15. nick #2
That was a good question and the answer was—I was lying off my ass. Fishing for Tallulah’s attention. Waiting for her to take the bait. Ever since I touched down in Canada, I’d been fighting for her to notice me, but this was different.
Because it was finally working.
I could feel the curiosity burning from her.
Our waitress brought waters and I took a long drink of mine, scanning the menu like Tallulah wasn’t practically bouncing in her seat, waiting for my explanation. She wanted to be respectful, but that respectfulness could only last so long. The questions were eating her alive.
So cute.
“My bucket list is for romantic stuff,” I finally said. This was a performance, but a bit of truth slipped out. “I’ve never been on a real date.”
“What?” Tallulah’s mouth fell open. “You’re joking.”
“See? I knew you’d laugh—”
“No, no, no.” She reached for my arm, and I earned my first-class ticket to hell because I had to bite back the smirk. Tallulah was so kind and gentle. Soft and empathetic. Having her panic like that over me was a shot of euphoria, straight to the heart. It felt so goddamn good.
Tallulah pressed her lips together, eyes wide. “I’m not laughing, I promise. I didn’t know you…wanted that?”
“I didn’t know either,” I admitted.
“What else is on the bucket list?”
“Uh…” Shit. I’d spent so long thinking about the conversation itself, I forgot about the supposed list. What if I gave a concrete answer and forgot to write it down tonight? “Erm—it’s at my place. I’ll show you later.”
This was shitty, and manipulative, but I didn’t care.
I’d spent the last year developing serious feelings for Tallulah.
It was an uneven surface to live on. A rough contrast—my feelings for her and Tallulah’s oblivious indifference to my existence.
It was like we were both rock climbing and she was down on the ground, while I was already at the top of the cliff.
I wanted her up there with me. I wanted Tallulah to have feelings for me.
“I had no idea,” Tallulah whispered.
“The things I want are changing,” I said. “I’m thinking that when I get a real girlfriend, I won’t have the, you know, experience. I won’t know what to do.”
Tallulah was quiet for a moment. Her fingertips touched mine. “I—I could help you with your bucket list?”
Fuck.
Yeah.
Pleasure rushed through me and I squeezed her fingers. “Huh. I didn’t think of that. It’s not a bad idea.”
“That wouldn’t be weird…?”
“Nope.” I quickly shook my head. “Not weird. The opposite of weird, actually.”
“We’d be helping each other?” she suggested. “It’s not like it’d mean anything.”
A waitress interrupted us and Tallulah immediately pulled her hand away from mine, face flushed.
If the waitress noticed, she didn’t show it, beaming at us. “I came for your drink order, but I have to say, you two are such a cute couple.”
It wasn’t possible for Tallulah to blush harder. “Um, we’re not—”
“We are cute, aren’t we?” I grinned. “We look good together.”
Tallulah floundered hard. “I—I—”
“Is this an anniversary?” the waitress asked.
“Just spending time together,” I replied while Tallulah gaped at me. “We haven’t been dating long.” I laced my fingers through Tallulah’s. “I should’ve asked you out the second I saw you. Every day I spent not kissing you was a mistake.”
The waitress cooed over our table, and when she left, Tallulah sputtered, her voice low. “Why would you lie to her?”
I refused to let my grin waver. “Why not? Maybe we’ll get a free dessert out of it.”
“Do you do that in every restaurant?” she whispered.
“No. Just with you.”
“Why me?”
“Maybe if you told me I was cute more often, I wouldn’t act out.”
Her eyes flickered to mine. It was adorable how flustered she was. “This is a cry for attention?”
“Everything I do is to get your attention.”
I took Tallulah by her chair, bringing her around the table until she was inches away from me.
Our test results were up in the air, Tallulah wasn’t emotionally or mentally or spiritually ready to have sex.
I wasn’t worried about it. Even if the main course was off the menu, I could still admire the meal.
Her smile was shaky, breathless. “Hi—hi.”
“Hi,” I murmured. I dipped down and brushed my lips over hers, letting Tallulah take the lead. She touched my chest, kissing me back. Every hesitant stroke of her tongue…fuck, I was addicted. I hummed, pleased. “You’re so much fun to kiss.”
“We’re in public,” Tallulah whispered. “In a very nice restaurant.”
“Mm, you’re right. We should make out in a lot more public, very nice restaurants.”
She pulled away in adorable frustration. “How are you so good at flirting?”
“It’s easy when you have a centralized goal. I really, really want to fuck you.”
That hitch in her breath, the embarrassment melting away as her eyelashes fluttered, the sound of her thighs shifting under the table, Tallulah was too good to be true. I studied her, drinking her in.
“Oh, that turned you on, did it?” I chuckled. Flushed, she glanced away, and I took her chin between my fingers. “No, you’re not a bystander. Don’t stay silent. Be an active participant, Tallulah. Did that turn you on?”
Her voice was a murmur. “Yes.”
“Louder.”
“Yes,” she raised her voice a little, swallowing hard. “It turned me on.”
“Good. If I can’t hear you, I’m not hard. And if I’m not hard, I can’t press your hand to my cock, and watch you blush again.”
The waitress returned with our drinks, and we had to readjust our chairs. Tallulah played with my fingers, tracing circles into the back of my hand, outlining the ridges of my knuckles. I loved when she played with me too.
She hesitated, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip. “I was wondering…”
“About what?”
“Do—do you want to go to a stupid thing with me?”
I arched an eyebrow. “What kind of stupid thing?”
“It’s for the internship. It’s small, it’s unimportant. You don’t have to go. No, forget I asked—”
“Yeah, I’ll go.”
The relief was evident in her voice. “Thank you. I’d skip it if I could, but I can’t. It’d be nice if you could come.” She tilted her head. “Do you have black slacks?”
“Sure.” I frowned. “What kind of stupid thing needs black slacks?”