CHAPTER 14
The date with Caden was a bust.
Well, not really. It was actually very enjoyable and Tessa couldn’t find one thing to complain about.
The problem was, she thought about Tristan the whole time.
Every time her date talked about football, the Titans, his teammates, or really anything for that matter, Tessa’s mind wandered to Tristan.
It had her feeling defeated and hopeless by the time she got back to her apartment that night, and as she was pouring herself a glass of wine, she found herself calling Abigail.
She kept in touch with both Abigail and Amber after she left Vanderbilt.
Amber had actually moved to NYC around the same time that Tessa did, so they were still very close and saw each other often.
Tessa hadn’t seen Abigail in almost two years, since Abigail was still living in Nashville and had a husband and a baby, but Tessa still felt more comfortable talking to her than anyone else, and she always found herself calling Abigail when she needed to talk.
“There you are,” Abigail said into the phone, answering on the second ring. “I’ve been waiting for you to call me and tell me all about your work trip!”
Tessa had conveniently left out most details of this ‘work trip’, worrying that Abigail wouldn’t approve and make her feel bad for taking the assignment, but she couldn’t hold it in anymore.
She needed to speak to someone who understood.
She had talked to her mom about it plenty, but her mom wasn’t there when everything happened.
Abigail was. She had a front row seat to the lightning flash of chaos that was their relationship.
Abigail knew first hand how much Tessa loved Tristan, and also how devastated she was to leave him.
“Yeah…about that,” Tessa huffed and sat heavily on her couch, almost spilling her wine in the process.
“Uh oh, what happened?”
Tessa smiled to herself when she heard the babbling sounds of Abigail’s one year old son, and felt a deep yearning in her soul for having that life one day.
One day, if she stopped chasing her career and only focusing on herself.
One day, when she doesn’t waste 6 fucking years on wet blankets like her ex.
One day, if she ever stops wistfully yearning for Tristan and moving on with her life.
“I have something to tell you,” Tessa says tentatively.
“Spill it.”
Tessa lets out a long sigh before deciding to just spit it out.
“The assignment I took is spotlighting the Kansas City Titans and now I’m living in Kansas City and I have to see the players every single day and Tristan Kelly is basically a God in this town and he’s on the team and I have to see him and he has a girlfriend but also he acts like he doesn’t and has been flirting with me and now I have to-”
“WHAT?!”
Abigail’s shrill scream stops Tessa’s rambling, and she winces in discomfort as she waits for whatever Abigail is going to say.
“Did you just say Kansas City Titans? And Tristan Kelly? As in your Tristan Kelly?!”
“He’s not my Tristan Kelly. Well, not anymore.”
“Tessa Allison Smith! Why wouldn’t you tell me this!”
“Because I was afraid you’d yell at me. And look, you’re yelling.”
Tessa takes a big swig of her wine before putting it down on the coffee table in front of her and curling her legs under her on the couch.
“You’ve seen Tristan? You’ve talked to him?”
“For all intents and purposes, we’re essentially coworkers right now. I have to see him and talk to him like every day.”
“Well, what has that been like?” She asks, “Are you okay?”
“Yes and no,” Tessa answers honestly, “Like I can be around him but it’s a lot.
God, he looks so good, Abigail. Like if you thought 20-year-old Tristan Kelly was hot, goddamn, 30-year-old Tristan Kelly is so much better.
He’s gotten taller, Abigail. Can you believe that? Taller. And broader. And..and…harrier.”
“What?” Abigail says with a laugh.
“He’s a man, Abby. A fucking man, and I swear I can smell his pheromones every time he walks by me, and I remember it.
I remember him, I remember it all. Like, it comes back to me in waves and some days I’m okay and can run around the facility doing my job and talking to players and watching them practice like it’s nothing.
And then other days it’s like the grief of what we could of have is debilitating. And today is one of those days.”
“Well what happened today?” She asks curiously. “What did he do?”
“He didn’t do anything wrong,” Tessa says with a laugh. “I tried to go on a date. And the date was good and the guy was nice and very hot. But I thought about Tristan the whole time. And it’s infuriating.”
“Well it’s better than thinking about Joseph,” Abigail says with a snort, and Tessa can’t help but laugh.
Abigail always hated Joseph and was never afraid to let Tessa know that.
She had always said that Joseph was too boring, too serious, too reserved.
Tessa never argued with her, but also never found much motivation to leave, either.
“But he has a girlfriend, Abigail. And she’s like a model. So prim and proper and put together. I’ve never seen her not in a six-inch heel with a tight dress on and full make-up. And I’m walking around looking like a schoolteacher and-”
“And Tristan always thought that was so hot, remember?”
Tessa smiles. Yes, she remembers. Whenever she’d wear her little skirts or cardigans, with her curly hair pinned up into a bun, Tristan would always lose his mind.
“There’s just nothing that I can do since he’s in a relationship. Nothing I should do.”
“I bet she’s nice too, huh? That always makes it worse, when you want to hate her, but you can’t because you really want to be her friend, instead.”
“Actually no,” Tessa says quickly, leaning forward and grabbing her drink again. “She’s not nice at all, and I have no desire to be her friend.”
“Ooohh,” Abigail says, suddenly intrigued. “So, she’s a bitch.”
“You could say that,” Tessa says with a laugh.
“Well then let’s have some fun with that.”
“No! I can’t. That would be awful.”
“Didn’t you just say he was flirting with you? Which like, duh. If he could’ve had his tongue down your throat every second of the day, he would have. I doubt that’s changed, girlfriend or not.”
“I am not even going to go there in my mind, okay?” Tessa says sternly. “It’s not an option, and I’ll just be sitting over here angrily thinking about him until this god forsaken assignment is over.”
“Well, now that I know everything, you know I’m going to be obsessively checking in with you, right?”
“Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of,” Tessa says with a chuckle.
“Well, I’m going to head to bed. We have a long day tomorrow.
There’s press in the morning and then I have to submit my first quarter review of the article to my boss, and then we have an evening game and some kind of party after. I’m going to try to get some rest.”
“You do that, you big shot NYC reporter girl.”
“Goodnight,” Tessa says, her smile soft and warm, like it always is after she talks to her friend.
“Goodnight. Charlie, say night night.”
“Ni ni.”
“Night night, Charlie.”
Tessa finishes off her wine before finding her way to bed that night.
And much like she’s done almost every night when she crawls in bed, she looks at the handful of photos she has saved in a private photo album in her phone of her and Tristan.
There’s one of the two of them after a game, one of her sitting on his lap at a party, and her favorite one, the night of the Football and Family gala – the night she lost her virginity to him.
She looks at the photo wistfully, her and Tristan in the middle of the photo, Jordan and Katie are standing next to Tessa, and Tristan’ parents, Diane and Ed, are standing next to Tristan.
She studies herself in the picture, the bright smile plastered across her face, and she suddenly realizes that she’s not sure she’s ever smiled like that since.
The next morning goes by in a flash.
With the football season in full swing, there’s media all over the facility on game day, an electric buzz in the air as the players alternate between interviews, warming up on the field, spending time with the athletic trainers, and scarfing down more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches than Tessa ever knew was possible.
She can’t help but feel the same energy flowing through her veins as she walks around the facility.
She’s been interviewing the coaches all morning and spent some time on the field watching the guys doing some warmups.
She hasn’t run into Tristan yet today. According to Phillip, Tristan is usually the last to arrive at the stadium, which doesn’t surprise her at all.
And she’s honestly thankful for a little reprieve from him and all the tension between them.
She finds herself hoping that she won’t see him at all until after the game so that she can get some work done.
“Hey Tessa!”
She turns around at the sound of her name echoing down the long corridor and sees Caden walking towards her.
She takes a deep breath and plasters on a smile, hoping that he won’t bring up the date or ask her out a second time.
Again, not because he’s not a great guy, but because she simply is too wrapped up in other things, or person, to be on the same page as him.
“Hey!”
“I was hoping I’d see you,” he says, finally catching up to her and wrapping a casual arm around her shoulder for a hug. She hugs back, but then quickly takes a step out of his arms and gives him another smile.
“Yeah, I’m so busy today,” she says, gesturing to all the notebooks and the large laptop in her arms.
“Game days are crazy,” he says with a smile. “Will you be at Craig’s birthday party after the game? His girlfriend Ana puts on a great party.”