Chapter 7
“HE’S TAKING A BATH.” I WAS PACING BETWEEN BEN’S AND MY twin beds and holding my phone hard against my ear. I could tell from his huffing through the phone that Ben was dodging piles of garbage as he walked home from his shift at Lifers Bar & Grill.
“A bath?! What happened to drinks?”
Ben and I had been living together for three months. We had already fallen into a comfortable routine of texting, weekend date days, pushing our beds together to watch TV, and then separating them again for sleep.
“We did that already!” My whisper was harsh.
I looked at the bathroom door. My date, Ethan, was still in there.
It was my first date since I’d moved to New York.
No, that’s wrong. Technically, it was my first date in years.
I had met Ethan at my internship and thought he was cute, witty, and charming. We had a fun back-and-forth.
“Ethan said it had been years since he took a bath and that his apartment only had a shower. I offered it up as a joke.” I raked my hand through my hair and gave it a frustrated pull.
“Ellie, he didn’t hear it as a joke. He heard it as an invitation, you absolute dumbass,” Ben hissed through the phone.
“I realize that now! But it’s been sixteen minutes. I can hear his ass squeaking against the fiberglass.” I grabbed my lucky golf ball that I’d held on to since the Women’s Long Drive and rubbed it across my strained forehead.
“If you want to get in there, then get in there!” Ben barked.
“It’s too late! I haven’t slept with a thousand men. My number is two. TWO! I don’t know what I’m doing!”
“Does he know you live with a guy? Bold of him to take a bath in my tub.”
“I think so. I don’t know. He’s nice. He’s from Nebraska. He’s twenty-five. He was a magician in college—”
“Ellie, no!” I could hear Ben stifle his laughter through the phone and traded the golf ball for a glass of wine.
“He told me he has a washer and dryer inside his apartment, and I can’t stop thinking about it.
I can’t let that go! What am I supposed to do, go back to the laundromat?
Fuck that, Ben. Fuck. That.” I shivered, thinking about our four-block trek to the laundromat every two weeks.
Ben and I would sit in horribly mismatched clothing and inside-out underwear for hours, claiming our machines like hungry vultures and watching them spin hypnotically.
The laundromat felt like a literal death spiral where we were both the predators and the prey.
“What’s that noise in the background? Are you watching TV?”
My eyes widened, and I threw my face into my wine. “He said he’s a history buff,” I muttered. “I thought I’d put on a documentary for after he got out of the bath, as a special surprise and to make him think I’m smart, too.”
“What did you put on?”
“Um . . .” My eyes darted toward the television. “Fahrenheit 9/11.” I waited ten seconds before breaking the silence. “Ben?”
“This is dire, buddy.” Ben snorted. I just knew he was clutching his stomach. I could practically see his delight shine through my phone.
“I told you, I don’t know what I’m doing! I didn’t even realize how much of a date this was until after he got in the bath. I. Am. Bad. At. This!” I whispered aggressively.
“No. Shit.”
“You can’t come home,” I begged.
“I can see Grayrock. I’m looking at our Christmas lights right now. I’ve had a long shift and I’m tired, so I am, one hundred percent, coming home to see this shitshow. You either get in there and take a bath with your magician—”
“Ben!” I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Or it’s gonna be so awkward when he comes out all wet and you’re sitting there watching Fahrenheit 9/11 with your full-grown-man roommate.” Ben was howling now. “Holy shit. I’m so excited!” His laugh was infectious.
“I can hear how naked he is.” My eyes fell to the closed bathroom door, knowing Ethan was behind it.
For a moment, I put myself in Ethan’s shoes.
He was probably sitting uncomfortably in the tiny tub, cold water barely covering his body, his dick and balls floating to the surface of the filmy water, and wondering what I was doing.
I had to cover my mouth to keep from spitting out my wine with laughter.
“I mean it, I’m coming! And I’m really close!” I could hear Ben’s breath quicken.
“Stop running!”
Ben was laughing again, and I hung up as angrily as I could with an iPhone. I chugged my full glass of wine and, like a clumsy child, took off my clothes. I stood in front of the closed bathroom door and drew in a strained breath as I reached for the door handle.
“I’m going in. This is what people do. I’m cool. I’m casual. This isn’t weird.” I realized I was talking out loud. “Shut up, you idiot, you’re talking to yourself!” Code Red. I was losing it.
From behind the bathroom door, I could hear a muffled “What?”
“What?!” I shouted back in a blind panic.
The front door swung open. The surprising movement caused me to jump. My instinct was to swing the bathroom door open and hide inside, concealing my nude body from Ben as he stormed through the front door. I slammed the bathroom door shut just as I heard Ben sing out, “Honey, I’m home!”
I faced the inside of the bathroom door, feeling relieved that Ben hadn’t discovered me standing in the middle of the apartment naked and talking to myself. Then I heard Ethan’s small voice behind me. “Ellie?”
Aghhh! I forgot about Ethan!
I spun around slowly with a fake smile plastered across my face. “Hey, Ethan. What’s up, bud?”
He looked me over and stammered, “What are you doing?”
“Just hanging out.” I leaned awkwardly against the door.
“Was that another guy I heard?” Ethan sat up in the bath, and I could see everything beneath the water’s surface.
“My roommate. He’s super cool, though, you know, with this whole thing.” My strangled laugh sounded like a dying whale.
An agonizingly long moment passed before another word was spoken. “It’s just, I’ve been in here for a while, and after the first five minutes, I didn’t think you were coming in. Then I didn’t know how to leave.”
“Oh, totally. Totally, totally. Totally.” I nodded like a bobblehead.
“I’m just surprised. Your nipples . . . This is all surprising at this point. Have you had kids?”
“THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY NIPPLES, YA FUCKIN’ MAGICIAN!” I screamed. I looked at Ethan, naked, and he looked back at me, naked.
KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.
“How’s everything going in there?” Ben asked through the bathroom door. I could hear him swallowing his laughter as I burned brighter than the sun.
Later that night, Ben, Lucas, Zoe, and I were in line to get into Key One Lounge, a live blues bar on Bleecker that Lucas swore by. He promised he would get me in, but I had my doubts. We were twenty people deep in the line, but it was still moving.
“When did he leave?” Zoe asked before blowing warm air into her gloves.
Zoe had quickly become one of my all-time favorite people. She was the type of girl who always went for what she wanted. I envied her gumption. If she wanted to see someone naked, she would have no problem.
Zoe was invited to everything, but she didn’t always go.
Being social fed her and fulfilled her, like every other extrovert, but she had dueling personalities that I found fascinating.
She was soft and hard, sugar and salt, bold and terrified.
Her traits constantly battled each other.
I couldn’t wait to introduce Zoe to Hannah and Kara, and I worried about how quickly Jacob would take off his clothes if I ever introduced the two of them.
“Oh, Ethan took off right away. It was horrifying.” I opened my jacket and fixed my boobs in my bra. I saw Lucas’s eyes slip down to my chest, and I glared back. “See anything you like there, pal?”
Lucas shrugged. “They’re fine, I guess.”
Ben tossed his head back with a chuckle.
Zoe smacked Lucas in his puffy jacket’s shoulder, then asked, “Did Ben see you naked?”
“No naked Ellie for me. Though, trust me, I’m trying.” Ben smiled teasingly.
“It’s not an easy feat. Just ask everyone from my high school. That was always a fun joke. I mean, it took years for Rory to see me naked.” I shook my head, laughing at myself to cover the embarrassment.
“You’re not in high school anymore, and I’m not Rory.”
“You’re also not my boyfriend,” I bit back smugly.
“Neither was he.” Ben leveled his eyes at me.
Zoe wrapped her arms around my waist. “Don’t be a dick, Benjamin.” She squeezed me. “Besides, it doesn’t matter how long it took for your childhood sweetheart to see you naked. It took Ethan one bath, which is quite the exceptional magic trick, if you ask me.”
“It wasn’t Ethan. It was the alcohol.” I mined my purse and started applying lipstick.
My hands cramped in the cold. “And I took off my clothes with Rory long before we actually got naked together. My mom was there. It was a thing,” I mumbled, hoping no one was listening.
They were. All faces were showing repulsion, but no one asked questions.
“Are you going to keep seeing Ethan at your internship?” Ben swiftly moved the topic away from Rory.
“Yup. Definitely. Big lesson for your girl. Do not date your coworkers. It will never happen again.” The idea of seeing Ethan and picturing his floating dick and balls while he walked past my desk made me ill.
“I don’t want to love this, but I do.” Zoe giggled.
“He’s Justin’s producing partner’s assistant. I can’t get away from him. We have a good banter at the office, too. I don’t know what happened,” I shuddered, then grabbed a water bottle from my bag and took a sip.
“You didn’t realize you were on a date. I’m fairly sure that’s what happened,” Ben quipped.
“Story of my life,” I sighed.