Chapter 5
Iwalk next to Bull in silence, unsure if I should keep my trap shut or say something. The longer I’m quiet the worse I might be making it. I went from talking nonstop to mute. Why did he say sorry to me? I feel like I’m missing something here, but I don’t know what it is. What does he have to be sorry for? That man needed to be knocked down a time or two. What a freaking jerk.
The walk back to my apartment isn’t long and with each step I know we’re getting closer to me not seeing him again for days. I can’t do that all over again because I’ve been miserable. How can I miss someone I don’t even know that well? It’s going to be worse this time since we aren’t parting on the best of terms and I don’t want him to actively avoid me.
The mood between us has shifted and I don’t think asking him for one of those cooking lessons is on the agenda night now. If I’m honest I’m not sure I can read his mood. Can someone be super pissed and sad at the same time?
When we get back to our building I loathe each step we take up to our floor. I glance between our two doors and I hate the space between them. I know it’s because I’ve spent too much time checking out my peephole to see if Bull is coming or going.
Twice I debated going over and asking for something like sugar or flour. I chickened out, scared he’d ask what I was making and I had nothing I could use flour or sugar for. I also didn’t want to be a liar.
I wished so many times I just had the courage to walk over to his door and knock on it again like I did that first day, but then I had a reason. This time it would be clear I wanted to hang out, and I learned early in life a lot of people don’t enjoy hanging out with me. I’m either messing something up or talking too much.
After about a day of not seeing Bull I started making up the silliest reasons to go in and out of my front door. I went for a run that lasted three minutes because I tripped over the curb right outside the building and I knew it was a bad idea. But even with all the reasons I made up to go in and out of my door I still didn’t run into him. I started to think he was avoiding me.
Today can’t end this way. I just can’t let it. I’ve gone from having so much fun to empty inside. I’ve been trying to figure out this feeling that took up residence inside of me since I’ve been apart from Bull. There’s an emptiness and it vanished the moment I opened my door and saw Bull standing there. Not only had he been standing there but he was coming to see me.
Now that hole is coming back as I take my key out of my pocket and put it in the lock. When I open the door Bull follows me into my place and goes straight for my kitchen. He puts the groceries down on the counter and his gaze sweeps over my home. He takes everything in and it’s still kind of a mess. I have too much stuff and not enough room for everything without it looking cluttered.
I stand in the doorway of the kitchen so when he turns he’ll finally have to face me. I have to say this. I can’t let him walk out the door without doing it.
“Teeny I—”
“That was really sweet of you,” I blurt out and talk over him. He stands there for a moment like I’m speaking a different language. “I accidentally run into people all the time and break stuff and you were so nice to that guy.” He was polite and tried to be helpful, but the other guy had been a total jerk. I wanted to smack him. Heck, I wanted to smack the cashier, too. She openly stared at Bull and I’m pretty sure she wanted him. I was standing right there. I know we aren”t together but didn”t we kind of look like we could be? I didn’t like her gawking at all his muscles.
Walking around the store together felt so natural. It didn’t go unnoticed that not once had I knocked something over or almost tripped over myself. I even kept it together in the condom and baby aisle. I can’t let my mind go there right now. I have to stay focused on one thing at a time. If Bull doesn’t want to be around me I won’t be needing either of those aisles in the foreseeable future.
I’ll never be totally certain, but I’m pretty sure Bull kept me from my accidents. I feel safe around him. No one runs into me and the one time I did almost step off the curb without noticing, Bull nudged me over to keep me from doing it. I felt him guide me along, but my mind was always on where he was softly touching me and not where I was going.
I swear it was second nature to him. I’d thought for a moment he actually knew what accident I was going to have before I had it and he stopped some of them. Or maybe I’m making this bigger in my head than it really is.
I want to go back to before that man ruined our day. Bull was the one who said sorry first and it wasn’t even his fault. I’m so used to people being mean when I do something by mistake that when Bull rushed to make the man feel better, my heart melted at his sweetness.
Of course the jackass had to throw it back at Bull. I still can’t believe the balls the guy had to call Bull names. I was certain the guy was done for, but Bull is a good man and tried to calm everything down. Then the guy had his eyes on me and it goes to show that it didn”t matter how big or small, a bully will go for anyone. He saw Bull’s kindness as a weakness.
“I grabbed the man by his throat, sweets,” he reminds me, but my heart speeds up at the nickname and I lose focus. I want to ask if he calls everyone that or just me. My mom calls everyone “honey.” I don’t know why, but I like “sweets” that more than “sweetheart.” Maybe because it’s small and matches me more.
“He had it coming.” I say, nodding so emphatically my messy bun bounces. “I was about to throttle him for the way he was talking to you.”
“Don’t throttle anyone.” Bull takes a step towards me as if he’s going to stop me or take on the imaginary opponent right this second.
“I know I can’t really throttle someone, but I can give them a piece of my mind and tell them they’re rude.” For the first time in the last ten minutes a smile pulls at the corner of his lips and it fills up some of that empty space inside me.
“You have a lot of fire in you for being so…” He shakes his head, smiling more. “Teeny.”
“I know. I’m all bark.” I laugh and wave my hand dismissively. “Like one of those yapping dogs.” My shoulders drop. “No one takes me seriously.”
“But you keep on talking.” He sounds proud of me. I don’t hear him move but he’s right in front of me now. He puts a finger under my chin and lifts my head to look up at him. “You don’t let the rest of the world slow you down.”
His finger moves to trace my jaw back and forth. His touch is warm and I fight not to close my eyes and face plant into his giant body. I want to be as close to him as possible. He could wrap around me and I wouldn’t have a care in the world.
I lose the battle when his thumb traces my lips and I close my eyes. I tilt my head back and decide it will be easier to ask this question when I’m not looking into his eyes.
“Will you kiss me? No one has ever kissed me before.”