43. nick #2
Rat purred, cozying up with me. It made me feel better.
The door opened, Tallulah walking in, bagel in hand. I tensed. Was she upset? Would she yell at me? How could I comfort her through this, and truly apologize?
She took a bite of her bagel. “I have a group call scheduled tonight?”
I paused, taken aback. “What? With who?”
“The girls?” Tallulah set her plate on the nightstand.
“They’re happy for me. Isn’t that so weird?
June said she’s happy because she thinks you and I could be good for each other.
Zariah already thought I was seeing you because apparently you and I have been posting a lot of pictures in the same places?
” She shrugged, laying down to snuggle with me.
“And Willow’s just happy for me. I don’t know. ”
Tallulah was so calm about this. I didn’t know what to say.
Her eyes flickered to mine, and she studied me. “Are you okay?”
“I didn’t mean to hurt Fridge, I…”
“I know.”
“I thought…I don’t know. If I sat him down and explained things, it’d magically work out?" I ran a hand over my face. "That was wishful thinking, wasn’t it?”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, leaning up to pull me into a hug.
Tallulah was comforting me. I liked the hug, but this didn’t make sense.
“I thought you’d be more anxious,” I admitted.
“I spent so much time panicking about Fridge.” She relaxed against me, stroking my hair.
“Worried that I’m not enough, worried that I’m not the right kind of girlfriend, worried about the breakup…
Now that I’m with you, I don’t have those kinds of thoughts anymore.
I don’t need to worry. Because I don’t worry with you. ”
I pulled her close, hugging her tighter. I still felt like shit. That wouldn’t stop and it was because I deserved it.
With a deep breath, I pulled Tallulah closer and nudged Rat to us.
I couldn’t bring myself to regret the decision to go after Tallulah. If Fridge was the trade I needed to make for this perfect moment of perfect moments, I’d make that decision again and again. This selfish decision was something I’d never second guess.
Tallulah hummed, gently stroking my hair, so soft with me. “You know who else I don’t get anxious around?”
“Your parents.”
“Oof.” I could feel her wince. “No, I’ll always be anxious around them. Tomasini.”
I frowned. “The guy who scares the shit out of everybody doesn’t scare you?”
“I didn’t say he doesn’t scare me,” she quickly said. “He does. I said I’m not anxious around him. When I see him, I’m so angry, it blocks out the anxiety. I want to hit him with a chair more than I want to stutter around him.”
“Hit him with a chair? There’s that Tomasini Experience.”
Panic touched her voice. “He’s hit you with a chair?”
“No. My reflexes are good. I duck. Now, Gordo? Not so lucky. He got a barstool to his lower legs, bruised the shit out of him.”
Tallulah shuffled down, staring into my eyes. “Tell me you’re joking.”
“Uh…sure. Joking. Yeah.”
“Oh my god.” She slumped her forehead to my chest. “You need to get out of your contract—you all need to get away from him. How has he not been reported?!
“Everybody knows. It’s not a secret.”
“Nick, the Blades are almost done. He’ll make your last days a living hell, you have to go—”
I squeezed her. “I’m a grown man, Tallulah. I can take care of myself.”
“I know,” she said, her voice small. “I—I still want to protect you.”
My heart thumped hard. “I’m your boyfriend, Tallulah. I’m the one who’s supposed to protect you.”
“We’re a couple.” She tilted her head, eyes soft. “Doesn’t that mean we protect each other?”
How could I explain it to her?
“You don’t understand.” I twirled a strand of her dark hair around my finger.
“My summer’s been royally fucked-up since the beginning, I had to deal with so much bullshit.
But then, I’d come back to you, and it’s like…
” My tongue was thick, my words clumsy. “You make everything easier in my head. The tension’s gone.
You make me feel, just, better. You’re my peace. You already protect me.”
Tallulah took my face in her hands and kissed me. I smiled against her lips and she smiled with me.
“I love you,” I whispered against her lips.
“I love you too.” She rested her forehead against mine. “You’re the best fuck buddy anyone could’ve asked for.”
I took her chin between my fingers. “Best what? Huh?”
“What?”
“Boyfriend,” I sounded it out for her, unamused. “I’m your boyfriend, Tallulah. Exclusive. Monogamous. Boyfriend.”
She feigned confusion. “What’s the difference?”
“One you’re allowed to call me. The other you’re not.”
“You didn’t fuck me like a boyfriend last night,” she pointed out.
I licked my teeth, flipping her until I was on top, gazing down at this gorgeous girl with my heart in her palm. I dipped down to her ear. “I fucked you like a long-distance boyfriend. Like I didn’t have that pussy for years, and I was desperate for it.”
Her hands slid around my neck, her fingernails lightly scratching the skin, raising goosebumps. She tugged me closer. “Why don’t you show me again?”