Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
EVIE
Gone is the cool winter air and now has come the dreaded heat. The South in the summer is no joke. It's as if we skipped spring completely and are thrown directly into the summer. It’s a wicked wet heat that clings to your skin long after you've cooled off. As if you've sat your ass in front of the open oven door except this shit lasts for three months.
The past few months have been a whirlwind. The boys have finished basketball and baseball season is getting ready to start, Mercy has officially opened Wilder Garage, and Maddox seems to be here often. Everything hasn't been sunshine and rainbows. The man is still grumpy and stoic, pissing me off more often than not. Take yesterday for example.
"Let me pay, Evie." Maddox stands in the middle of the cereal aisle with Charlie sitting on his broad shoulders reading a book while Sebastian rides in the buggy I’m pushing. Maddox pushes his glasses up his nose as he grabs four boxes of pop tarts. Who the hell needs four boxes of pop tarts ?
"No! I’m not taking your money, Maddox Cole!" I hiss up at him.
"Uh oh, she used your middle name Mad," Sebastian tells him wide-eyed.
Maddox, not giving one damn, invades my personal space. "I brought it up and they want to play." He’s crazy if he thinks for one second I’m letting him pay for Charlie and Bash to play baseball. I’m a strong independent woman damn him! I don’t need him paying for my children to play baseball.
"No—"
"Too late, it's paid for." He tenderly pushes my hair behind my ear and kisses me. "I was asking to be nice." With that the smug fuck winks at me.
"If you didn't have precious cargo up there," I point to Charlie who's completely absorbed in his book, "I would trip your ass and leave you here." Maddox laughs and gives me a smirk. I grab the buggy and start pushing. "And don't you even think about buying my groceries!”
Maddox bought my damn groceries.
The relationship that’s blossomed between Maddox and the boys has been the most surprising. Wherever Maddox goes, his two shadows are right behind him. I asked Maddox if it was hard being around them and he told me no. While they could never replace Livvy, he doesn’t hurt as much when they are around, they help fill that void just slightly. Though I know my boys will never be able to replace what he lost, I find peace in knowing they’re able to comfort him in some way.
We've still been continuing self-defense lessons, while they usually end with me face-down ass up and Maddox's face buried in my soaking center. I don't complain. Today, however, Maddox doesn't greet me at the door.
Weird.
He always waits for me at the door. I walk to the back of the gym and call out his name .
"Maddox?"
He's nowhere to be found. I call out his name one more time before heading to his office. Reaching for the handle I pause, hearing sniffling and soft murmuring. The blood drains from my face. Is he okay? Did something happen? Is Maddox hurt? Heart racing, I open his office door and freeze. The smell of alcohol fills my nose as I look at Maddox sitting in his chair.
"Maddox?"
When Maddox hears my words, he tenses, his eyes turn hard and cold as they take me in. "What the fuck do you want?" he snaps, putting me on edge. I instantly begin fisting the hem of my shirt.
"You weren't upfront," I tell him, taking note of the two empty whiskey bottles lying at his feet. How long had he been here like this?
"It's called knocking," he grates out the words before setting a picture of a baby with blonde ringlets on his desk next to a stuffed lion that has seen better days. "Next time, fucking try it," he spits out, his voice full of venom leaving no trace of the person I have grown to know and care for.
It breaks my heart to see him like this. "What do you need Big Guy?"
He runs a hand roughly through his hair. "Leave."
"No." I can’t leave him here like this. No way in hell.
In an explosion of anger, his desk is thrown clear across the room, crashing into the wall. I freeze, shocked at what just happened.
"FUCKING LEAVE!" he roars.
Ignoring the tears streaming down my face, I square my shoulders and hold my head high. "No. You need someone right now. I can’t leave you like this so please stop telling me to.”
Before I can process what's happening, Maddox rushes me, backing me into the door, his big body holding me hostage between him and the door .
When he speaks, his voice is menacing, dripping with a cruelty I’ve never heard before. "Are you stupid? If I tell you one more time to leave me the fuck alone," he leans down in my face making me whimper, “I’ll get my belt, and make you leave.”
“Posey, I will make you listen if you don't start.” Trent traces the side of my face with his belt making me tremble.
I bring my hand up and smack! The glasses fly from Maddox's face and slide across the floor. His cheek flushes instantly from the slap, my hand burns with pain, but I refuse to let him see even a hint of it.
"Fuck you, Maddox Wilder." I turn and yank the door open stopping. "You will always be a raging storm wreaking havoc leaving behind nothing but devastation." The door barely closes behind me when I hear a loud thud and the sound of glass shattering. I wipe my tears and hold them in until I get home.
I don’t leave the house for the rest of the day. The whole incident put me back in a place I swore I'd never be again. Lou brings the boys home from school and stays the night. She doesn’t ask me where I’ve been or even mention Maddox's name. Instead, she crawls into bed with me, hugs me, and tells me it’s okay, and I will be okay too. Lou knows what I need most is the comfort of my best friend, so she doesn’t ask me if I want to bust out the windows of the gym. I’m grateful for that. She will reign her war party down on his ass later, no mistaking that.
After a long restless night of tossing and turning, I finally get out of bed, take a long hot shower, and set about getting ready for the day. I keep replaying it all in my mind. The look on his face, his threat. Right now, I hate him for his behavior. Did I fear him? No. Trying to be fearful of him is like trying to hold water in your hands—it slips through your fingers when you grip it. No matter how hard I try, I can't hold onto it.
I know Maddox was hurting yesterday, but that still doesn’t excuse his behavior. My tears won't seem to stop. Why the hell am I even crying in the first place? I keep pondering that question as I brush my teeth and then it hits me like a ton of bricks, because I've fallen for the closed-off bastard.
Holy shit. I’m in love with that insufferable grouch. What the hell had I been expecting? Why am I only now admitting it? I’ve never pretended to be the most self-aware person out there. Yet somehow, he has burrowed his way into my heart, and I find myself falling for the most closed-off man I’ve ever met.
What a time to realize it.
After getting the boys fed and ready for school, I decide to let Lou sleep. She wore herself thin between work and Sophie, and a few hours of uninterrupted sleep will do her a world of good. The breakfast rush is just what I need to distract myself from yesterday.
"Are you okay?"
"Ma'am?" The woman I had seen before the boys’ basketball game sits in the booth looking at me with a haggard face full of concern.
Upon touching my cheeks, I find them damp. I excuse myself and rush back into the storeroom. Taking a shaky breath, I close the door behind me. Sliding down the wall, I pull my knees up and bury my face in my arms, allowing myself a small breakdown before pulling myself together. Several minutes later, the door opens and closes softly.
"I'll be out in a sec Joe," I croak out.
When I don’t hear the door open again, I draw my head up and find Maddox standing there looking just as miserable as I am. Despite still wearing the same clothes as the day before, one look at his handsome face I know he hasn’t slept either. He looks so defeated standing in the dimly lit storeroom that I feel a tinge of pain in my chest. His presence usually fills up any room, but today his deflated form damn near blends in the shadows. Wiping my tears furiously with my hands, I stand. Maddox takes a step forward before I stop him.
"Don't come near me."
A faint whisper comes from those lips I'd grown to admire so much, "I would never hurt you, Pretty Girl."
"Are you going to threaten me with a belt if I say I don’t believe you?” I asked cruelly.
"I deserve that." Maddox swallows hard looking at the floor. "I deserve that."
My guilt for hitting him yesterday is overwhelming as I look at him, and I feel I should apologize for it. Why should I apologize? Wasn’t I just defending myself? Wasn’t it justified? The answers may have been black and white, but my heart is woven in complexity and can’t accept those answers.
I take a deep breath and open my mouth to say sorry, but no words come out. I try again, but my throat feels tight, and my voice is stuck. Finally, I manage to squeak out a few words of apology causing Maddox to look at me harshly as he crosses his arms over his chest.
Maddox chuckles but there's no humor behind it. "Evie, don't you dare fucking apologize to me. You don't owe me anything. There isn't one damn excuse on this earth for yesterday. Not one!" He blows out a long breath and uncrosses his arms.
"I need some space?—"
He keeps talking as if he didn't hear me. "After everything you've been through, it doesn't seem right for me to burden you with my shit. You’re the one bright spot in my life I don't want to bring into that dark place with me. You've given me so many pieces of yourself that?—"
"Just stop!" I cut him off, my heart can’t bear to hear another word. "You know what Maddox? Fuck you! You bulldozed your way into my life!" I point my finger at him, placing the blame on his shoulders because I was fine before he came along and interrupted my life, at least that's the lie I'm telling myself .
"You insisted I take self-defense classes with you!" I take a deep breath to steady myself because I don’t want Joe running in here with her frying pan. "You've made me feel precious and wanted when all I had ever felt was like my existence was a cruel punishment!"
"Evie—"
"You were hurting yesterday and instead of letting me or anybody close enough to help you carry it, you took things I trusted you with and used them to keep me at arms lengths. I trusted you not to ever stoop so low.” My heart is hammering in my chest, as many excuses as I gave him, the fact remained he used things he knew would hurt me to push me away. “Did hurting me make you feel better? Did it help you soothe your loss?”
Maddox gives me a watery smile, “I think I fell for you the moment you told me to go fuck myself. You stood there so damn fierce and beautiful I couldn't speak." He reaches out and thumbs the tears off my face. "I don't want to be a storm wreaking havoc, I want to be your sunny day."
Maddox runs a hand through his hair roughly, his green eyes look at me like I'm the most precious thing he's ever seen, but I can't find any words to say back. Maddox reaches for the doorknob and gives me one last look before leaving me alone in the dark.