Chapter Twenty-Two #2
She laughed a little. Tom had a point.
“Anjali has a friend whose sister is a psychologist,” he said. “She comes highly recommended.”
Delia narrowed her eyes. “Aren’t there long waiting lists for good therapists?”
“Push come to shove, you can always go private. You can afford it, sis.”
She folded her arms. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I want to pore over my childhood for years and years without getting anywhere.” In fact, she could think of nothing worse.
“It’s not like that at all. Things have progressed since the days of Sigmund Freud.
I’d say you’d appreciate the practical approach of cognitive behavioral therapy.
” He took both her hands and held them. “We’ve been through hell, you and me.
We were small, helpless, and utterly dependent on our dysfunctional parents. That’s a lot to process, to shake off.”
She hummed. “I suppose.”
He warmed to the subject. “You’ve given everything to your career, give something to yourself for a change, and get the help you need.
You’re going to be a mother. That’s a huge amount of work and responsibility.
You’ve got to be at your most stable for that.
Delia, you’re carrying this massive wound from our childhood, and if you’re not careful, you’ll pass it on to your kid.
Your research in epigenetics proves the very point. ”
She looked straight ahead, focusing on a point above his shoulder.
“I’m going to listen to you this time, because I’ll need all the help I can get once he marries Vanessa and they start having children.
” She closed her eyes and took another sip of water.
“Tom, there’s one more thing. Could you collect a painting for me? ”
~ * ~
“S andra, you’re an absolute angel.” Delia smiled at her laptop screen. She’d managed to arrange a video call with her friend and was determined to sound upbeat throughout.
“What?” Sandra squinted at her. “For sending you a booking link for cheap flights to Munich?”
“That and for having me over. I can’t wait to get out of Renwood for a while.” Delia was clinging to the idea of a long weekend away.
She hadn’t dared take any more time off, but she needed to escape everything that reminded her of Gabriel. Terrified of running into him and his new partner, she spent more time than ever at the university before racing home to sleep.
Sandra tilted her head. “And why would that be? John Winter being more of an ass than usual?”
“No, nothing out of the ordinary.” Delia winced at the overly cheerful tone of her voice. “I just need a change of scenery, that’s all, and I want to see you, of course.”
She’d missed Sandra ever since she had taken flight and abandoned her in John Winter’s lab.
The rest of her colleagues were none too pleased that Delia had nabbed the tenured job they’d all been vying for, and it showed.
But thankfully, she was in charge of hiring the new scientist to fill the vacancy.
“Lovely, can’t wait to show you the city and the Christmas markets.” Sandra’s eyes sparkled. “You’ll love it. I’m warning you though, it’s freezing here. Make sure you bring the warmest jacket you own.”
“Yes, sounds great.” Delia rubbed her hands. “Any recommendations for hotels near you?”
“No, you’re staying with me, or I’ll be mortally offended.” Sandra grinned. “I hope that’s invitation enough for you.”
Delia laughed. “See you next weekend then.”
She closed the laptop, snuggled deeper into the seat of her sofa and pulled her blue mohair blanket over her legs.
Sleep had become elusive over the last couple of weeks, and she suffered the lack of it to her very bones.
Every night without fail, she woke at 4 AM and lay there drowning in regret.
She’d tried all manner of supplements and relaxation techniques but to no avail.
The white noise machine was useless and, listening to ocean sounds made her want to pee.
Trying to calm a brain like hers was an uphill battle.
Her little trip to Germany was a welcome distraction, even though the mere thought of packing and braving the airport crowds made her weary.
She managed it though, and with her last ounce of resolve she arrived in Bavaria and fell straight into her friend’s arms. Sandra shepherded Delia to a small flat on the top floor of a 1950’s apartment building.
She took one long look at Delia and pointed to the fold-out-sofa in her living room.
“You’re totally wiped out. Have a rest before we go to the Christmas market. ”
Delia dropped her bag and coat and happily complied.
The evening wrapped itself close around Delia and Sandra as they walked underneath twinkling Christmas lights strung across the streets of Munich. Their breaths formed clouds in the cold, crisp air, and the snow-covered Alps glowed in the distance.
Delia tucked her chin into the collar of her woolen coat. “Where are we headed?”
“To the Marienplatz, since you’re a real tourist.” Sandra nudged her. “We’ll start with the biggest and most popular of the Christmas markets.”
“Excellent,” Delia said. “I want to try red candied apples and sweet roasted almonds and weird herbal boiled sweets, and a thing called Dampfnudeln and maybe some Kartoffelpuffer .”
“You certainly did your research.” Sandra linked arms with her, and together, they sauntered through the festive city.
Marienplatz, illuminated by a million fairy lights and crammed with wooden huts selling everything from wind-up toys to hand-blown glass, was filled with people.
The gothic revival facade of the New Town Hall formed the magnificent backdrop, and an irresistible aroma of heated sugar and cinnamon lured them to the food stalls.
“Let’s start off with a nice cup of mulled wine,” Sandra suggested. “That’ll warm us up right away.”
“Erm,” Delia stalled. “Do they... Is there...a non-alcoholic equivalent?”
“Sure, Kinderpunsch , but why...?” Sandra narrowed her eyes and focused on Delia, before breaking into a wide smile. She folded Delia into a hug. “Congratulations. I take it you and your earl are expecting a baby at last.”
“We are but...” Delia stiffened, desperate to withstand the wave of sadness that threatened to overtake her.
Sandra released Delia and clasped her shoulders. “What’s the matter? Tell me.”
Her control crumbled, and her eyes welled up. “I... You know, I told you Gabriel and I were friends and had planned to co-parent and...” A sob rose in her throat, and she hid her face in her hands.
This was awful. She was crying in public, burdening her friend with her self-manufactured problems when it was all her own stupid, stupid fault. She should at least be able to knuckle down and power through the consequences unaided.
“You fell in love with him, didn’t you?” Sandra asked, her eyes filled with compassion.
Delia nodded but didn’t trust herself to speak.
“And he doesn’t reciprocate?” Sandra released Delia but held on to her elbow.
“It’s...ah...worse, actually.” Delia lifted her gaze to the majestic Christmas tree, all decked out in fairy lights, that towered over the center of the market.
Sandra tightened her hold. “How?”
“He said he loved me, but I rebuffed him, convinced I wasn’t a relationship person.
Then I found out I was pregnant, and I was over the moon.
So, I went to tell him even though we’d fallen out, somehow thinking this would change everything, but then.
..” Delia squeezed her eyes shut to stem a new flow of tears.
“He got back together with his former fiancée. I realized then that I loved him but lost him all at the same time.”
“ Oh nein, wie grauenhaft. I’m so sorry.” Sandra hugged Delia again and held her while she sobbed into her coat. “Will we go back to my flat?”
“No, let’s keep going.” Delia dug a tissue from her coat pocket and dried her eyes. “Sorry for ruining the festive mood.”
“Stop that now.” Sandra’s tone was firm. “You’re my friend, and friends tell each other things—bad things, good things, all sorts of things.”
They linked arms again and resumed their stroll around the market. Sandra bought two candied apples and handed one to Delia. “Here, I dare you not to get the sticky, red sugary stuff all over your face and hands.”
Delia softened. It had been a good decision to come. Talking things through with Sandra made her feel less like an empty husk and more like a human being. For Sandra, no topic was off limits, and that was a relief.
Sandra swallowed a bite of candied apple.
“I sometimes think folks like us, STEM academics, we’re putting so much of our time and energy into research and everything that comes with a university career that we kind of lose out on other experiences.
We’re less clued-in regarding relationships than other people, you know, those crazy types with free week ends. ”
Delia puffed out a cloudy breath into the freezing cold. “I hate them.”
“So do I.” Sandra laughed, then her expression became serious. “How are you coping? Now you’re pregnant and Gabriel’s no longer in the picture?”
“The thing is, he still wants to co-parent and even accompany me to the scans. I’m not sure how to handle it.” Delia pressed her lips together. How was she ever to face him without crumbling to pieces? “My brother thinks I should see a psychotherapist.”
“That sounds like a good idea. Are you going to?” Sandra asked.
Delia wrung her hands. “Yes, I think I will.” Tom had been insistent, and Anjali had given her the name and number of the therapist. All Delia had to do was pick up the phone.
“Good.” Sandra touched Delia’s upper arm. “Glad to hear it. Now, let’s get you a Dampfnudel . Your unborn child is going to thank me for the rush of endorphins it’s going to release in your body.”