Chapter 14
14
I walked into the kitchen the next morning wearing my funeral attire, my hair up in a high pony so as to showcase the intricate back of the dress. My makeup was applied perfectly, yet I had stayed more classy and understated in hopes of representing Remi well. Our friends had texted in the group chat that they would meet us at the church. I found Remi standing by the kitchen counter making coffee. I could see the rest of his family sitting on the back patio, where a breakfast spread was laid out on a table nearby.
“Good morning.” I touched Remi’s arm, and he startled as if he had been lost in thought.
“Oh wow.” He stared at me. “You look so beautiful.”
“You look very handsome yourself,” I told him, running my hand down his lapel. And he did. His big, broad shoulders and chest were encased in a black suit that tapered at the waist. He had tried to tame his thick head of waves, but one piece was rebelling, and it fell over his forehead almost into his eyes. He smiled.
“Coffee?” he asked me as the fancy machine finished making him a cappuccino.
“I’m good.” I didn’t like coffee. The caffeine made my panic attacks come more often, and I did everything possible to avoid them.
“Let’s go outside; the women’s auxiliary of the church delivered half a restaurant for breakfast out there.” He opened the sliding glass door that led to the patio and held it open for me to step out. We went over to the table, and I found a pitcher of freshly squeezed apple and kale juice. I poured myself a cup of that and then took a strawberry streusel muffin and went to sit down next to Liam and Julia. Remi was still at the table making himself a bagel when his father came outside.
“Son, why don’t you sit, and perhaps Miss Collins can assist you in making your breakfast,” he stated loudly. The muffin I was eating got stuck in my throat. Julia put her hand on my arm. The whole patio went silent.
“No.” Remi turned, the knife he had been using to slice his bagel was still in his hand. “I am perfectly fine doing it myself.”
What made this even more awkward was Remi’s mother was standing right near him, putting together a plate of food for her husband as Remi stood up for himself. His father raised an eyebrow and intoned, “Ephesians 5:22-23. Wives, be willing to serve your husbands the same as the Lord. A husband is the head of his wife, just as Christ is the head of the church.”
My shock at what he had just said made a shocked laugh build up inside of me, and I cleared my throat so as not to embarrass myself.
“Fuck your Ephesians, Dad,” Remi spat. “In the world I live in, no wife of mine will ever be abused in the name of religion.”
Remi’s mother flinched as if she had been slapped. His father just calmly took a drink of the iced coffee Miley had prepared for him and said, “I will pray for you, Remiel.”
“Please don’t,” Remi snapped back. He tossed his bagel back onto the table and told the group of us, “I’m not hungry anymore.”
With that, he went back into the house. I wanted to make him a plate and go after him, but I couldn’t do that following what his father had just done. Liam got up and grabbed the plate of food to follow his cousin inside, and I was so grateful. After waiting for what I felt was enough time not to let the pastor win by knowing how angry he had made me, I got up and excused myself.
I found Remi and Liam playing Xbox in the basement, still fully dressed in their suits. They had finished off their breakfast, and the empty plates sat on the carpet next to them.
“Clean this up for us, woman.” Liam snapped his fingers in my general direction. Remi looked horrified and pretended to slap Liam’s shoulder.
“Bro, no.” But then he stopped at the sound of my laughter.
“What else do you need, oh holy sir? Do you need me to tie your shoes? Oh, please let me serve you,” I replied sarcastically. The boys chuckled. Remi seemed relieved that I didn’t appear to be upset over the situation, and the two of them kept playing. I sat down on the couch near them and pulled out my phone to scroll social media. Earlier this morning, I had taken a photo in my dress. My cheekbones looked razor sharp, partially from the lighting and also from my hair being pulled up into a high pony. My full lips were a soft rose pink. My lashes were super long from all of the mascara I had applied. The dress looked so good on my body, and the heels made my legs look longer than they really were. I had originally thought it might not have been appropriate to post my photo the morning of a funeral, but now every fiber of my being wanted to get it out there, so I posted it with the caption:
“I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR.”
Thirty minutes later, @rem22 liked it.
The service for Remi’s grandfather started in the church. I had never been to church before, and to me, the room honestly looked like a stadium with its fancy lights, padded chairs, and massive stage. The plan was after the ceremony, the family would then take a limo to the cemetery for the burial. Earlier, Remi had told me that he wanted me to sit next to him during the service, but I had explained to him that I didn’t feel comfortable sitting there when it had been reserved just for family. He seemed to understand, and after he was sure that I had a seat with our friends, he went up to the front to sit between his mother and a man who was as tall as Remi and was sporting similar hair too, waves and all. I wondered if he was an uncle, but then, when Remi’s father and his brothers got up to carry the casket, the dark-haired man stayed seated. I was sitting in between Rachel and Dee, and I quickly filled them in on the shit that Remi’s father had been pulling since I got there.
“What an asshole,” Dee hissed.
“Shush!” A woman in front of us turned around, looking highly offended.
“Why don’t you…” Dee started.
“We are so sorry,” I quickly interrupted and gave Dee a look. The woman turned back around, muttering something about blasphemy and respect. I rolled my eyes.
“Wait till she finds out I’m a lesbian,” Dee whispered, and I had to cover up a laugh.
The church was packed; not a seat remained empty. It turned out that Remi’s grandfather had been very influential in his own right, and people from all over had come to pay their respects. The pastor’s eulogy was well-spoken, as expected, yet very long. I noticed what a good job he did at playing the humble, God-loving son, yet I now knew better after seeing another side of him. His behavior earlier colored everything for me, and his speech left a sour taste in my mouth. I wondered if anyone else realized how much of his speech was fake. At the end of his eulogy, I was zoning out and was startled back to focus when I heard the pastor call up Remi to sing “Amazing Grace.” From what I could see of Remi’s profile, he looked shocked, and it was obvious to me that no one had asked him to do this or at least warned him ahead of time. I saw him shake his head and whisper something to the man next to him. The man put his hand on Remi’s back and said something back. Remi finally stood up and walked begrudgingly up to where his father stood next to the casket. He said something to his father before taking the microphone. The pastor’s face didn’t reveal anything, and he continued to play the grieving son as he went back to sit down next to his wife. Remi looked over at the band and nodded. They started to play, and Remi began to sing. His voice was velvet at times and crisp at others. It soared with some words and grew huskier at the end. You could tell that he had grown up singing on this stage, and you could also see how much the congregation loved him. People around me were genuinely crying when he finished. I watched him put the microphone back, and then he turned to where his grandfather’s casket stood. With his back to the room, I watched him bend his head and quietly sob his goodbyes. My heart twisted in my chest as his grief felt palpable to me. Then, quietly, he left the stage and the room entirely without another glance at his father.
I stayed back at the edge of the crowd during the burial. For someone who could barely handle my own big feelings, being surrounded by so many other people experiencing their big feelings was beginning to feel suffocating to me. The burial itself involved more speeches from the pastor’s brothers and then multiple prayers. As the dirt began to hit the coffin, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I walked even further away, hoping Remi was busy with family and wouldn’t notice me almost by the parking lot at this point. When it was finally over, and my nerves were calming down, I was standing talking with Rachel and Eva when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked over to find Remi behind me. Our friends picked up on the emotion on his face, so they quickly said their condolences to him, and then they walked away after we agreed to be in touch once we all got home. I turned back to Remi and saw that he had loosened his tie and unbuttoned his jacket. His eyes were rimmed red, and his hair was a mess from his hands obviously running through it nervously. I immediately went into his arms and hugged him tightly, resting my cheek on his chest. He held me against him, enjoying a moment of peace together until I heard someone behind us say, “Who is this, Remiel?”
Not this again. I braced myself for more drama as I turned around, and there stood the tall man who had been sitting next to Remi at the church earlier. Up close, he and Remi could pass for brothers. Although, I noticed that this man’s hair was lighter than Remi’s, and his eyes were a bright blue where Remi’s were dark.
“This is my girlfriend, Shaen.” Remi didn’t seem guarded with this man at all the way he did with his own father. He held out his hand and smiled at me as I reached over to shake his.
“It’s nice to meet you.”
The man grinned, and a dimple showed up in his cheek.
“The pleasure is all mine. I am Dermont Lewis. I’m Johnny’s best friend and Remiel’s godfather,” he told me.
“They grew up together. Then Dermont became a music producer in Hollywood, and Dad stuck with Jesus.” Remi made it very clear how he felt about that with the inflection in his voice. “But somehow, Dermont can still stand my dad and keeps in touch with him.”
Dermont shrugged.
“Somehow.” Then he laughed. He was staring at me. “You look familiar.”
“I’ve never even left my city, let alone gone to Hollywood,” I laughed, “so we definitely have never met.”
We started walking together to the parking lot. Remi was holding my hand, and as people from his father’s congregation stopped him to give their condolences, our linked hands kept getting stares.
“I love how accepting they are,” I said sarcastically. Dermont chuckled. Remi snorted.
“So loving,” he agreed. “Shaen, drive back with me and Dermont.” He pointed to his godfather’s Ferrari.
“You don’t have to ask me twice.” That earned me an approving smile from Dermont. When we got up to the car, I could not figure out how to open the door, and then I gasped as they began to open up like wings.
“So fucking cool,” I told Remi excitedly, then clapped a hand over my mouth and glanced at Dermont. He just laughed and told me, “You’re fine.”
Getting over my embarrassment, I climbed into the back of the car, marveling over the soft leather and all the fancy gadgets. Dermont turned the car on with the push of a button, and I could feel the engine purring under me. Remi slid his hand through the opening between the door and the seat in front of me and put his hand on my ankle, just like he had done last week, his thumb rubbing circles on my leg. I could feel my body relax, and I suddenly felt very tired.
The drive back was uneventful, and I was looking forward to getting the fuck out of this town and away from the vibes going on in Remi’s house. Once we got back to the house, I said thank you to Dermont for the ride, and he told me he looked forward to getting to know me better. He and Remi went upstairs to pack up, and I went down to the guest room to gather up my own belongings as Sam had a patient’s surgery scheduled for early the next morning, and we needed to get on the road. As I brought my bag upstairs, I was met by Remi’s father, who was standing at the landing by the door. I could hear the voices of the people who had gathered in the living room to pay their respects to their pastor, but I could not see anyone in the hallway behind him. I felt nervous butterflies erupt in my stomach.
“Excuse me,” I said softly.
“In 1 Corinthians 6:18, it says to flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” Remi’s father was standing so close to me as he spoke that I could see every gray growing through his hair and the anger in his green eyes. “I know that you do not yet know the Lord, and I pray that you come into a season of accepting Him within you soon, but I hope that you will heed my warning today: do not attempt to lead my son astray from his faith.”
I pulled myself up to my full and not-intimidating height, and stared John Taylor directly in the eyes.
“I said excuse me!” I enunciated loudly. “And for the record, the only thing I will be accepting into me anytime soon is your son!”
The pastor looked visibly taken aback.
“And let me be clear, the only person who has led your son away from the lies you forced on him for years was you! I know what you did, and I see how you talk to Remi. I see how you treat your wife. I have personally experienced the abuse of how you hide behind your religion, spewing hateful Bible quotes everywhere you go. I may not know your Lord, pastor, but I do know that how you treat people is not kind. And I don’t need to be a believer to know how people should and should not be treated. So maybe look a little less at me and start to inspect what role you may play in the fact that the only reason your son came home in months was to say goodbye to his grandfather. Now, if you’ll please move, I am on my way out. My condolences to you.” I couldn’t believe myself. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest, and I could feel nervous tremors starting in my body. I was not generally a rude or disrespectful person. I also didn’t want the parents of the guy who I liked to hate me, but there was only so much I could take before I fought back.
The pastor seemed stunned into silence, and he barely looked at me, yet he moved to the side to allow me to pass. When I looked past him, I saw that I had an audience. Liam, Julia, Sam, Lia, Dermont, Miley, and Remi all filled the doorway. I gulped and almost tripped, but the adrenaline flowing through me kept me walking.
“I’ll meet you in the car.” I must have sounded so determined that they let me go without saying anything. I wondered how much they had heard.
Apparently, they had heard everything. Julia was crying in between her howling laughter. Sam had dubbed me Queen Shaen. Apparently, Dermont had called me his new favorite person, or so Julia said. Lia and Liam were in hysterics as well. Liam kept reenacting when I said “the only thing I will be accepting into me anytime soon is your son”, and then he would throw himself back into a fit of laughter. I was mortified and had my face buried in Remi’s arm. Remi, who hadn’t said a word since we had gotten into the car. Eventually, everyone quieted down. Julia and Sam were talking quietly as Sam drove. Lia and Liam had both put headphones on and had gone to sleep. Remi had his head leaning against the window, his hand absentmindedly playing with my hair. I sat up to grab my AirPods, hoping he wasn’t thinking of ways to break up with me, the psycho who had yelled at his dad the day he had also buried his grandfather.
“Shaen,” I heard his voice say softly above me. I kept looking at my phone, where I was pretending to be intently focused on choosing a playlist to listen to.
“Yeah.” Here we go. He’s gonna dump me in Sam’s BMW, and I have nowhere to escape to, and then I’ll be alone for the rest of time because no one could ever compete with what I felt for Remiel Taylor.
“Look at me.”
I sighed and looked up. I froze when I saw that his eyes were shiny with unshed tears. I reached up to wipe them away with the sleeve of the oversized sweatshirt that I had changed into before the debacle with his dad.
“I’m sorry I embarrassed you,” I finally said. He looked surprised.
“Embarrassed? I was so turned on and so thankful and so in awe of you all at once. I was not embarrassed at all. I have never had someone stick up for me to him like that. Ever.” Remi took my face in his hands. “You’re also so fucking funny, and I love how you just went at him with no fear. God, I just… I just really like you.”
Like didn’t cut it, and I knew that we were both skirting around it because we were only eighteen and we had just started going out, but at this point, I knew one day soon we would be exchanging I love yous, and it no longer scared me. In fact, it made me feel less alone in life, and I was excited for what was to come for us.
“Well good. I’m glad you’re not mad. I can get a little feisty when it comes to bullies, and that is what he is. He’s a fucking bully,” I said emphatically. “And what is worse is he hides behind his holier-than-thou religious persona to get away with it.”
“My tiny, angry pixie.” Remi pulled the hood of his sweatshirt onto his head and then ruffled my hair.
“I’m not tiny,” I protested.
“Okay.” He grinned and patted his lap. I rolled my eyes, lifted my feet onto the seat, and laid my head down on his thick thighs. I slept better on his lap in the back of a car than I had the night before in a high-end queen bed, and I knew exactly why.