Confessional
janae
“Hey, y’all. It’s been a little rough. Sometimes I have good and bad days. It’s hard being in the spotlight, and I swear I’m not being the whiny, spoiled celebrity. I no more chose this life than the person who has a calling to be a teacher or a doctor. It’s a feeling I can’t exactly explain, but I’ll try. I think it’s like how light and free you feel on a sunny, clear, cool day, only doing something you like times ten. Every time I get on the stage, electricity flows through me. I’d forgotten that feeling after being away for three years. The downside is that I have to put my big-girl panties on, wear my thick skin, and deal with all the criticism. For every two people rooting for me, there’s a troll determined to tear me down, ragging me about my hair and my clothes, calling me everything but the child of Satan, and if I search hard enough, I might find it.” I scoffed.
“I know my attention should be on my fans and not my haters, but damn, some of y’all be ruthless. Some of y’all even hating on pics of me and Landon, like I can’t move on, or I don’t deserve love. It’s been three years since I messed things up. I lost a lot. Not just my recording contract. I believe I’ve paid for my misdeeds in a world full of sinning folks. I’m not trying to go backward, so I’m not MILA anymore. Going by my government name represents my transformation.” I held my tattooed wrist up. “Every time people want to pigeonhole me into the person I was, I stare at my butterflies. Guess I have to keep trucking, because no matter how the criticisms can weigh on my soul, this is the only life I want.”
“What about tonight’s show?” the producer asked.
Waving my hands in the air, I shouted, “We smashed it. They rocked with us, screaming our names long after we left the stage. House of Blues in New Orleans owes us nothing, okay?”
I laughed. “I’m in this room in the back of the house and I was so loud, I heard Cedrick tell me to shut up. Like they haven’t been running around this big-ass house like boys this entire time or getting carried away and start swinging fake lightsabers whenever they put on Star Wars . I’d honestly be shocked if nothing is broken by now.”
The producer asked, “How are you and Cedrick?”
Wiping my forehead, I teasingly replied, “Whew… dinner the other night was intense. I have to prove myself before he trusts me, and I get it. We go way back, and MILA burned The Hollow Bones… Janae is picking up the pieces. Cedrick and Landon have been boys since they were teenagers. They will always have each other’s backs, and I won’t ever interfere with that.” I leaned closer to the camera. “But ain’t no one scared of you, Ced.”
I backed up. “I can’t talk too long because they want to celebrate. This is our last night in the Big Easy, and this city is so my flavor.”
The producer grinned. “What about the streetcar? Heard you had two different rides with two different men in the middle of the night.”
I frowned. “What little bird told you that? Are you trying to get me in trouble? I’m not that girl anymore. Only one man on my mind.” I drew my knees to my chest and smiled. I couldn’t resist being truthful. I just hoped that by the time this aired, Landon and I would officially be a couple.