Chapter 69 And Then Dinner, Rafe
AND THEN DINNER, RAFE
At dinner, Jin Kol watches Eve, making notes.
"Remarkable recovery," he observes. "The subject maintains composure despite her recent correction. Excellent training, Commander Gai."
"Thank you, Tribune. I find consistency is key."
I only half listen as my father and Jin Kol discuss her like she's an animal instead of a woman.
I tear a piece of bread from my roll, letting my hand drop to my side. Eve takes it carefully from my fingers, and something in me breaks at having to feed her under the table like this. But I'd rather break into a million pieces than let her eat pet food while I’m here.
"Such a tender gesture," Jin Kol notes. "Do you often hand-feed her?"
"When permitted," Lorian says, offering her a morsel of meat. "The behavioral guidelines suggest positive reinforcement between corrections."
"Indeed."
I pass more food down to her throughout the meal, my heart bleeding more fiercely each time her small fingers brush mine.
I remind myself, she's eating, she’s alive, but I know I’m just a few more tragedies away from breaking completely and going insane.
This is all too much. But if she can survive it, I must survive it too.
After the meal, Jin Kol announces, "The transport departs in five minutes. I trust the next review will show continued improvement. Thank you, Commander Gai."
I promised myself I wouldn’t cry when we said our goodbyes.
I've never been one for public emotion; that's Lorian's domain.
But as we walk past her, I let my fingers brush against hers, trying to communicate everything I can't say.
That this was the last time this will ever happen now that Zira of House Serath has agreed to help.
And explain how Zira is a galactic force that will change the status of humans in the galaxy.
But I don’t say anything. I can’t, because I can’t trust myself not to break down and beg her forgiveness for everything I have put her through.
Lorian has his whip in the shrine to alleviate his guilt; I only have my work, and it’s not enough.
Not when I see her like this, naked and collared.
I did this to her. And I don’t even have the strength to tell her what I’m doing to rectify the situation.
I just give her one final touch and look into her human brown eyes and hope that she understands that I am so sorry.
One year until we're scheduled to see her again. But if I succeed, it won't be a year. It will be months. I just need Eve to hold on.
As we walk through the garden, I wonder if I should go back and tell her to give her something to hope for. Without thinking too much about it, I turn back.
“Rafe, where are you going?” Lorian asks.
“I…”
He grabs my arm. “We can’t. This must be convincing.”
“What if she dies thinking we used her like a pet and that we don’t love her?” I ask, our eyes meeting in the darkness of the night.
“She’s strong.”
“What if she never forgives us?”
“We can’t go back and time and change what we just did. We will all have to live with this. But no matter what she chooses, if all goes well, she’ll still have her freedom.”
I reluctantly allow Lorian to lead me onto the transport, his hand on my shoulder. Once on the transport, I look back through the window. I see Eve kneeling beside Autumn and my father. She’s a breathing statue, a human pet, and I turn away, disgusted with myself.
I will get you out of this, Eve, I promise.