33. Aspen
ASPEN
Even with the gorgeous scenery as a distraction, it’s impossible to ignore the tension radiating off Tobias. I can’t say I blame him after that confrontation with Levi. I should have mentioned Levi first, warned Tobias what he was like so it didn’t come as such a shock.
“Nothing has happened between me and Levi,” I repeat for what feels like the fiftieth time. I’m getting sick of repeating myself. “The guy is a complete asshole. He doesn’t want me here. He’s made that much clear.”
“Then why are you staying?” Tobias throws back at me.
“Because I literally have nowhere else to go. Are you going to give me a home? Offer for me to stay in your parents’ pool house full time?” His complete lack of a response is enough. “I thought not,” I finish, “and I’m not going to make myself homeless just to keep you happy.”
“Fine,” he grouches, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “But I hope the dad doesn’t have any ideas either.”
I shake my head. “Oh, please.”
I still feel guilty, though, remembering how I’d taken advantage of Blake when he’d been asleep. Is masturbating next to another man considered cheating? Can you cheat on a man who doesn’t want to commit to you in any way?
I should tell Tobias to leave. I don’t want him here.
But Levi has also pissed me off, and I know if I tell Tobias to go, I’ll be giving Levi what he wants.
I’m also so pathetically needy—wanting to be wanted—and Tobias has come all this way to see me, and that means something to me.
I’m living in a dreamworld if I think Blake is going to…
do what, exactly? Declare his undying love for me?
Tell me I have my forever home here at Windridge Hall? I’m an idiot.
Tobias is the only person I really have, despite all his flaws.
I sigh. “I don’t want to fight, Tobias. I’m sorry about what Levi said, but he’s a dick.
He only said all that stuff to wind you up, and it worked, too.
You’re giving him what he wants by being off with me.
You just have to ignore him and stay out of his way.
That’s what I do. He’s the reason Blake and my dad fell out for so many years. ”
Tobias stops walking and frowns. “He is? How come?”
“According to Blake, my dad thought Blake wasn’t parenting Levi properly. Blake said Levi was wild as a teen, and my dad didn’t like him.”
He snorts. “Your dad had good taste. Strange thing to fall out over, though.”
“Yeah, I thought the same thing.”
“When did they stop talking?”
“About a year after my sister went missing, not long after my mom died.”
“You’d think Blake would want to be around for your family after going through that.”
I bite the inside of my lip, old wounds reopening. “Yeah, me too. I guess my dad was hurting, and he told Blake exactly what he thought of Levi. It obviously didn’t go down so well.”
People don’t like to hear the truth. It was something that took me a long time to understand and lost me a lot of potential friendships.
Even when someone starts the question with, ‘Honestly, tell me what you think…’ they don’t actually mean it.
No one wants to hear that you think their bangs were a mistake, or their new outfit makes their arms look fat, even if they’ve asked you to tell them honestly.
I’d always thought I was being brave by speaking my mind and telling people the truth.
I thought I was being open and honest, straight with people out of respect, but, turns out, I just came across as being a bitch.
“Did you know Levi, too,” he asks, “when you were a kid?”
I shake my head. “No, we never met—not that I remember, anyway. He was living with his mom.”
“But your dad obviously met him.”
I frown at that, worrying at my lip with my teeth again. “Yeah, he must have for him to have said what he did.”
Why had my dad never mentioned to me that Blake had a son? Maybe he had and I’d forgotten? Or perhaps he hadn’t wanted to talk about Levi because he’d disliked him so much?
Tobias makes a questioning sound as though it doesn’t seem quite right to him either.
“I think Blake feels bad about them not talking for so long,” I say, hurrying on, “which is why he’s trying to make up for it now.”
“Bit late when your dad is already dead.”
I want to defend Blake, but Tobias has a point. “Yeah, I wish they’d made up before Dad died, but I guess Blake was always going to choose his son over his friend, just like I’d hope Dad would have always chosen me.”
We walk a little while longer, then Tobias says, “Can we go back to your room now? It’s starting to get cold, and I could do with warming up.”
My heart sinks. I’m fairly sure I know what Tobias’s idea of me warming him up will be.