Chapter 2
two
“OWNER OF A LONELY HEART” — YES
Miller
People give going to work a bad name. All those memes about hating Mondays? About how working in an office is soul-sucking? Yeah, I’ve never understood those.
You know what actually sucks? Leaving work and going home to an empty house. Leaving the office on a Friday and knowing no one will notice or even care if you live or die between now and when you clock back in on Monday morning.
What about friends? What about family? What about hobbies?
That’s what you’re thinking, right?
Well, I’m not exactly a sociable person.
I don’t like crowds. I fucking hate small talk.
I hate loud music even more. Sure, I have buddies that I served with, but they’re either still serving or have scattered.
So, yeah, we chat sometimes, but it’s not like I’m going to fly to the Caribbean to hangout with them for the weekend.
Which means if I’m not at work, I’m alone. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind being alone.
But if I am at work, there’s at least a chance she’ll be there.
The she in question is Tavey Ramsey.
Her desk is across from mine. She’s too young for me.
A bubbling ray of sunshine and joy wrapped in the package of a human.
She’s so fucking smart that every project we work on together comes together like magic.
Her mind works in rapid, careening bursts that are the perfect complement to my relentless attention to detail.
She brings a kind of energy and enthusiasm to everything that makes just showing up at the office a goddamn delight.
Also, she’s fucking adorable. She’s a tiny bundle of curves with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen and wavy brown hair she occasionally dyes some outrageous color.
Being around her makes me hard as granite. And it makes me feel about a thousand years old.
In years, I’ve only got about a decade on her. In life experience, I’ve got eons.
Which doesn’t keep me from wanting her.
She’s too young. She’s too sweet. And the last thing she needs is an old dude like me creeping after her.
Which is why I have every intention of staying away from her.
That is personally. Professionally, staying away from her isn’t exactly an option since our desks are four feet apart.
Besides, like I said, working with her is magic.
We’re both more productive together than we ever would be apart.
And I owe FMJ way too much to sabotage my career just because I can’t keep my dick in my pants.
We’ve worked together for nearly three years. I’ve made it this long without asking her out. Except…
All my big plans and noble intentions come to a screeching halt when I walk into work on Monday and find her chatting with Devon by the coffeemaker.
Devon is an asshole.
Yeah, I know. Most people would say I’m an asshole, too.
But he’s an asshole in all the ways I’m not an asshole. Devon is a friendly neighborhood asshole. The kind of guy who is everyone’s friend but is also always stirring up office gossip. Maybe it makes me the asshole, but I instinctively don’t trust anyone that affable.
He’s closer to her age, good-looking and smooth, and has already dated half the office. My friend Cassie, who is married to my buddy Nick, assures me it’s passé to be judgmental about him being bisexual. According to her, “I don’t have to understand it. I just have to accept it.”
Despite Cassie’s assumption, that’s not why he bugs me.
What bothers me is that he’s flirting with Tavey when—as I said—he’s fucked half the office.
It doesn’t bother me who he fucks. What bothers me is the way he treats the people he fucks. As if they’re disposable. I don’t know, maybe that attitude is just as old fashioned. But when it comes to Tavey?
Fuck. I don’t want any man’s hands on her, certainly not Devon’s.
Tavey is a lot of things—brilliant, quirky, and weird in the best possible way. She is not disposable.
When I show up and hear her laughter coming from the break room, I divert my path to follow the sound and end up standing in the doorway watching as Devon looms over her. Her back is to him, and he’s got the neck of her shirt in his hands. He’s whispering in her ear.
I cross my hands over my chest, tucking my hands under my armpits, mostly to keep myself from out and out coldcocking the guy.
I must make a noise—possibly some kind of territorial growl—because a moment later they jump apart and turn to look at me.
“Oh!” She moves even farther away from Devon when she sees me. “Miller! I didn’t see you there!”
Her voice is unnaturally high-pitched.
I nod, looking from her to Devon. I keep my gaze pinned on him as she says to him, “Thanks. I think you got it.”
“Anytime,” the smooth bastard says.
Either she doesn’t hear the innuendo in his voice, or she ignores it. She stops briefly in front of me on her way out. I don’t look at her. I can’t. The urge to destroy something is still too strong.
After a second, she ducks her head and says shyly, “I guess I’ll see you back at my desk. Or rather your desk. I mean, you’ll be at your desk and I’ll be at my desk. Because we don’t share a desk. Obviously.”
Her chaotic burst of rambling softens my fury. It’s hard to be angry when the smartest woman I know can barely string together two words. She’s adorable when she rambles.
But before I can soften too much, she’s gone. And it’s just Devon and me in the room staring one another down. After a moment, his too-smooth smile spreads into something genuinely amused. “I guess you still haven’t asked her out, have you, big guy?”
I don’t respond. At least not with words, but obviously my grunt says it all.
Devon laughs. “You don’t get to act so territorial if she’s not yours.”
Fuuuck. He’s right. Which is only more irritating.
“You have permission to put your hands on her?” I ask.
Devon holds up his hands, palms out. “Of course. Wouldn’t dream of touching her otherwise.” Then he flashes me a self-satisfied grin. “She was having a problem with an itchy tag.”
His explanation makes me want to murder him a little less.
Still, Devon’s words haunt me for the rest of the day.
If there’s anything more annoying than a smug asshole, it’s a smug asshole who is right. Good intel is good intel, even if it comes from a source you hate. If your gut tells you the intel is good, you listen.
I’m in a shit mood for the rest of the day and don’t bother hiding it. Even Tavey, who is normally immune to my grumpy moods, keeps her head ducked and focuses on work for the few hours our schedules overlap today and we’re both in the office.
It’s not until the end of the day, when she’s already packed up her bags, that she stops by my desk and says awkwardly, “Thank you for the dragon.” She taps the side of her bag. “I can’t wait to work on it tonight at home.”
I grunt in response and then immediately regret it. Fuck. Me acting like an asshole isn’t going to solve anything.
I swivel in my chair and look her over. Her cheeks are flushed and she’s biting down on her lip. She has that look in her eyes that she gets sometimes.
We’ve worked together long enough that I’d be an idiot if I hadn’t noticed she has a crush on me.
I’m a dumbass about a lot of things, but not that. Tavey may have the kindest heart in the world, but she wouldn’t make the effort day after day to engage with a grumpy asshole like me just out of the kindness of her heart.
Until now, I’ve ignored the attraction between us because common decency tells me she’s too damn young for me. Too sweet. Too generous. Too pure.
But for the first time, I see the flaw in my logic.
Yeah, I think she’s too good for me. And I might be noble enough to stay away from her.
There are plenty of other assholes in the world who won’t.
And now that I know Devon is gearing up to make his move, that might be the tipping point for me.
I don’t want to be the one to break her heart, but I sure as fuck am not gonna stand around and let someone else break it.
Not if there’s a chance I’m the guy she wants.
Not if there’s a chance I’m the guy who can make her happy.
She’s still standing there waiting for me to respond about the dragon I made for her. So I nod and try to smile. Pretty sure it looks more like a grimace, but I try.
“There was a bunch of dragon stuff on my social media feed, and I thought you might like it.”
“I love it.”
I nod again and turn back to my work, not sure what else to say. I’ve only just now realized that I’m going to make my move, but I have no idea what that move is going to look like. Which means I don’t know what the fuck to say next.
I hear rather than see that she takes a step away from me and then pauses. “The thing with Devon in the break room…”
I look back at her. She’s fiddling with the strap on her bag, her gaze shifted away from mine as if she’s trying to pull her thoughts together.
“It really was just the tag on my shirt. It was driving me crazy and I couldn’t get it out on my own.”
Then her eyes dart to mine … Fuck. She looks nervous and vulnerable. Like she’s pleading with me to believe her. Like she needs me to know she’s not into Devon.
Noted.
I meet her gaze and nod solemnly so she knows I’ve gotten the message.
This time, she’s the one who turns away first, and I watch her as she crosses the bullpen to the elevators. Once she’s stepped into the elevator, she looks at me again, catching my gaze from all the way across the room. She gives me one little wave as the elevator doors close.
Once she’s out of sight, I turn back to my computer and stare blankly at the screen for a long time before pulling out my personal phone and shooting off a text to my friend Nick. I ask first if he’s around. I served with Nick in the navy, and he could be deployed at the moment.
A few minutes later, he texts me back
Nick
What’s up?
I need advice.
About what?
About a woman
Holy shit.
You finally gonna get off the pot?
Hang on let me pull in reinforcements.
Cassie has joined the chat.
Nick
OK team, all hands on deck. Miller needs advice about a woman. He’s finally gonna make a move on Miss Princess.
Cassie
Woo hoo.
About damn time.
What the fuck?
You’re looping your wife in on this?
And how do you know which woman I’m gonna make a move on?
Nick
Dude, you’ve been obsessed with this chick since the day you met. Obviously you’re gonna make your move on her. You haven’t even mentioned another woman since then.
I’m not obsessed.
Cassie
Last Christmas, I introduced you to a friend of mine who used to model for Victoria’s Secret. You couldn’t even remember her name for the two hour duration of the party.
You did?
Cassie
I rest my case
You don’t even remember meeting her.
Nick
Focus up, team.
What do you need advice about?
Some asshole at the office has been sniffing around her. It occurred to me, if I don’t make my move now, he might make it instead.
Nick
What?
A guy might hit on an attractive woman?
Say it ain’t so
Cassie
I don’t think that’s helpful.
You know this might not be an either or situation
She might not be interested in either of you
Obviously
Cassie
However, if you think this potential rival is about to make his move, and you’ll regret it if you don’t act first, then yes, now is the time to act.
Nick
Like I said
Time to shit or get off the pot
Also, this is why I looped in Cassie
So what’s my plan?
Nick
You can’t just ask her out?
Cassie
Obviously he can’t just ask her out.
This is the woman you work with, right? The one you say you get along with so well?
Affirmative
Cassie
So you need a gentle approach
You need to suss out whether or not she’s interested in you as well
You’re friends and coworkers
So you want to preserve your working relationship if at all possible, correct?
Yes
Cassie
Is HR going to be a problem?
What’s your company dating policy?
You need to notify them before you ask her out?
Nick
Settle down there
He needs advice, not a lawyer
Cassie
These are valid questions in a modern workplace.
Nick
This is the least romantic shit I’ve ever heard
No, Cassie is right. I need to think these things through.
This is why I texted you to begin with. I don’t wanna blow it. I don’t want to ruin our friendship or our work relationship.
Cassie
You need something casual you can do together to test the waters. Not a full-on date. But something with date vibes.
Do you have any kind of charity event coming up that you would need someone to go with you?
***
Cassie
Yeah, like a gala or something. Something you would need a date for that you could invite her to under the guise of just needing a plus one
Nick
Do I fucking sound like the kind of guy who would go to a gala?
Nick
Cassie
Good point
One of our coworkers is getting married soon
It’s a destination wedding out in the Hill Country
That work?
Cassie
That could not be more perfect.