42. Chapter Forty Two Rhowyn
Chapter Forty Two: Rhowyn
The knock at the door had woken me, but since Brannoc had stood to deal with whatever the issue was, I decided to keep lying in bed. Maybe I could get back to sleep and this headache would go away soon. And maybe, there was ocean front property in Arizona for sale, too. Rolling over, their voices carried just enough that I could hear the entire conversation. Still, I wasn't ready to get up and be productive, and yet, it seemed I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep either. Cracking my eyes open, I noted that the other side of the bed was still made. He hadn't slept with me after coming back to the room.
A twinge in my heart had me rubbing my chest at that fact. Thankfully, I was saved from having to dwell on what that meant by the turn in their conversation. Throwing the covers back, I crossed the room and threw open the door. Brannoc had no right to be making these decisions for her. Granted, my first instinct was to protect her and deny her this request, but then I knew that I'd be pissed if anyone tried to stand in the way of what I wanted. That realization made up my mind.
Hopefully, her mother would be the bad guy and I wouldn't have anyone else to worry about because despite what I'd said, I would still feel responsible. Whatever happened to her while with me would hang over my head.
I could hear the responses from the guys now. Arryn would be tactical, Baer and Lennox would most likely roll with it, but Callum would grumble like the grumpy puppy he was. That thought brought a smile to my face and made this idea almost worth it.
Brannoc and I watched Cyerra skip off, on her way to convince her mother I was certain. Studying Brannoc's back from the doorway where I still stood, squinting against the sunlight that made me feel like a vampire after my evening with thistle milk, I was reminded that we still had our own issues to work out. As young as Cyerra seemed, she had a point. I'd run from this conversation long enough. “Come on. Let's get back inside. Since we have some time, we should probably address the elephant in the room.”
Brannoc's brow furrowed in confusion. I just sighed. “It's just a human expression.” I walked into the room, leaving the door open for him to follow, and plopped down on the edge of the bed. Sensing his tenseness at this pending conversation as he shut the door behind him and then faced me with trepidation, I figured I should be the one to start it.
“I'm sorry.”
“Look.” We both said at the same time, a tense smile pulling my cheeks at the timing. If we'd been on Earth, I would have said “Pinch, poke, you owe me a coke.” Cheesy as it was, it might have just broken the tension that was hanging over us.
“Let me start?” Brannoc asked. In answer, I just held out my hand, yielding the floor to him. If he had something to say, I could take whatever it was. Leaning back on my hands and crossing my legs, I made myself comfortable. “I'm sorry. I know those words are not enough to make up for the fact that I kept the news of our mate bond from you, but I promise, I will make it up to you.”
“Why didn't you tell me?” I asked, needing to know the truth.
Bracing myself for his next words, he said, “At first, I didn't know. The whole thing is still new to me, too. I didn't grow up in the enclave, and a lot of what I've learned is hearsay and legend. It wasn't until you used my shadows that I knew.” He sighed, turning his back on me, but continued, “That development took me by surprise. I hadn't expected something like that to happen, and if I'd known, I wouldn't have let things proceed with us.”
His words cut me deeper than I had thought. Maybe there were more feelings here than I had thought. “Look, we don't have to keep up the bond. We can just pretend like nothing happened and go on about our ways. You can stay or go, but that's up to you.”
He looked devastated when he turned around to face me. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why since this was what he wanted. “I'd like to stay. You know, to help Arryn.”
“Of course.” I forced out a smile, refusing to let him see how much his rejection hurt me. We stood there for a few minutes, eyeing each other. I wanted nothing more than to jump up and run to him. To tell him that I couldn't do that, that I needed him in more than just a friendship. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hear him say that he was stupid, that he wanted me just as much.
Instead of doing any of that, I rose from the bed, needing to get away from him in any way I could. Tears were threatening to fall at his rejection of the bond and me, and I refused to let him see that. He didn't need to feel guilty about his decision. “Right. Well, I'm just going to get ready for the meeting.”
Like the coward I still was, I ran to the bathroom. Wishing I had a shower to stand under and cry, I settled for turning on the bath, letting the sound drown out the sobs that escaped my tight hold. My knees buckled, and I sank to the floor as I let the pain cascade through me. Wrapping my arms around my knees, I buried my face in them, letting the tears fall freely. I couldn't seem to catch my breath, my panic about how I was going to hide my feelings for the man that had made me fall for him so quickly and effortlessly cutting me deeper than I could have ever imagined. Surely this pain was from the bond, which made me want him more than I should, that drew us together against our wills. Hopefully, this pain would fade the more we denied the bond because if it didn't, I wasn't sure how I'd live with that.
Unable to wallow in my pain anymore, I forced myself to stand, disrobing and bathing like a machine, just going through the motions. My mind and body were numb as I got dressed in the leather pants and vest that resembled Cyerra's outfit yesterday. I closed my eyes when I was done, one hand on the doorknob as I took a deep breath and steadied myself. Squaring my shoulders and holding my head high, I exited the bathroom, a bright, fake smile on my face as I took in Brannoc sleeping in the chair.
Letting out the breath I had been holding, I dropped the act. I imagined he didn't sleep well the night before, not if he'd slept in the chair. I knew I wouldn't have. Allowing him the chance to rest, I crept out the door, needing the fresh air.
Leaning on the rope railing, my elbows braced and hands clasped, I closed my eyes and turned my face up to the sun that was glinting through the canopy. Breathing deeply, I relished the smell of the fresh air, allowing myself to focus on each scent that I could now sense as my fae powers grew. I could smell the damp earth far below me, the piney scent of the trees and wood surrounding me, the fresh ethereal air, and somewhere close, I could just make out the smell of fresh water. The source of my mission here.
I needed to keep my head on my purpose here. It wasn't a family gathering or reunion. It wasn't so that I could play patty cake with Brannoc. I was here so that I could start my journey toward becoming Queen. I was here so that I could rescue the people and the land from the abuse of Titania. If I allowed my focus to drift from this fact, it could mean failure for us all. If Avalonia was to be believed, then I was their last hope. As much as I didn't want to be, the fact of the matter was that I was here now, and I could do something to stop the abuse. If I let my own desires get in the way, it could mean disaster for my men. I refused to allow them to suffer because I couldn't get my shit together now.
Soft footsteps approached, and I turned to find Ramund in his finery. Surprised, I turned to greet him. “How are you this morning?”
He dipped his head in greeting. “Good. How do you fare?” His smirk told me he was very aware that I'd overindulged in the thistle milk last night.
“As well as can be expected after enjoying the fare.” I laughed slightly. “Not that I'm not happy to see you, but where's Cyerra? She's been the one to gather us since our arrival, and I sort of expected that she'd fetch us for the meeting. She said she would.”
He grimaced. “She is currently with her mother, who is trying to redirect her. Unsuccessfully so far. She is her mother's daughter, after all, headstrong and opinionated.”
“I hadn't noticed,” I said sarcastically with a smile.
“Listen, while I have a moment of your time, I would like to speak with you.” His face was now serious, all joviality gone as he reached the point of his visit.
“Oh? About what?” I asked, genuinely surprised at his candidness, especially after our meeting yesterday.
“Cyerra is my beloved daughter, and while I agree with her mother, I also understand that she's her own person and will do as she sees fit.”
“That she is. A definite force of nature,” I agreed with him fondly. Despite having known her for such a short time, I'd become quite fond of her.
“Yes, well, she's got her heart set on going with you when you leave. That said, I must ask that you look after her. As much as she's smart and strong, she's also quite naive about the world. And while I don't know you well, I have faith in Avalonia and her Chosen. I know that she chose someone cunning, fearless, and kind. Someone like her.”
“I don't know about all that,” I blushed under his assessment of me, “but I can promise that I will look after her. And so will my men. They'll protect her like they would me,” I told him honestly, vowing it here and now.
“Thank you. That is all I can ask. The rest is in Avalonia's hands.” He glanced at the door. “Are you ready?”
“Yes, just let me...” I started to say, but Brannoc swung the door open, his eyes taking in my revealing outfit.
“We're ready,” he said simply, bare chest highlighted by the dappled sunlight, leather pants gripping his legs like a second skin to reveal his toned and lean musculature.
I swallowed as I tried to tamp down my lust. The last thing he wanted was me ogling him. Turning swiftly back to Ramund, I said, “I'm ready.”