36
“I got us a suite with three queen beds.” I say to Adam under my breath at the front desk. Two older boys in one bed, me and Mikey in another, Adam in his own bed. Even in a huge suite, it’ll be the closest we’ve been to each other in months.
“K.” He says. His go-to one-syllable response to almost everything. I stop myself from rolling my eyes.
He arrives next to me at the counter and I feel his heat down my side. Why is he so close to me? And why does my whole body react to his scent? To the familiar way he towers over me, hot and firm. His dark eyes watch me but I don’t look in his direction.
I don’t know if I can handle this.
I don’t know if he’ll be able to tell.
Because damn, I miss him.
He found a house to rent down the street. He’s over most mornings and evenings so the boys haven’t picked up on the change yet, but I have. We have an evening schedule we’ve been working on so that he’s at the house with them some nights, and me the others. He’s always over early enough on Sundays so we appear together at church.
But it turns out I was seeing him a lot while we were separated but not really separated.
Now the separation is real. He’s not in the backyard. He’s gone.
We just haven’t told our families.
I think both of us know how huge of a deal it will be and we’re just not ready to face it. The thing about business at our level is that it never slows. Canton International and Bell International are thriving. Which means Adam and I are both drowning. Like we have been for years.
We prioritize the boys, I’ll give us that.
Bedtime, dinners, every school play and little league game, we’re there.
My three little dudes are growing like weeds, happy and talkative and sweet as can be.
Nothing like the man next to me.
“Your private cabana awaits.” The concierge says as she hands over the keys.
I freeze. “Our what?”
“Courtesy of Mr. Jon Canton, a quote ‘much needed upgrade.’” She grows excited as all the blood drains from my face. “You’ll have a secluded ocean view, your own plunge pool and your own butler, should you need anything at all.”
“What about the boys?” I wonder out loud.
“Mr. Canton told me to inform you he’s staying next to a Mrs. Black who will have the boys.”
“Loretta?” I am reeling. Dad flew out our nanny for us.
“Surprise!” The woman beams at me.
What is happening right now?
“Great.” Adam grunts with a tight grin, clearly as thrilled as I am.
I realize now why Dad was so weird about taking the boys for a walk so we could check in without them. What a sweet, terrible, nightmare of a gesture. Now what?
We follow someone from guest services to a golf cart. Then we’re driven by a young guy who, like Check In Girl, is entirely too peppy, around to what feels like the absolute farthest, most remote private hut. Well, not a hut. It’s like a modern, coastal tiny house. An A-frame with wall to wall windows on three sides, showing beach views on two sides and untouched jungle on the other.
It’s gorgeous.
And small.
Basically just room for the bed, two tiny nightstands, and one small chair.
The attendant goes on and on about amenities and activities neither of us care about.
Finally, he leaves and takes all of his pep with him.
Now it’s just me and Adam.
Alone.
“This is cozy.” He almost laughs.
“Sorry, I could call and try to change it but that would be suspicious.” He sighs and nods in agreement. “You think I could fit there on the floor? I probably can.”
“We can sleep in the same bed, Susan.”
Why does the idea of that make me all nervous and tingly?
“I, I mean, okay but, obviously, we’re just sleeping.”
“Didn’t have any trouble with that the last few years.” He mutters.
Aaaaand the tingles are gone.
I sigh. “Guess I asked for that. Let’s just avoid each other as much as we can and survive the week, okay? There’s enough drama with Sadie having to see both Shep, who I think we both know is her one true love, and Dennis, her ex fiancé. Unfortunate for all of us that Emerson loves them both. It’s got Samantha wound tight and she kind of is walking, talking drama sometimes. You and I don’t need to add to it.”
“I wouldn’t do anything to mess up Sammy’s wedding.” He says softly. Defeated.
“Sorry. You’re right.” I take a deep breath. Adam may be a grouch but he’s an honorable man. My family has become his family over the years, he wouldn’t mess up this day for Samantha.
Adam looks up at me and his eyes are…different. Concerned? I turn away and start unpacking my bag.
“So, we have a dinner tonight and we can just switch off evening bedtimes and help Loretta. I sent her a text on the drive over here but Dad says she hasn’t landed yet. In fact, we could say the boys are scared or not feeling well and one of us needs to—” I stop in my tracks because he’s still staring at me. “What?”
The corner of his mouth perks up. “I missed this.”
“Ugh, don’t.” I turn away again. “I’ll stop. There’s an itinerary in Sam’s email, I’m sure you saw it. Sally already refused a hug. Skye called me a buzzkill and Sam’s already given me a lecture about how I’m not the wedding planner. So, you don’t have to pile on. I know, I’m annoying and too uptight and over the top but you know what? You know who makes the world run? Annoying, uptight people.” I mutter under my breath, annoyed. “I bet the wedding planner is uptight.”
I hear Adam chuckle behind me. But I don’t turn to look. He looks great, as freaking always. I’m pretty sure I look tired and old. I feel tired and old. Beyond my insecurities, seeing him smile for the first time in months might reopen all the wounds I’ve been bandaging up these last few months.
Okay, maybe avoiding more than bandaging. Either way, I can’t look at him right now.
“You should go find the boys, help my dad.” I order him, immediately wishing I hadn’t. Two seconds together and I’ve bugged him about logistics and bossed him around already.
Perfect.
“K.” I hear him make his way to the cabana door in a couple long strides, then he stops. “There’s only one golf cart. Looks like we’ll have to stick together.”
“I can walk,” I offer.
“Suze, c’mon.” He shuts the door and comes up behind me. “Hey.”
I turn around and he’s too close. Too tall, too tan, too big and warm and just too much. I back up but the bed blocks my legs. There’s nowhere to go.
“It’s just a few days.” He says softly. “Truce?” He extends his hand. I slip my fingers into his, prepare to shake on it, but he pulls me in and hugs me. My shocked breath catches in my throat, and he squeezes me tighter. In an instant, I am that young girl, standing in the middle of campus, encompassed by his strong arms and the faint smell of wood shavings.
It’s the most comforting feeling in the world.
Which is terrifying.
I drop my arms and he pulls away.
“I’ll wait in the golf cart for you.”
He leaves the cabana and I stand frozen, heart racing.
What the heck was that?!
_____
“How’d you sleep?” Adam asks when I enter the cabana the next morning. Thank goodness I was able to stay with Loretta and the boys. She was happy for the help and she, of course, knows that we’re separated. She also knows how to keep her mouth shut. She gives both myself and Adam plenty of side-eye, and may or may not have mentioned she doesn’t believe in divorce as a devout Catholic, but she clearly didn’t say anything to my father.
“Fine.” I say, trying not to get an eyeful of shirtless Adam or naked Adam or who knows what. But he’s got a shirt on and is covered by the duvet, thankfully.
“Boys okay?”
“Yep.”
“Good.”
“Yep.”
He flops from his side flat onto his back and sighs, staring up at the ceiling. The sigh feels loaded. I think maybe he’ll say something. I wait for an admission. Or for some more teasing. But of course, the words never come out of his mouth.
“I am going to put some things in a bag and take it to the boys’ room, you can have this bathroom to yourself.”
“All right.” He says quietly.
I make quick work of packing some things and getting out of the little a-frame. It feels charged in there. Electric. Which is just weird. We lived in the same house without any kind of undercurrent. Is it the tropics? Reminiscent of our honeymoon maybe? Or just being close to each other after months of distance?
No matter what it is, it’s affecting me far too much.
____
I’m sitting by the resort’s shaded swing set area with the kids when my phone starts blowing up.
Janie: Ladies, I’m going to need you all to meet me at the main cabana ASAP.
Sam: J?
Sam: What’s up?
Sam: Is it an emergency!?!?!
Janie: Urgent but not an emergency.
Skye: omw
Sally: me too
Kat: one sec
Susan: I also need a sec
Sam: I need to know what’s going on!!!!
Janie: No secs. Drop what you’re doing. And…I’m not exactly sure, but I know you’re going to want to see it.
Sadie: Even me?
Janie: Especially you.
I smile and make sure Loretta’s okay with me sneaking off to see whatever Janie is up to.
Janie is Skye’s best friend but also grew close with Samantha in the city. Skye and Sam were roommates in New York before they fell in love with Matt and Emerson. When I reach the group I find all the bridesmaids - Skye, Sally, our cousin Kat, myself and Janie, and the bride, clearly all coming from different activities. Sadie joins right behind me.
“So?” Sadie yawns.
“Yeah, So?” Sam practically yells at Janie.
“Follow me.” Janie has mischief sparkling in her bright hazel eyes. We follow obediently although Sam keeps pestering her for more information. Janie just laughs, giving away nothing. She leads past the pools and a couple recreational buildings and stops at a corner. We can hear the men’s voices so the girls start to whisper, asking Janie a million questions. The tall, subdued, sometimes snarky, could-be-a-supermodel bombshell simply motions with her hand for us to walk around the building’s side and see for ourselves.
Sam squeals. Sally laughs.
And the words “Oh my,” slip out of me.
Because the men are putting on some kind of wood chopping porno show. They almost all have their shirts off, or at least their buttons open. So much skin…a lot of it Adam’s and wait, what the hell?
Where is his dad bod?
What happened to his midsection?
Why can I count eight completely defined abs again like I could back when he worked out most of his waking hours?
My mouth is dry.
Chills run down my arms and heat runs through…other areas.
It’s like the hug.
Snapping me back fifteen years.
I have to drag my eyes off of him when the girls start cat-calling. Or whatever the female-to-male equivalent of cat-calling is.
Skye calls back to Janie, “Why didn’t you tell us to grab some popcorn and some drinks, Janie?”
The men laugh and tease us about pulling up chairs to watch. And damn, maybe we should.
Emerson Clark, the groom, my college friend and our company CFO, is blushing in an oh so British way. His brothers Byron and Benedict are as tall and handsome as he is, though Byron has a bit of a dad bod going, like Adam has—no, had? I refuse to look back at my husband to check. Ex-husband. Almost.
Benedict is the player in the Clark family, making it obvious he’s enjoying the attention as he checks out the single women. Matt is like a leaner, nicer, happier version of my husband with dark hair and tanned skin. Dennis, another British billionaire and Emerson’s longtime friend, is the taller, snobbier version.
Shep and Adam, though, it’s clear they played Division One football. So much thick, corded muscle. I don’t know what Adam’s face looks like right now, but Shep is positively beaming because he caught Sadie ogling him.
For years I held out hope, wishing those two would work it out and find their way back to each other. Now I am not so hopeful. I could be projecting, though.
“Turn around and chop in the other direction, Mr. Clark.” Samantha calls to Emerson. He does what she asks with a small smile. “Forget about your billions, I’m only marrying you for that ass!”
“Angel,” Emerson pleads under his breath, but he’s too late. The guys all pile on about his butt, cooing like a group of school girls. Even Adam laughs.
Again, this is too much.
His full, gorgeous smile?
His sweaty arms working in the sunlight like they used to at the job sites?
He locks eyes with me right as his smile fades into a small, knowing, cocky grin.
Crap!
I can’t.
I’m out of here.
As the laughter settles, Skye propositions Matthew who promptly drops his ax and throws her over his shoulder.
“This is pretty awkward for me, so, I’m gonna go.” Sally says. She’s over a decade younger than us, and three of the guys are her brothers-in-law.
Sadie says something about leaving. Grateful for an excuse to exit, I clear my throat and manage to say, “We’ll leave you to it!” My voice sounds weird but I just keep walking.
As I walk back across the resort a thought hits me and I stumble on the uneven path.
Adam could not care less what I think of him. We don’t see each other in swimsuits or naked or even see each other at all anymore, period.
So, like an ax to my sternum the question hits me, brutal, sudden, slicing me open with pain.
Who, exactly did he get in shape for?