National Bartender Appreciation Day - December 1st
BEN
Every day since Thanksgiving has felt like National Have a Bad Day Day’s been on repeat. I’ve been slogging through the days, pretending the fact Lainey still doesn’t trust what we have is right, real, isn’t like a dagger stuck in my heart. Pretending that signing those annulment papers wasn’t like twisting and sinking that dagger even further into the wound. Pretending that signing them wasn’t a mistake, even if I knew I had to do it.
It’s been less than a week since Thanksgiving, which fell late this year, but it’s felt like years. Did she send in the signed papers? Are we officially done?
Another stab of pain echoes in my chest. I’m afraid this is going to become a chronic condition without Lainey in my life. Not that she will truly be out of it since she’s my stepsister. I talked with my dad after the mess of Thanksgiving, and he apologized for not addressing the situation with me when he saw it happening. Apparently, both he and Kathleen were worried how us getting together would affect their relationship. In the end, I think everything that happened helped them realize they needed to communicate better. And they both threw their support behind me and Lainey. I just don’t know if there’s anything to support anymore.
I look at my phone in my hand and set it down. As much as I want to text her, I’m not ready. My feelings are still too raw, and I don’t know if I can control them yet. Plus, there’s nothing to even say. I made my feelings clear, and she made hers. Thinking there’s something to hold on to is a hope I should probably let go of.
I push out of my office chair and my phone lights up with a text. I glance down to see it’s from Lainey.
My heart stutters to a stop. I’m not sure how long it takes me to sink back into my chair and pick up my phone. It feels like it weighs a thousand pounds in my hand. I hold my breath as I open the message.
Lainey
It’s the first Friday of the month. Know what that means?
I don’t. But guessing it’s some obscure holiday. I don’t know if reverting back to our holiday texts is good thing, or if I should feel insulted she’s ignoring what happened over Thanksgiving. Before I can reply, she does.
Lainey
It’s National Bartender Appreciation Day!
That does surprise me. I find myself typing before I think too much about it.
Me
Huh. Had no idea.
Lainey
What? I thought checking what crazy holiday it is was the first thing you did in the morning.
Me
It was. Yesterday was National Personal Space Day, and I thought maybe I needed a break from the holidays, so I turned off the notifications.
There’s a long pause.
Lainey
Would you be willing to take a break from the holidays this whole month?
I have no idea where she’s going with this. Is she talking about us? Just the holidays?
Lainey
Like don’t look up the holidays.
Me
Why?
Lainey
I know I have no right to ask this of you, but could you trust me?
I bark out a laugh, the bitter sound filling the small room.
Me
Jesus, Lainey. Of all the things to ask me after the shit show on Thanksgiving, you ask me that?
Lainey
You’re right. I don’t deserve your trust, but I’m hoping by doing this one thing, you can allow me the chance to earn it back.
While I can appreciate that she wants to earn my trust, it pisses me off that she still hasn’t acknowledged she hurt me. That after all that happened between us this year, she still thinks it a was a mistake.
Lainey
You don’t have to decide now. Or even say anything. Just enjoy your day. There’s a package coming for you and your staff. Have a great night!
I toss my phone on the desk. Usually, I’m never ready to end our text conversations, but I’m glad she signed off—which tells me I’m not quite ready to forgive and forget.
An hour later, I get the package, and the first thing I see is a banner that says National Bartender Appreciation Day. Several T-shirts have sayings printed on them that she’s labeled for the staff. Jan’s has Appreciate this Badass Bartender . Mine says More than a Bartender. Appreciate this Bar Owner.
Fuck. She could have gone the Bare-chested Bartender route; instead, she knew exactly what I needed. I don’t know why exactly she wants me to ignore the national holidays, but my curiosity is getting the best of me.
Me
Got the package. Everyone loves their shirts. Thanks.
Lainey
Hope you know that you deserve it all. You can have it all.
Except you.
Lainey
Oh, and one thing I need you to know…I don’t want personal space from you, Ben.
The big thump of my heart is the first beat I’ve felt in days.