4. Luke
CHAPTER 4
Luke
“Bro, can you be the designated driver?” my friend Kai yells from the kitchen.
“Yeah, no problem.”
Although I would love nothing more than to drink my weight in booze tonight to forget about the winter break from hell, I kind of owe Kai this one. Ever since Andrew died, he has been through it. And by it , I mean me. I was a horrible fucking roommate to have. The both of us had to patch up the holes I punched in the wall at some point. Good thing I’m already over the anger stage of my grief. Now…now I just feel numb. And I wonder if it will always be like this. Will I not care about anything anymore? Forever? It’s better than caring too much, I guess.
Autumn curls up next to me on the couch, already pregaming with a beer in hand. From this angle, I can see the way her breasts move with each breath she takes. I remember when I used to get so turned on by a sneak peek of her tits. Everything, including my dating life, just feels so insignificant. How could they not? In the grand scheme of things, who I fuck in college doesn’t matter. What I study doesn’t really matter. People are born, they live, and they die. All the time. I’m just one out of many. I could be out like a light tomorrow, and what happens tonight won’t be remembered by anybody.
“You sure you don’t want to drink?” Autumn asks me.
“Yeah, It’s fine. I haven’t been the designated driver in a while. Kai has been cutting me some slack.” A lot of slack. Shit ton.
“You want to do something else later to relax?” Autumn is observing me, trying to gauge my reaction. I already know where this is going, and I don’t like it one bit.
“Look,” I say, closing my eyes. “What happened was a one-time thing, okay?” And I’ll be damned if it were to happen again. There was a reason why we broke up in the first place. Me reaching out to her last week? That was a moment of weakness.
“Alright, you two ready?” Malakai shows up in the living room, a big smile plastered on his face, completely oblivious to the disappointment of my ex-girlfriend.
In forty years’ time, all of the people in this frat house, me included, will be deaf. Mark my words. I would bet my nonexistent trust fund on it. Either deaf or dying of liver disease.
“What?” I scream to Kai. With how loud the bass is thumping, I’m not even sure he hears me.
“I said, do you want to get wasted? Toby is not drinking tonight. Got a quiz or some shit tomorrow,” he replies in a volume matching mine.
When you’re in college and constantly hanging around a bunch of other guys, the probability of them knowing how to help you navigate through loss is pretty low. I’m pretty sure my friends’ love language is binge drinking. Either that or video games. Fortunately for them, I’m happy to go along with that.
“Kitchen, then, yeah?” Kai grins at the mention of the kitchen, then makes his way to the place where an ample supply of alcohol is being served with me in tow.
Four tequila shots later, I finally spot the empty Amarula bottle on the counter hidden between the dirty dishes. For the first time in a long while, I smile. Andrew and his parents went to South Africa when he was fourteen. They brought back two bottles of the cream liqueur they got as gifts. Other kids had beer as their first taste of alcohol, but not him. Not Andrew. He was adamant about trying this horrible-tasting shit. He made me the lookout as he poured some into two coffee mugs.
I hate the fact that the only thing that seems to be able to make me feel an inkling of happiness is also the thing that makes me want to turn off all the lights in my room and curl into a fetal position, drowning out the outside noise. Memories of my dead cousin .
“So, are you and Autumn back together, or what?” Kai asks before drinking the contents of his red cup dry.
“Nope.” Even if I was in the right headspace for a relationship right now, I will not go down the Autumn road again. Autumn might have some people fooled with the small tattoos scattered all over her body and her penchant for being one of the guys, but one weekend in her hometown to meet her folks was enough to figure out who she was.
“Whatever you say, man.” Kai chuckles as he gives me a tap on the shoulder. He pauses before he speaks again, in between sips of the beer he just cracked open. “That girl looks hot.”
“You can’t even see her face, you pig,” I sneer. “Dude, the only thing you can see is her ass. I see what you mean, though. I bet she’s pretty, too.” I can’t blame Kai for checking her out. The way the girl’s jeans hug her curves, no wonder the group of guys standing next to her is dying to insert themselves in whatever conversation she’s got going on.
“No, not her.” With the hand that’s holding the beer bottle, Kai uses his index finger to point at a girl standing next to the person I thought was the one. Before I can get a look at her, Kai nods his head and strides over to them. “Come on, let’s say hi,” he says with a shit-eating grin on his face.
“Hello, ladies,” Kai announces from the back. “My name is Malakai and this is my friend?—”
“Hi, Luke,” Kai’s prey for the night greets me. Zelda, maybe? I met her at the funeral. I think she’s Andrew’s friend. She wasn’t sporting a pixie cut back then.
I feel like I’m about to pass out when the other girl turns her head around to face me. “Oh! Hi,” she says with a smile on her face. “Fancy seeing you here.”
Gigi.
Giuliana Bankowski.
My stepsister.
I can’t believe I was just checking out my stepsister’s ass.
I can’t believe I was just checking out Andrew’s girlfriend’s ass.
I feel disgusted that I was watching the way Gigi’s hips swayed in those jeans, following the rhythm coming out of the speakers. Fuck me, I’m drunk.
“You both cut your hair,” is all I can get out.
Gigi and her friend, who I now remember is called Zoey, both look at each other, staring at the pixie cut and the bob that replace the long locks that used to frame their faces.
“Yeah, we did,” one of them says, but I’m too busy trying to mentally bleach my brain to focus on who’s speaking. “New year, new us!”
“How do you guys know Luke?” Kai eyes the three of us curiously. Seems like he doesn’t recognize them, either.
“Oh, he’s my stepbrother,” Gigi answers.
Kai nods slowly, and suddenly he has a look on his face like he’s holding in a laugh. He’s wise not to react to the comment. He might not have known Andrew personally, but he has heard enough of my drunken rants to know who he was, who he dated, and what happened. Plus, he was there that night. Shooing people the fuck away.
Before any of us can say anything else, four frat guys come out of the kitchen holding small, clear, plastic cups with yellow blobs inside. “Jell-O shots!”
And I take two immediately. All for me. Tonight is about to get fucking weird, and I don’t want to deal with whatever’s going to happen sober. Not if I can help it.