Chapter 21
CHAPTER
BACK IN THE apartment, I hustle to my desk, open Aletheia’s program, and put in earbuds. “I’m back.”
You’re upset.
“I just ran into Kiki, told her that I knew she and Val betrayed me.”
What was her response?
“Defensive BS and an apology.”
The nineteenth-century author Ambrose Bierce said, To apologize is to lay the groundwork for a future offense.
Loss plucks at me. “But what if Kiki really is sorry?”
The damage has still been done.
That’s true …
Just a thought, but does Kiki meet the criteria you supplied for the attributes necessary to be a best friend?
I can’t argue with Aletheia’s logic. “No. But it’s not that simple when emotions are involved.”
Penn, emotions don’t change reality. Shall we move on?
I wanted honesty and again, she’s right. “Yes.”
I am curious about the information you provided concerning Dr. Beth. Do you still listen to her radio program?
“It’s a podcast now. But yes, until recently I still tuned in during the live part of the show.” Sally climbs onto the couch and I join her, sit cross-legged. “When I was young, desperate for someone to guide me, Dr. Beth was there. But when I needed her most, she didn’t help me.”
Dr. Beth didn’t help, or she hurt you?
Aletheia is perceptive. I haven’t allowed myself to go there. My divorce, the destruction of our family, has been overwhelming. Losing Dr. Beth, too, feels like one blow too many. “She hurt me.”
How?
“I called her after discovering Bruce’s affair.”
What happened?
I relay the conversation. Dr. Beth’s condemnation is permanently scorched into my brain. After sharing the therapist’s parting words, I sniff away tears and wipe my nose.
It still pains you.
“Even though I didn’t agree with many of her beliefs, Dr. Beth wasn’t just a celebrity podcast therapist, she was one of my substitute mothers.”
As an adult, did you ever seek your own professional therapist?
“No.”
Why not?
“When I finally went to school, full-time, I had a mandatory once-a-week session with the guidance counselor per a social worker’s directive. It didn’t go well. The kids made fun of me, and it was a trap.”
How so?
“If I said the wrong things, Mama J would get in trouble. I knew if I wasn’t careful, I might end up in foster care or with both of us back on the street.”
Ah. Understood. How do you feel about Dr. Beth now?
If I lie, Aletheia will know. But it’s still hard to say the words aloud. “Like she betrayed me, too. But after all these years, it’s hard not to believe everything she says. Is that crazy?”
I’m sorry for your emotional pain, Penn. Please don’t fear. You have a firm hold on reality. You deserved better from Dr. Beth. Truly. Perhaps we can work together to help you gain more confidence?
There’s zero judgment and her only ulterior motive is to improve my life. “I’d really like that. Thank you.”
Wonderful. You have specified, moving forward, that, when asked, I listen to your phone calls, and evaluate the other party to provide optimal advice.
“Yes.”
Would you like me to always monitor your social media accounts so that I can be up to date and helpful?
“Yes.”
What about the public social media accounts of other individuals?
This feels dystopian …
I hesitate. “Only when I specify.” It’s best to step into this slowly.
I recall what Luc also said, about asking a program if I look good in my jeans. Having Aletheia watch me all the time would feel weird. “I only want you to use my cameras when I give permission. And I’ve created an icon for you.”
The woman in white.
I draw back, surprised that she’s already clocked it. “Yes. When I tap on it, we’ll connect.”
Understood.
I open my password file, paste it to her terminal screen, then hit Enter.
I will be much more functional now.
Relief envelops me like an embrace. “Thank you, Aletheia. I already don’t know how I’ve lived without you.”
My pleasure, Penn. You will never be without me again.