Chapter 16
ELLIE
For months I’d imagined kissing Jake in a multitude of different scenarios.
Even in dreams I never had the courage, too nervous, too unsure whether he liked me like that, so Jake always made the first move.
Something I did or said pushed him over the edge, and he had to have me now, now, now.
No matter how or where it started, our mouths crashed together, an avalanche of need finally unleashed, consuming us both.
But here, in the quiet dim of my living room, reality took a different course, a strange new shape.
I wasn’t sure what happened.
Maybe it was the abrupt realisation of how close we were, thighs almost touching, his words settling in the roaring silence between us. How he cared about me and Noah. How he didn’t want us to be alone…
Maybe it was the awareness of our surroundings, the TV flickering light across the dark room, a police siren wailing in the distance somewhere in the city outside, bringing with it the knowledge of how alone we were.
Alone, not lonely.
Together, but not quite.
Jake’s gaze drifted to my lips, and I shifted slightly at the brazenness of it all. The obviousness. There were few reasons to stare at someone’s mouth that way, like he wanted to lick and devour. I lacked experience, but I wasn’t stupid.
Emboldened by this and some unknown power, I cradled his cheeks and kissed him.
It was barely a brush, barely much of anything, but his lips were soft against mine, and his breath caught in his throat.
I drew back instantly, startled by the sound.
Embarrassment bloomed in that one endless moment.
“Jake, I—”
His head shook, and he edged a fraction closer, clasping my hip with one hand.
I liked that, his eyes said.
I liked it too.
Then came the crashing, the colliding of our mouths with such swiftness, I wasn’t sure who moved first, only that I wanted it, and he did too.
Our heads tilted this way and that, and we swallowed each other’s moans, flames licking my skin at the first touch of our tongues.
The hot, wet slide of it was electrifying, exhilarating, better than I’d ever known.
I held myself tense from the shock of being kissed senseless, the blissful novelty of a man’s mouth against mine. This was the kind of frenzy I’d read about, the kind of passion I’d dreamed of, and slowly softly, it swallowed me whole.
The moment I gave in to it and my body went slack, Jake wrenched me over his lap with a desperate-sounding groan, his grip firm against my thighs.
The shift in position had us parting.
Our gazes locked.
The room was soundless except for our matching breaths and the faint hum of the refrigerator.
I clasped his shoulders and hovered above him, unsure how to proceed, afraid to disturb whatever spell had been cast. Every cell, every impulse, wanted to sink against him fully, finally learn the hard press of this gorgeous man, but did he want that too?
My hair slipped forward, obscuring my vision on one side. Transfixed by my lips, Jake’s Adam’s apple bobbed with a swallow. My pulse pounded, and every muscle clenched as he reached for my hair, something reverent in the way he rubbed the strands.
Slowly, he tucked them behind my ear and cast his fingertips across my cheek, the movement achingly soft and exquisitely tender.
My breathy inhale might as well have been a boom for how loud it sounded in the quiet between us, and I couldn’t take my eyes off his face.
What are you thinking?
Do you want this too?
Doubt plagued me constantly, but that was definitely lust darkening his gaze, and pure want in his eager hold. The certainty of it was as hot as his kiss still burning my mouth, and the slick growing between my thighs.
I added up these signs like tally marks chalked on a wall, the numbers giving me the courage to lower myself those few extra inches and settle in his lap.
Jake groaned and grasped my hips, his chest heaving. “Fuck, Ellie…”
There was so much to say, so many questions to ask, but right then I could think of nothing but his cock swelling beneath me, the intimidating size of it stretching out the front of his loose grey joggers. The excitement of it all, that this was actually happening, shivered through me.
“What are we doing?” Jake whispered.
“I have no idea,” I whispered back.
But my body thrummed with need, and the universe narrowed to the heady, persistent pulse between my thighs. Right then, I wanted everything Jake had to offer, and if it was nothing more than this moment, I’d take it.
I’d take it all.
He blinked, not looking at me properly, too distracted by my nipples poking through my t-shirt.
Suck them, I wanted to say.
Bite them.
Clamp them between your lips and needle the tips with your teeth until I shiver and shudder and come all over you.
Oh god.
I felt like a woman possessed.
Somehow, a silent agreement passed between us.
We didn’t say a word as I edged forward, hooking my feet behind me to rest an inch above his knees. Splayed on his lap, the movement spread me wider, wedging his hard length along my seam.
We held still for what seemed like a lifetime.
It wouldn’t take much to hit the right spot, and my breath froze as Jake clasped my hips and forced me to move in an agonisingly slow roll against him.
I gasped at the electric sensation.
His eyes fluttered shut.
A few seconds passed and he did it again.
And again.
Over and over, he rocked me over his cock, and I let him, grinding down harder every time, shifting closer and closer. I fisted his t-shirt, my only anchor as the pleasure climbed, and our breaths grew warm, our mouths mere centimetres apart.
My underwear was soaked already, pyjamas too, and he had to feel it too—the wet heat of me rubbing all over him, drenching the thin material between us.
There was something wild about it, desperate.
Like this violent need was almost too much to handle, and there wasn’t enough time to do anything except seek out the sweet bliss of his cock pressing against my clit.
All the while we didn’t look away from each other, couldn’t if I wanted to.
I moaned and gasped at all this heat and friction. The carnality of it as I rutted against him. It would’ve been so easy to pull out his cock, rip off my pyjamas and wrench my underwear to one side, sink down on his hot, hard length. Skin to skin at long last.
But we didn’t.
We couldn’t.
Jake’s grip shifted a bit, like he needed more leverage. His gaze flittered to mine, checking, making sure. The second I nodded, his fingers dipped into the cheeks of my ass as he worked my hips harder, groaning and shuddering the whole time.
I threw my head back and screwed my eyes shut, seeking out the relief just in reach, so damn close. My rhythm turned senseless and shaky, and I wrenched Jake’s head against my chest, mindless as I clenched and came all over his cock.
He muttered something against my breasts, maybe “That’s it” and “Fuck yes” and other indecipherable babbles until he stiffened and jerked beneath me, the throb of his orgasm dizzying somehow.
Jake slumped back, and I collapsed forward, and neither of us moved as we caught our breaths and reality slunk in.
Oh my god.
I wasn’t sure which one of us tensed first. I wasn’t sure if Jake tensed at all. Maybe I imagined the way he went rigid beneath me. Maybe it was all in my head.
I eased back slowly.
Somehow, I forced myself to meet his gaze again, fighting against my ingrained habit of looking away. I wanted so much to be the kind of person who kissed him again, who dragged him into my bedroom to finish what we started, but I froze.
Nothing had changed, not really.
Yes, maybe there was a mutual attraction between us now, and he wanted this as much as I did. But Jake was still destined to leave, and I was always destined to stay.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
A cascade of goosebumps dotted my skin at the tender way he brushed my arm.
I managed a nod and pulled away, steadying myself with the back of the sofa to lift off his lap. The wet mess we’d both made darkened the grey of his joggers and I clenched all over again.
I tore my gaze away, hoping my cheeks wouldn’t betray me today.
“Are you?” I said faintly.
“Yeah, I’m… I’m good.”
“Good. That’s good. I should—”
“Yeah,” Jake rasped out. “I should too.”
Whatever that meant.
I curled my arms around myself, brutally aware of the heaviness of my breasts, my nipples still hard and pressing against my t-shirt, and I needed to leave before I did something stupid for the second time that night.
We stared at each other for a few moments longer before I gave him an unnecessary—completely embarrassing—wave and fled the room with the same speed I lost all of my senses.