17. Luke
CHAPTER 17
Luke
You stupid idiot.
You banged your stepsister.
You banged your dead cousin’s girlfriend.
You popped her cherry.
I wish there was a handbook for this. How does one exactly deal with the aftermath of something so fucked up, you might ask? I’ve got zero clue. I’ll let you know once I stop staring at Kai’s blood-soaked blanket.
Andrew was hunting her down ever since he laid eyes on her that November his junior year. They were dating the whole of senior year. How the fuck is she still a virgin?
I didn’t think it was possible, but a new sense of dread pops up. An even bigger one. You’re just making bad decision after bad decision tonight, Luke
“We didn’t use a condom,” I say, pinching the bridge of my nose while closing my eyes. On a scale of one to ten, this is an eleven on stupidity.
“I’m on the shot.”
“Huh?” My head is too busy thinking about how I’m going to explain knocking Gigi up to our family that I don’t register what she’s saying.
“I’m on the shot,” she repeats herself. “Like the flu shot, but for babies. The birth control shot.”
Relief washes over me, making the stream of cold sweat oozing out of my pores stop. Not by a lot, but enough. “Gi, how the fuck are you still a virgin?” I ask, deciding to just get on with it. “You never…You didn’t…”
“No, I didn’t sleep with Andrew; if that’s what you’re asking.”
Still lying down, she looks at the ceiling. Drowning in her silence, I know that she’s thinking about something. Maybe about the past, maybe she’s regretting sleeping with me. Whatever it is, I feel my heart soften for her. I shouldn’t. I should probably head to the other room and pretend like this never happened, but holy hell. I just used a virgin like she was some fucking cum dumpster. She didn’t even get off. Her last boyfriend died less than a year ago. I’ll be damned if I don’t comfort her right now. Pillow talk is the least I could do. Besides, it’s not like I can un-fuck Gigi.
Resting my head on my arm, I lay down next to her. My gaze is also on the ceiling when I ask, “Why?”
“It just never happened.” She shrugs, trying to make it seem like it doesn’t affect her, but Gigi sounds sad.
“Was it because of what happened with Rachel?”
“Maybe.”
“What happened?” I had this idea in my head of what their relationship was like. I thought the two of them were happy. Normal. At least that’s what I always thought every time I saw them pop up on my social media feed.
Normal people don’t cheat on their girlfriends. Normal people don’t kill themselves. Normal people don’t lose their virginities to their stepbrothers . I swallow down my disappointment in myself. Normal stepbrothers don’t sleep with their stepsisters, either .
“Well, if you must know…” She sighs, and when I steal a glance to watch her face, I catch her closing her eyes. “We were waiting until graduation. It was supposed to be a graduation present for the both of us. Then the whole Rachel thing happened and we went through a rough patch. By the time we were back to how we were, it was orientation week. You know what happened a few weeks after that. So…yeah. Never got around to it, I guess.” Don’t I fucking know it.
I’m about to tell her that what she did was stupid and she should have told me, but Gigi looks so broken next to me. A part of me knows this is wrong, so wrong that I want to sucker punch myself, but I turn to face her and my lips rest on her forehead. When her arm drapes around my waist, I don’t stop her. I don’t even flinch, letting myself enjoy the warmth of her body instead.
“Don’t offer someone a one-time thing and then let them have sex with you bareback ever again. I know I’m clean but not all guys get tested regularly. And you have to go to the bathroom, Gi. You need to pee, otherwise you might get an infection.”
We both laugh. Why did I decide that giving her an impromptu sex education would make this situation less awkward? I have no fucking idea. No handbook. I’m treading in the dark here. Pitch black. This is the best I can do, sue me.
“Soon.” She smiles, and I hate that the sight of her makes me do the same. “Let’s just be here for a minute.”
“Hey, Gi, can I ask you something?”
“Are you going to ask me why I slept with you?”
“Yeah.”
“Alcohol, boredom, and I just don’t care anymore.”
I cock an eyebrow. “You don’t care anymore?”
“I mean…” She pauses with a shrug. “I treated my V-card like it was some special, magnificent thing. Like it was a gift to the world. Clearly, it’s not. Andrew apparently didn’t care about his and everyone in college is screwing like rabbits. Why should I miss out on having fun?”
Knowing Gigi and how she is, she’s going to regret saying all this shit tomorrow once she’s sober. I wonder if she’s going to regret me .
“What we did, Gi...” I curse at myself in my head. “That’s not how you’re supposed to have sex for the first time. I hope you know that.” Fucking hell, even my first time was more special than this. Amy Charmichaels. Pizza date. Lots of foreplay and definitely with a condom on. And not with someone who was double forbidden.
“It was fine, Luke.” She pulls me in closer as if she wants to reassure me that it was the right decision. “I had friends who lost their virginities in the backseat of some Tinder date’s car. Some of them lost it in the locker room. I mean…Andrew lost his at a house party in a bathroom. This was nice.”
“How do you know that?” Andrew fucked for the first time in a bathroom? I thought he would be a candles and petals kind of guy.
“Andrew?”
I nod.
“Someone sent me a video.”