37
“I didn’t get you a fancy cabana so you could bunk with your nanny Susan now quit fussing! The boys are already asleep. They’re fine!” My dad scolds me after a long day of sun, swimming, drinking and laughing. I’m having some fun, because my little sisters are a riot. And my cousin Kat. And Janie too, in a silent until she suddenly adds a hilarious zinger kind of way.
But it’s hard, being around family. Seeing the joy a new marriage brings, knowing mine is ending. That’s why I’ve probably hit the mimosas and mojitos a little too hard today.
Why I’m not fighting dad as he pushes me away from the main hotel, where my boys are staying, toward the private suite he surprised us with.
Toward Adam.
I catch a ride from an employee and hope the evening breeze will sober me up a bit. It doesn’t.
Oh well, Adam left the dinner festivities before I did, he’s probably asleep. I’ll just slip in and pass out on the far side of the king size mattress.
Except he’s not asleep.
“Susan?”
“Hey! Sorry!” I whisper.
“I’m up.” He says, gesturing down to himself, standing. Not in bed. Clearly awake. And just showered? He’s just in a towel.
Why, Lord? Why couldn’t he be asleep.
“Right. Obviously. You’re up.”
He smirks. Because I can’t look away from his broad chest. The water running down his muscular neck, dripping from his thick, dark hair.
“You’re still whispering,” he says.
“You’re naked.” I say, taking a few steps toward him involuntarily.
“Swimming.”
I get close. Close enough to make my heart speed up, to see if his heart does too. His eyes take me in. I’m wearing a loose sundress, just like the ones I wore a million years ago on our honeymoon. I never wear these types of dresses.
He swallows.
He swallowed!
“Right. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”
He laughs under his breath and why wouldn’t he because, uhhh, did I just quote finding Nemo to get in my husband’s pants? How much have I had to drink? Do I care?
I step forward. I can’t help it. For fifteen years his giant, warm body has been the most comforting thing in my life. My favorite place. Home. I want to touch him.
So I do.
I put my pale, small hands on his expansive, tanned chest and all of his muscles pull tight at the touch.
He inhales, watching me. But I don’t lock eyes with him, I look at his abs, his hands, the white towel barely hanging on to his waist.
“Susan,” he’s whispering now. “What are you doing?”
I finally look him in the eyes. “Forgetting.” I say. I don’t know if he remembers saying that to me when we were kids. His offer to forget the arrangement, the pressure, the questions. To push it all aside, get out of our heads and into our bodies. Into what feels good.
My hands have been still on his chest, which is rising and falling faster and faster. I move one hand up into his hair. I tug.
He closes his eyes for a beat before he gently puts his hands on my forearms and looks down at me. “Suzie, baby, you’re drunk.”
“Pft, I don’t get drunk.”
“It has happened before.”
“Ugh, and you were there. Of course.” I sway a little bit and he catches me. “You always see me at my worst.”
He frowns. “And your best.”
“Just forget everything with me, please?” I whisper, closing my eyes and feeling the room spin.
“Oh, I will. But in the morning.”
I slump forward and he moves one hand to my hip, the other on my neck. “It’ll be over in the morning.” I mutter. I know I’m right. This moment will be gone. We’ll be back to awkward silence interrupted only by bitter one-liners.
“No it won’t.” He kisses my forehead. “C’mon, let’s get you in bed.”
“Will that stop the room from spinning?”
He laughs. “Sure.”
He picks me up in one swift motion, which definitely doesn’t help my woozy head. But a moment later I’m in the cool, soft sheets. He turns the sleek overhead fan on, turns off the lights and moves to the closet to drop his swim trunks and put boxers on. It’s so quick I don’t get to check out his ass. Shame. He slides in next to me.
“You’re so far over there,” I say, studying his firm profile, speckled with moonlight and beautiful as ever. Without a word he reaches over and slides his long fingers under my waist and then pulls, folding me into him with one fluid motion. I curl up into his side like I never left.
He doesn’t pull up the blankets and I remember why we didn’t cuddle much in the last few years.
“Oh, are you too hot?” I ask as I move off his body.
He holds me in place. “I’m good.” He says softly.
I think.
I’m already half asl…
_____
HOLY FIERY FURNACE, IT’S SO HOT
Why is it so hot in here?
I open my eyes and shift my pillow.
Oh. It’s not a pillow.
Last night comes back to me in a rush.
Did I really ask him to have sex with me!?
Ughhhhhh!
And! He said no.
Could this week get any worse?
I slowly move off of Adam’s body and over to the other side of the bed. I look at the hotel clock. 5AM. Early enough for me to say I went to work out? Sure.
I search the floor for my purse, phone and shoes and slink out of the cabana as quietly as possible. I am not sure if he woke up or not, he normally sleeps like the dead, but either way it’s mortifying.
Susan, what in the actual…?! A little rum and a lot of hard muscle and you throw yourself at your soon-to-be-ex husband? Really?
I walk the long walk back to the hotel and wonder what comes next. In the past, when we were best friends and lovers and everything else, he would’ve teased me endlessly about this. Then he would’ve screwed my brains out six ways to Sunday.
I sigh as I walk along.
We had a good run.
I bite my lip, remembering. A really really good run.
But that was a lifetime ago.
First, I’ll find some water and some pain killers. Then I’ll sneak into the boys suite to sleep this off. I’ll find some coffee and avoid Adam and just make it through this wedding. Surely that embarrassing display last night is as bad as it’ll get.
_____
“You left.” Adam surprises me at the buffet line, looking fresh and rested and just, ugh, still so hot.
“What will it take for you to never mention that again?” I whisper, looking around. “You want the house? I’ll give you the house.” I say, not meaning it. There’s no way he’d take the house in the divorce because the boys need the stability of staying there with me.
“The house?” He says getting louder.
“How about the cabin at the lake? I can make sure you get the cabin.” I say, again just rambling nervously.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“In the divorce papers.” I grit out through my teeth, smiling and waving at a friend of the family across the buffet from us. He’s about eighty so hopefully he couldn’t hear even if I weren’t mumbling through my smile.
Adam touches my arm. “The what? ”
“The papers Adam.” I sigh at him. “You should get served this week or next.” He inhales, angry, ready to blow and I pull my arm away. “Please, I’m begging you, let this go. Very funny, I got drunk and tried to seduce you and failed miserably. Ha ha ha. Peak Susan. You were right, I was wasted and it would’ve been a huge mistake. Just please leave it.”
“Morning kids!” My dad comes up behind Adam in the line, happy and loud and…a lot for the state I’m in.
Adam touches my elbow. “We’re not done.” He says for only me to hear before turning to my dad. “Morning Jon.”
They start talking sports and I keep piling food I’m not going to eat onto my plate.
Okay, so, he’s not letting it go.
Great.
Maybe things can, and let’s face it, probably will, get worse.
_____
Well, I was right.
I swore I’d never drink again after last night, but everyone else had way too much to drink at the joint bachelor and bachelorette night. Including Adam. Maybe especially Adam. And all the guys.
Since Sadie’s ex-love of her life, Shep, and her ex-fiance, Dennis, are both here to support Emerson, things have gotten tense. I can see the angry sidelong glances, the flexing hands and working jaws. I think the others have had too much to drink to pick up on it, though. We all wobble into the lobby together.
“Can I walk you to your villa?” I overhear Bennedict ask Sadie.
“Oh, yes, bloody hell, man, take your swing at the wench even though you’re gonna miss,” Dennis mutters from behind us. He clearly said the words much louder than he meant to.
“What did you just say?” Shep growls beside him. I brace myself. This is not good.
“Piss off Shep, you know as well as I do,” Dennis shrugs off Shep’s hand on his arm and turns to Ben, who is frozen in shock at Sadie’s side. “Listen, mate, maybe you’ll get lucky and she’ll bite her little lip and lie to your face too. I mean I’ll give her that, she’s a seductive little c—“
Before Dennis can finish the insult, Shep’s fist is uppercutting into his jaw.
Shep throws Dennis down to the ground and keeps screaming and landing blows to the face before Adam and Emerson are pulling Shep away.
Adam turns and glares at Sadie as he untangles himself from the scuffle. “What did you do, Sadie?” He barks at my younger sister.
He’s fuming at her out of nowhere.
“Adam!” I scold him from her side. I can tell he regrets the words as soon as they’re out of his mouth, but it’s too late. Sadie is shaking, overwhelmed, and promptly vomits all over the lobby floor.
“Crap, I-I’m sorry,” Adam mutters.
He tries to approach us and help.
“Get back.” I mutter at him. “Take your bitter bullshit and leave us alone. Leave me alone.” I turn to everyone else and take over, yelling over a very concerned Shep and a very angry Dennis. “Shut it, all of you! Shut up and clean up!” I gather Sadie up. “Come on, sweetie, we’ve got you. Sally, text Skye and have her meet us at your villa. Sam, order some crackers and ice. Sade, Sadie? Sade, you need to breathe.”
She does, but it’s shaky.
As I walk with my sisters I wonder what the hell that was all about back there. One thing I know for sure is it had nothing to do with Sadie. But, do I even care any more? Angry Adam is angrier than usual. Big surprise.
Maybe he really wanted to get laid this morning.
Maybe he thought he was already getting the cabin in the settlement.
Maybe he was just sticking up for his best friend Shep.
Doesn’t matter.
Just like the beginning of our relationship.
None of it matters anymore.
Now I just need to make it real.
I need to tell my family.