3. Gigi
CHAPTER 3
Gigi
This year’s Christmas didn’t go as planned. Well, that’s an understatement. Nothing this year has gone as planned. And nothing will.
Andrew and I wanted to spend it with his parents. They have been hounding him ever since we drove to Ravensfield that we should stay at their place instead of with my mom and Luke’s dad. It made perfect sense—Luke would get his own room to crash in and we would drive back and forth. Funny, isn’t it? Giuliana, Miss Planning-everything-down-to-a-T as my mom likes to call me, is slowly figuring out that life doesn’t always go how you want it. No matter how much you prepare everything with Excel spreadsheets.
I feel pricking in the back of my eyes thinking about him. Something that has been happening way too often lately. Why did you even make plans if you knew that you weren’t going to do it, Andrew? Why did you even go to college if you were planning on not being there anymore the next month?
I decided to take my dad up on his offer and spend my winter break with him in New York. As a matter of fact, I also spent Thanksgiving break with him. It felt good to be back. My mother used to hate living in Greenpoint. It bothered her that we were living next door to my paternal grandparents. Although I’d be the first one to admit that they sometimes can be overwhelming, I don’t mind it as much, especially this time. They knew not to speak of what happened, choosing to stuff my mouth with homemade perogies, instead.
I doubt Andrew’s parents would still have wanted me there, anyway. My mom likes to update me during our calls. With the way the both of them have completely shut down, I don’t think they’d want an audience to the downfall of their lives. The most perfect Palmer family, cracking.
The other Palmer family, the one who people rarely talk about nowadays— my Palmers —wasn’t too happy about my decision to go to Dad’s. Everyone except Luke, I bet. He’s also not talking to me anymore. We were never close, but he downright only speaks in grunts and nods whenever he sees me on campus now. I can’t help but think that he feels a little guilty for abandoning Andrew after he moved to Ravensfield, and maybe I’m a reminder of that. One day they were attached at the hip, and the next Luke barely drives home anymore. A two-hour drive is not too long if you really want to see your best friend.
Think of happy thoughts, Gigi. Picture the ocean. Picture the park. Picture Andrew kissing you in the dark.
Slinging my backpack over my shoulder, I make my way to the front entrance of my dorm. Polite hellos and how are yous greet me. I give them my smile, but it’s getting faker by the day. By the time I reach my room, I breathe out a sigh of relief, happy to finally be confined within four white walls. Away from these strangers who I never got a chance to befriend. Meeting new people used to exhilarate me. Now I just want to be left alone.
“Hi, Gigi,” my roommate Zoey says. “How was winter break?”
“It was alright.” I drop all my luggage and give her a hug. A genuine one for my only friend here. “I missed you, though.”
“Girl, you see me every day.”
“And I love every second of it.” I give her a wink.
Besides Andrew, I have only ever spent time with Zoey here ever since the start of freshman year. How I got so lucky to have her as a roommate, I have no fucking clue. But Zoey has been amazing with her support, despite not knowing me for that long. From fending off vultures who just want to get the gossip straight from the source, to thinking about me when she gets takeout, she has more than earned the best friend title. Come to think of it, none of the girls from my high school cheer squad are as nice as her.
“Soooo,” Zoey hums, her eyes pleading and hopeful for something. I don’t know what yet, but I can guess.
“What do you need, Zoey?”
“Zach invited us to a party.” There it is . When I give her a sigh as a response, her brown orbs beg some more. Like a puppy wanting a new chew toy. “Please? I really like his roommate.”
“For the record, I’m only going because I love the two of you.” It feels wrong to have fun. To go to a party and sip from a red solo cup like I’m a normal eighteen-year-old without a care in the world. But Zach and Zoey, the two Zs, as I like to call them in my head, have been supporting me ever since they showed up to Andrew’s funeral.
“Good girl,” she squeals. With a softened expression on her face, Zoey continues, “You deserve this, Gigi.”
It has been three and a half months now. Maybe I do. Maybe I’ll try.
I’m putting on my lipstick when my phone buzzes in my pocket. Smiling, I already know who it’s from.
Zach
Heard from Zoey you’re coming out tonight. Did all the ice in Antarctica melt? Did the sun set in the west?
The sun does set in the west, you idiot.
I shake my head, laughing, continuing with my makeup. I didn’t know Zach before college. Not personally, at least. Andrew played basketball and Zach was a football player. The two teams in their school, like in your stereotypical, stupid teen drama, have some long-standing beef. Not bad enough to cause fistfights, but serious enough that the moment you make it past the tryouts, you stop running in the same circles and going to the same parties with the people from the other one. If Andrew could see this, he would laugh that I’m now friends with Zach. He always thought the rivalry was stupid.
Another message comes through as I’m calling my mother, giving her my weekly updates and trying to convince her that I’m not depressed.
Zach
Okay, smartass. We’ll pick you girls up in five. You ready for your first frat party?
Think of happy thoughts, Gigi. Picture the ocean. Picture the park. Picture Andrew kissing you in the dark.
I can do this.