Chapter 21
21
W ednesday, September 9th, I woke up late since I didn’t have to go to work. Remi had slept at home since he had gone to orientation for his new school the day before and had needed Sam to fill out medical paperwork for him. But since Sam had been on call, he got home late, and by the time they finished, I had already fallen asleep. So Remi had texted me that he loved me so much and would come by tomorrow morning. Well, tomorrow morning was here, and I was officially nineteen. I smiled. Happy birthday to me, I thought to myself. I sat in meditation for thirty minutes before I got up to start my day. The friend group had already been busy.
LIAM
I’m first. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you Shaen! I love you so much! Did my present come yet??
LIA
happy birthday shay shay! Go check the front door
CARTER
damn you old now. Happy bday!
EVA
happy birthday to youuuuuu! Luv u!
RACHEL
voice note
I played it. In it, she was singing “Happy Birthday,” and told me she wished she could hug me so tight because she knew how much I loved that.
DEE
19 bitch! Happy birthday! Miss you so so much!
I went to the front door, and an Uber Eats order sat there next to a box. Lia had sent me my favorite drink from Starbucks and a birthday cake pop. The box was from Liam. Inside was the newest iPhone, a necklace with a stone on it that looked suspiciously real, and two train tickets to Boston for the day before Halloween. I was blown away by his generosity and his refusal to listen to me when I told him not to spend money on me. I took everything into my room and then went back into the group chat.
SHAEN
thank you all so much! Lia the drink hit the spot thank you. And Liam we are going to have to talk - you sneaky asshole. Thank you. I love you all so much.
Yesterday, Liam finally broke up with Lia. Not that any of us had wanted it to happen, but it felt like they had both been dragging out the inevitable. Afterward, he had FaceTimed me, looking defeated and sad. He had told her that he cared about her too much to keep her stuck in a relationship that could not progress right now. She had cried, which we had all expected. I had been worried that she would have left the group chat, not out of spite but to preserve her mental health, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that not only was she still in the chat, but she was still acting like her usual self. I looked at my phone. It was 10:30 a.m., Liam was still in class, so I would have to wait for his break to call and yell at him for spending so much money on me.
When I went into the kitchen to make myself some breakfast, I saw that my mother had ordered me some pancakes from a local pancake shop that had a birthday breakfast option. The pancakes were made with sprinkles and a white icing drizzle. She had put a sticky note on it that said, “Happy Birthday Shaen, Love, Mom.” There was also a birthday card on the counter with a hundred dollar bill in it. My mother wasn’t a bad person, she just wasn’t everything I needed her to be as my only parent. I shook off the negative thoughts and dug into the pancakes. As I finished up, licking the icing off of my fingers, I heard the front door open.
“Happy birthday, baby!” Remi’s face lit up when he saw me. His arms were full of balloons, flowers, and five gift bags.
“Oh my God, you’re already overdoing it.” I laughed. “You didn’t have to get me anything.” I got up on my tippy toes to kiss him.
“Are you crazy? I wanted to get you everything.” He went into my room to put all the bags down on my bed and then picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing him until he pressed me up against my closed door and moaned appreciatively as he ground his pelvis against mine.
“Do you want to fuck first or open presents first?” he whispered in my ear and then licked the side of my neck. I cocked my head, thinking.
“Ummmm. Let’s open presents first because that will go faster, and then we’ll have more time to…” My voice trailed off as he put me down.
“To do the dirty?” Remi winked at me. I laughed.
“Exactly.”
“Okay, sit down,” Remi said in his bossy voice. “I got you a present for each one of your senses.”
He showed me the bags. On the outside of each bag, he had written something. The first one said “Taste,” the second one said “Touch,” the third one said “Sound,” the fourth one had “Smell” written on it, and the last one said “Sight.” I clapped excitedly.
“Oh my God, how did you even think of this?” I got up on my knees to kiss him again. Remi shrugged, smiling modestly.
“I love you so much,” he told me as if that was the explanation for him being able to come up with this amazing birthday experience.
“I love you too.” I beamed up at him as he handed me the taste bag. Inside was a card that read,
Happy birthday my love. You are so sweet, so generous, so gorgeous, and so creative. My life was lacking so much before I met you. I am so lucky to be able to call you mine. Love a+f, Remi
I felt my eyes burn with unshed tears as I pulled a box out of the bag. In it sat a box of chocolates from a brand called Pierre Marcolini.
“They’re from Paris,” Remi told me with a kiss. I had no idea what the high-end brand was, but I could tell that they were very pricey. The box itself was heavy and embossed with gold lettering. When I opened the cover inside, nestled on silk, sat six gorgeous, hand-crafted chocolates.
“They almost look too pretty to eat,” I told him, hesitating.
“So do you, but that doesn’t stop me.” Remi laughed when I fake-hit his arm. I picked up one of the square-shaped chocolates that said “The Citron” on it in gold letters. When I took a bite, a cacophony of flavors burst in my mouth.
“Holy shit, that’s so good,” I moaned. I held out the other half to him.
“No baby, they’re yours,” Remi protested. I put the chocolate in between my teeth, and then I brought our mouths together. I pushed the chocolate into his mouth with my tongue. He kissed me as the chocolate melted in his mouth, and I pulled away, panting.
“Damn,” he said, licking his lips, looking torn between his desire to keep kissing me and his excitement in watching me open the rest of my presents. He handed me the second bag that said “Touch” on in. In it was a gift certificate for a couple’s massage.
“This is amazing, Remi,” I breathed. “I can’t wait to go.” I hugged him and then took the third bag. For “Sound,” he had gotten me tickets to see Justin Bieber.
“Babe, this is too much!” I looked down at the printed tickets.
“It’s not enough, baby,” he corrected me. I hugged him again, this time closing my eyes as he rocked me gently for a few moments. I was overwhelmed because this was by far the most anyone had ever done to recognize my birthday. The fourth bag, “Smell,” contained a perfume that I immediately sprayed on myself.
“Thank you. This smells delicious,” I told him, sniffing my wrist. Remi beamed. Knowing him, he had picked everything out himself. In the “Sight” bag was an eye mask made from a very soft gray leather.
“Baby, this is the opposite of sight.” I laughed. I faltered when I saw the look on his face. His eyes had darkened, and he was almost looking at me hungrily.
“I know.” He nipped his way up my jaw and then kissed me deeply. Our tongues danced until I was panting. Remi pulled my pajama shirt off of me, running his hands up to the underside of my breasts, weighing them in his palms. His thumbs ran over my nipples, beading them. Then he bent his dark head and ran his hot tongue over them. I arched my back, moaning his name. Remi took the eye mask from me, and while maintaining eye contact, he slipped the mask over my eyes. Everything went dark.
“Can I fuck you like this?”
Without being able to see him, his voice sounded deeper and more gravelly. I was painfully aware of his breath on my collarbone and his fingers seared into my hips. Holy shit, this was going to incinerate me. I nodded slowly, biting my lip.
“Also…” Remi paused. I waited with bated breath.
“You’re not fertile right now, so I was wondering if I can go in you bare?”
I froze as he began to pull my shorts down. He would find me naked beneath them. I let out a gasp as his thumb found my clit and began to strum my sensitive flesh.
“I want to come inside you for real, baby.” He was sucking on my earlobe now, sending shocks through my body. I nodded frantically.
“Yes,” I moaned.
“Yes, what?” he demanded.
“Yes, come inside me.” I was almost there. His fingers were now pumping in and out of me, climbing me higher and higher.
“You look so good in my mask.” His voice was near my face, and I could feel his breath on my cheek.
“You make me so hard, Shaen. I’m so proud of you for taking me like this.” His voice was even deeper now. My breath was ragged, and my body was throbbing. His mouth took mine, and I cried out his name as the pleasure almost bordered on pain as I sat between that space of crazy and completion until I finally exploded under his fingers.
“Yes, baby, take it. Oh, good girl,” he groaned above me.
I could feel tears seep out of my eyes as I experienced my first orgasm without sight. Losing one sense enhanced the others, and it had been so intense. I laid there trying to catch my breath, my body thrumming with desire for him. I heard his zipper make a noise as he opened it and then a rustle as he took off his clothes. Suddenly, I was up in his arms, and he was walking with me. The next thing I knew, my back was against my cold bedroom door, and his warm abs were pressed against the front of my body. I hooked my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck as I held on.
“Hold tight, birthday girl,” he rasped, as I felt his bare cock slip inside me. I blinked behind my eye mask. Oh. He was so much warmer this way.
“Oh my God, you’re so wet.” His voice was full of wonder as he began to move in earnest. His hips slapped against mine as his cock slipped in and out of me. I was soaked and so tight that he was frantic inside of me. I felt his hand reach in between us and he began to work my clit again.
“Oh, you’re doing so well,” he moaned in my ear. “Take me, Shaen, take me.”
“What do you see?” I asked him, my voice almost stuck in my throat. His hips stuttered at my words and then regained momentum.
“You’re soaked. I can see you all over my dick, your legs, and I can feel you dripping down my balls,” he moaned out. I gasped and squeezed. I was rewarded with another groan from him.
“I can see myself disappearing inside of you. You take me so good, baby, so good.” His breath was coming faster now. His tempo was messier. “You’re so soft inside. So tight. So wet.”
I felt his hands leave me, and then his fingers were inside of my mouth.
“What do you taste?” he rasped against my lips.
“Me. I taste me,” I cried.
“Y-yes.” His mouth was back on mine, and his fingers returned to my clit. My back was feeling uncomfortable against my door, but the pinch against my spine added to how good this was.
“You look so good with me inside you.” He was making loud moans now as if he couldn’t hold back.
“Oh, oh my God, I’m coming,” I cried out. My body clenched around him as I came, and he rutted inside of me a few more times until I felt the hot spurts of his release against my walls as he finished inside of me. I lifted up the eye mask, blinking at how bright the lights felt. Then I watched as he gently pulled out of me. Some of his cum followed, and it smeared against my lips and upper thighs. I reached down and ran a finger through it before I pushed it back up inside me.
“Oh, Godddd.” He closed his eyes for a second as if he couldn’t handle seeing it.
“Do you have a breeding kink?” I giggled as he carried me to the bathroom and started a shower for us.
“I don’t think so,” he laughed. “But I’ll admit there is something primal about seeing my cum in you.”
I hugged him.
“This was the best birthday I’ve ever had. Thank you,” I whispered.
He kissed me so passionately that we ended up fucking in the shower. Then again on my bed, first in missionary and then finishing with him behind me. After the third round, we collapsed on my bed.
“I’m dehydrated, woman, don’t touch me. I need a break,” he whined. This made me laugh so hard that my abs hurt. We ended up falling asleep in each other's arms, his cum drying on my thighs, his love bites all over my chest, and my heart so full of joy I thought I might burst.
This is what love feels like.
The next day, I worked late because my bosses had asked me to take the last shift tonight. As I finished up for the day, I tucked all the doggies in for the night.
“Goodnight, babies,” I cooed as I made sure each one had what they needed before I closed all the kennel doors and shut off the main lights. It had been an amazing day because three dogs had gone to their “furever” homes today. I locked up and pulled my jacket around me as I stepped into the crisp air that night had brought. I hadn’t been able to find parking in the lot next to the rescue this afternoon, so I had to walk one block over to get to my car. The streets were basically empty this late at night, so I walked quickly to get to the warmth and safety of my car.
“Miss Collins,” a familiar voice called out as I approached my parking spot. A voice that immediately sent prickles of fear down my spine. I turned around slowly.
“What do you want?” I asked coldly as Pastor John Taylor stepped out of his Lexus and began to approach me from across the street.
“I just want to talk,” he told me.
“I have nothing to say to you.” I fumbled with my car keys. Why was he here? Why was he waiting this late at night near my work? How did he know where I worked? He had to know that we had suspicions that he had something to do with his driver drugging me all those months ago. I began to panic. Was he here to hurt me?
“Don’t come closer!” I shouted. The pastor stopped walking.
“I’m not going to hurt you.” He seemed offended that I was acting so afraid of him.
“Why should I believe that?” I sneered. “Why are you here?”
“I want to talk to you about Remiel.” He was still standing several feet away, but he was talking loud enough for me to hear him. ?“I figured if he hasn’t left you by now, then maybe we can work together to help him.”
I flinched at how callously he referred to his son breaking up with me. I also found it pretty out of touch that he thought I would ever entertain helping him.
“What could he possibly need help with?” I tried to reach for my phone inside my bag without the pastor noticing, but I kept coming up short because my hands were shaking so much.
“I know that you are not a woman of faith, so perhaps you won’t understand this.”
Remi’s dad was using what I recognized as his pastor voice with me. It made me feel like he was talking at me instead of to me, and he was using a tone as if he thought I was stupid.
“But Remiel had such a strong relationship with the Lord before, and it pains me to see him struggling like this.”
“He’s not struggling,” I replied strongly.
“That’s the enemy at work,” the pastor said confidently. “We need to help him cast out this evil spirit and assist him in coming back to Jesus. Where he belongs.”
“Do you hear yourself? You sound fucking insane,” I yelled at him. Suddenly, it felt like the world had gone into slow motion. I saw the pastor mouthing, “Move, move!” and he began waving his hands. I turned to my left and gaped as a car came barreling down the street, swerving dangerously. I tried to get around to the other side of my car, but my legs felt like they were stuck in quicksand. I managed to get myself to the front of my car, but suddenly, pain took over my body. I felt myself get flung up into the air, and then the next thing I knew, I was crashing onto the hood of the car that I presumed had just hit me. I found myself sprawled on the cracked windshield, staring into the lifeless eyes of the driver, who was contorted in a weird angle over the steering wheel, blood dripping down his face. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him as I thought in a detached way how sad Remi would feel when I didn’t come home tonight. Then I realized that I could no longer breathe. Despite the cold air I had noticed earlier, I now felt warm. I felt peaceful. I floated off into a numb oblivion and could no longer feel my body.
So this is what dying feels like.