times, and Ben seems to be doing his best to ignore it. After we get our drinks, we mingle. Ben keeps me close, his hand occasionally going to that spot between my shoulder blades. I don't think he's even aware of it, that it’s some sort of comfort to him, which only makes me want him more. Everyone seems to be thrilled to find out he owns a bar now. I can tell the ones who seem genuinely happy and those who probably will stop by to try to get free drinks .

Will makes some introductions, so I'm officially known as the stepsister to most of the group. As nervous as I was, this hasn’t been that bad. Ben has loosened up, too. There’s a bit of frat bro vibes, but it’s more reminiscent than obnoxious.

I return to the bar to make another drink, and Ben joins me. "How are you doing?"

"Good. Everyone's been nice.”

He nods. "Yeah, it's not bad."

I raise my brows at him. "So, the keg thing?"

He dips his head. "Yeah, keg stands were something I used to do."

"I know. Once it was brought up, I remembered hearing about them. I was a senior, though, and had stopped going to frat parties. I know a bet was involved."

He looks at me, his expression embarrassed as he rubs the back of his neck. "Yeah, it was stupid. And not all the bets were cool. I mean, they always agreed to it, and I didn't bully anyone, I promise. I...."

I put my hand on his arm. "Stop." I pull him so we're facing each other. "Everyone does stupid and immature things in college. I know Frat Bro Ben had a reputation, but it wasn't a cruel one. And I know you . You would never let some alter-ego compromise your true principles."

He visibly swallows, takes my elbow and pulls me closer, and dips his head until the brims of our hats touch. "Thanks. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear you say that."

I want to pull him in my arms and never let him go. I hate that I made him doubt himself because of my fears. Though I’m glad I spoke up, maybe it’s time for me to tell him about Isaac. He deserves to understand why it bothered me so much.

Some noise erupts behind me. It sounds like someone the whole group knows has shown up .

Ben looks past my shoulder, and a distasteful sneer forms on his face. “I hope this asshole doesn’t see us.”

“Why?”

“He’s this dick who was in my frat. He was a senior when I was a freshman, so I wasn’t around him a lot, thank God. I almost didn’t pledge because he was such a tool, but everyone else made it worth it. They even considered kicking him out before I got there, but he didn’t do anything wrong other than be a douchebag.” He shakes his head, clearly not agreeing.

“What did he do?”

“He catfished all these girls. Dated them all at the same time. Fed them a bunch of lies about himself.”

My stomach tightens and I feel like I’m floating outside of myself. No. No way. This can’t be happening.

“One night, he got bold and thought it would be fun to invite them all to the same party. He asked them to pretend they didn’t know each other as some sort of sexual role-playing game, but it was really so he could sleep with them all in the same place and not get caught. He slept with two of them before one of the girls figured it out and called him out in front of the whole party.”

I press a hand to my tightening chest. It’s weird to hear a summary of the worst night of your life. A story that barely touches the hurt and humiliation I felt. Or how that night, Isaac destroyed my trust. In men. In myself.

“That’s not even the worst part.”

No. It wasn’t.

But before Ben can continue, he says, “Oh, shit.”

“Ben!”

As sweltering as it is, my whole body turns to ice at the sound of Isaac’s voice.

“Hey, Isaac,” Ben says with a forced smile.

“The man who gave me a run for my money,” Isaac announces, as he closes in on us and shakes hands with Ben .

“Nah, man. You were in a class all your own.” Anyone who knows Ben well would catch the insult in his tone, but I doubt Isaac will. He’s way too egotistical.

Now that he’s close, I inch back, hoping I can slip away without him noticing. I don’t think Ben has any interest in introducing me, which I appreciate.

But I don’t move fast enough. Isaac turns his attention to me. “Hey, I’m Isaac,” he says, extending his hand.

Though I don’t want to, I turn to face him. His eyes go wide for a second, then his hand drops, and he opens his arms wide. “Lainey!”

Are you fucking kidding me?

He leans forward as if he wants to hug me, but I step back and extend my arm, stopping him. He lets out a laugh. “Oh, come on, don’t hate the player, hate the game.”

“I have no problem hating both.”

He leans forward again, but Ben is suddenly between us, his hand on Isaac’s chest, pushing him away from me. It’s not an aggressive push, but it gets the point across. “Hey, she made it clear she doesn’t want you any closer.”

Isaac scoffs but steps back. “Lainey, we had two good years. Why dwell on one night?”

I let out a harsh laugh. I have about a dozen comebacks to point out all the ways he wronged me and the other three girls, but there’s no reason to voice them. He’s a narcissistic psychopath, and doesn’t care who he hurts along the way.

“Watch out, Isaac. One day you’re going to piss off the wrong woman and find yourself without your favorite appendage. Not that it would be a big loss or anything.”

Some light laughter spills out around us. Isaac’s cocky smile falls and his gaze narrows. It seems I had a comeback after all, and it struck a nerve. He attempts to move, but Ben extends his arm, making sure he stays put. Suddenly, Will is there, clamping his hand on Isaac’s shoulder. “Hey man, time for you and your friends to head out.”

I glance behind Will and spot a couple of guys glancing our way with hangdog expressions. One of them says, “Let’s hit up another tailgate before the game.”

Isaac glances at them, back at Ben, and then me. “Whatever.” He opens his mouth to say something else, but Ben clearly presses his hand harder into his chest.

“Better leave before you say something I’ll make you regret.” Ben’s tone is full of barely controlled anger.

Isaac’s jaw clenches, but he steps back and walks away with his boys. Ben watches him, staying physically between us.

Will comes forward. “I’m so sorry, Lainey.” It hits me why he thought he knew me. He was at that party. “He wasn’t invited. I could never stand the guy. Unfortunately, word gets around, and I can’t control who shows up.”

“It’s fine. Thanks for asking him to leave.”

He nods and gives Ben’s shoulder a squeeze before leaving us alone. I look at Ben, whose face has paled. He runs a hand through his hair and steps closer. “Fuck, Lainey, you let me talk about that story like—”

“Like it wasn’t mine? Like I wasn’t one of the Virgin Four?”

I gave Isaac my virginity, along with three other girls in less than two years—possibly even more. The girl I’d seen him hug on campus had been dating him for over a year. The other two girls from that night had been with him about six months. The way he was able to string us along while we all attended the same college was genius on his part—genius but psychotic.

Ben’s face contorts in a mixture of pain and anger, and he takes my hand. “I should have fucking decked him.”

“While that would have been fun to see, I’m glad you didn’t.” I just want Isaac out of my life and out of my head. He’s lived there rent-free for far too long.

“Let’s get out of here.”

His grip tightens and we move, not bothering to say goodbye to anyone. He leads me away from the stadium and toward the nearby art building. He tests the door and when it opens, he ushers me inside. The hit of A/C is glorious. A few people have congregated in the hall, enjoying a break from the heat, too.

Ben leads me up a staircase, and we wind through several empty corridors until he finds a bench where we’re completely alone.

We sit.

He hasn’t let go of my hand once.

We lean against the wall behind us and sit in silence for a long time.

“He didn’t…did he force—”

“No. I was just a na?ve eighteen-year-old who fell hook, line, and sinker for his lies.” I puff out a laugh. “The ironic thing is I thought I was an expert on fuckboys. I’d seen so many come in and out of my mom’s life that I could spot them a mile away. But, Isaac put them all to shame. He always had an excuse. He’d make me feel like the crazy one for questioning things. Then, he’d shower me with so much affection all my doubts disappeared. How could he cheat if he was doing all these romantic things and spending so much time with me? Most of what he told me about himself wasn’t even true. He made up a completely different persona.”

Ben stiffens, his hand clenching mine before he lets go and sits forward, resting his elbows on his knees and cradling his head in his hands. “Fuck. What you must think of me.”

I take my time, searching for the right words. “I don’t know if my fear of being manipulated like that again will ever fully go away.” I swallow. “But…I know you. I know you weren’t cruel like that.”

He shakes his head still in his hands. “I’m sure some of the girls I slept with wouldn’t see it that way. Even if they knew the score, I’m sure it hurt to be cast aside.”

“See? That is what sets you apart. Isaac could have apologized today. I’d still hate him, but knowing he’d grown up and recognized he was a dick might have given me a bit of closure. There’s no changing a narcissist, and you are the furthest thing from that.”

He leans back, looking at me. “I’m sorry, Lainey. Sorry he hurt you. Sorry I quit college and wasn’t there to kick his ass or stop him or—”

“Ben.” I put my hand on his arm. “No one in that whole party—the entire frat—stopped him. It wasn’t a secret he was dating multiple girls. I’m sure he had help keeping up the charade. No one warned any of us. The only reason I figured it out was because I wanted to be good at his little game. I wanted him crazy and desperate with need because he couldn’t find me. So, I stayed hidden and watched. I couldn’t even believe what I was seeing. Convinced myself he didn’t take those girls in that closet and fuck them. It took me eavesdropping on the second girl before I believed it. No one cared what Isaac was doing.”

“I’d like to think I would have.”

“Me, too.”

A long sigh escapes him. “I wasn’t like him, Lainey. I flirted and charmed, but I didn’t lie. I didn’t want a girl to sleep with me because of a lie. I wanted them there because they wanted to be.”

“I know.”

He holds my gaze. “Promise me you do. Promise me .”

The raw need I see in his eyes, the earnest pleading in his voice, it almost breaks my heart. And I can’t deny him. “I promise.”

He takes my hand again, but this time, he brings it to his lips and kisses it. I want to lean in and kiss him to reassure him, but the weight of my promise holds me still. Because this isn’t a promise to believe him—it’s a promise to trust him. Since Isaac, I haven’t wanted to trust any man, I don’t think I’ve even really tried. As much as I’ve resisted trusting Ben, he’s more than earned it. And giving it freely feels wonderful.

Which makes the fact that we can never be more than friends all the more painful.

So, I don’t kiss him. Instead, I change the subject. “You’ve left me in suspense long enough. It’s an hour before kickoff. Whose box are we going to be in?”

He smiles and his gaze softens, and I think he’s glad to move on, too. "Logan Mackenzie. He's a former player."

My mouth falls open, and I straighten. "Um, yeah, I know who Logan is. I might have already graduated, but the list scandal was all over the news." Logan Mackenzie and his girlfriend made headlines when a college bucket list containing several sexy items was leaked over the internet.

"Yeah… maybe don’t mention that.”

“Of course, I wouldn't. It was ridiculous such a huge deal was made of it. How do you know him?"

"I'd met him and his roommates at parties and had some classes with them. I know Ally, too.”

He’s referring to Logan’s girlfriend, but there’s something about the way he says the last bit that makes me think there's more to the story. "How do you know her?"

"We sort of went out. Not really. It was just one date. Not even a true date, actually."

"Well, that's clear as mud. Are you trying to say you slept with her? "

He laughs. “No, definitely not.” He stands and pulls me up with him. “Come on, let’s head to the stadium, and I’ll tell you.” Once we’re back outside, he continues, "I had a crush on her. She would come into Cafe Jolt all the time when I worked there. She was my date to a frat party my senior year, but..."

"But?"

"But I was Frat Bro Ben.” He shrugs.

We walk in silence for a bit before he starts talking again. "Ally was cool, but I let Frat Bro Ben take over and ended up putting her on the spot and embarrassing her. In the end, the whole thing helped me realize I needed to grow up."

"But you’re friends enough for them to invite you to their box?"

"Yeah, we're good. It's not like I was heartbroken or anything. That night was a turning point for her and Logan, too. After that’s when they started listing ."

"So, Frat Bro Ben brought them together,” I tease.

His grin’s sheepish. "I guess so. It was still embarrassing and a kick to the ego."

We enter the stadium and when we get to the box, the room has a decent amount of people milling about. No one I immediately recognize. Ben leads me further into the room and I spot Ally Worthington. Her face had been all over the news about a year and a half ago. I always thought she handled the backlash well. She even got a center set up on campus to help students manage social media and their mental health, as well as a safe place to deal with bullying—on campus and online.

"Ally," Ben says, as we approach.

Ally gives him a big smile and hug. "I'm so glad you could make it. It's really good to see you.”

“Yeah, thanks for the invite. This is awesome.”

“I know. I’m still getting used to the fancy boxes. I never visited my mom’s box because, you know, it would have been so uncool as a student." She laughs and rolls her eyes at herself. Ally's mom is also the president of CTU.

"Hey, this is Lainey." Ben pulls me closer. "Lainey, meet Ally."

Ally's expression is just as friendly as she greets me and folds me into a hug. "So nice to meet you."

"It's really nice to meet you, too." I almost gush over her like a celebrity, but I keep myself in check. We all chat while we get a drink then Ben sees someone he knows and excuses himself.

"How do you two know each other?" Ally asks.

I laugh and she gives me a curious look. "Sorry, it's the question of the day. We met when our parents got high and went to the hospital because they thought his dad was having a heart attack. Now, they're married."

Ally's mouth drops. "Seriously?"

"Yep."

She starts laughing. "Wow, what a story. And now you’re stepsiblings."

I scrunch my nose before I think not to. "We are."

Ally looks at me a little thoughtfully. "Don't like that label?"

"I guess you could say it's hard to think of ourselves as that." I glance over at Ben, who's at the bar talking with someone, but as if he senses me looking, he glances over. His mouth hitches up in a smile, but there's a fierceness and possessiveness in his gaze that sends my heart galloping.

It’s been there ever since Isaac tried to touch me. And I have a feeling it isn’t going away.

"I bet it is."

I blink out of our stare. Ally wears a knowing smile on her face as she glances between me and Ben.

Thankfully, I'm saved from further conversation because Logan walks in. Logan’s now in the NFL and about to start his second season with the New Orleans Revelers. I get a quick introduction, but he's quickly swept up into working the room. I meet more people, some friends, and some university big wigs. Mostly, Ben and I stick together. Logan stays through the first quarter of the game before he heads to the sidelines. By the fourth quarter, the Toros are ahead by eighteen points, and everyone is more involved in conversations than the game. Ben’s talking to some other former players by the bar, so I sit with Ally.

"I like this Ben." She glances over at him and looks back at me.

"The real Ben," I say emphatically. It feels so good to finally have zero doubts about that.

"Yeah, I thought so. This is more the guy I've seen since our date—" She looks at me a little stricken as if she revealed something she shouldn't have.

"He told me about your date." I laugh, keeping my tone light, and she sags in relief. "Can I ask you a question? Why did y’all keep talking to him if the date was such a disaster?"

"It wasn’t so much that. The whole frat vibe wasn't my thing. To be honest, no one would have been my thing but Logan. It became clear when Ben kissed me."

"Oh, y'all kissed?"

Ally's eyes go wide. "I thought...well, it was sort of an ambush. It was awful." Now she looks mortified all over again. "I'm sure he's a good kisser. It was just a weird moment, and I was so into Logan—"

"Ally," I say to stop her panic rambling. "It's fine. I know he's—" I stop from admitting how I'm intimately aware of how good of a kisser Ben is.

Ally's expression immediately turns from panicked to amused. "You know, he's...?"

"That he's not for you. Obviously."

"Hmm-mmm. "

"You didn't answer my question. How did you become friends?"

She shrugs. "We just did. I'd see him at Cafe Jolt, and he was as cool with me after the date disaster as he was before. I think he realized Logan and I were the real deal before we did. We all stayed in touch. It's easy to be friends with him."

It is. It's also easy to be more than friends with him. What's not easy is only being friends with him.